KINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Hozier had time today huh
i saw him in concert last week, and he literally said something along the lines of “these governments aren’t subtle with their actions. so i say: hell to subtle art. i’ll be as blatant as i please.” it’s nice to see he’s just always like that lmao.
ok, i’m built like a noble ox. like i am 6′1 and i am sturdy lady. like thighs for days. if you try to move me. you will be moved. body images aside (lol, i am self conscious about my size, yeah it’s life)
so like, i am very used to girls standing next to me in public places. i end up acquiring a pack of ladies. just because women are like, that lady is a lady men stay away from. i am jerk kryptonite (usually, i get my fair share of creeps, such is life) but most men have self preservation that this 6′1 ox will break them. and i will
so usually i am in my own phone and look up to another lady standing next to me. and i will immediately look up and make eye contact and nod. like, you know, that nod. i see you and you can talk if there is something wrong. i end up on a reg basis being a defacto bodyguard to these young ladies and small women while waiting for buses and in the metro.
i am a large oak tree. i protect the other birds.
ladies, we all got roles. find tree in the wild. we’re always happy to provide shelter from the creeps.
i’ve regularly said, “move on, she doesn’t want to be your friend”
I’m in love
Story time: So I’m 6’2 and “big boned” as my mother would call it. This happens to me all the time and a couple years ago I managed to get the the front row of a Macklemore concert. This woman, probably 5’4, squeezes up next to me and says, “Hey, I’m here alone, do you mind if I stand in front of you?” Of course not. So we’re all having a good time, dancing around, when all of a sudden this Bro™️ is behind me telling me that I’m too tall to be in the front row and it’s not fair. Now, keep in mind that this concert was outside, in February, in Vail CO. It was FREEZING so not only am I of the stature I am but I had my hair up and a beanie on and a big coat and boots. We try our best to ignore him but Bro™️ is drunk and very clearly thinks I’m a man and proceeds to punch me in the back of the head.
LIL SIS WENT OFF, FOLKS. This tiny woman literally moved me out of the way, jumped up, and head butted Bro™️ in the face with such a fury. I thought she was going to kill him, it was truly a beautiful moment in my life.
The moral of the story is that for every tree in the wild there is a cute little birdy who will defend its shelter to the death. Stick together ladies👯♀️
NOW I AM IN LOVE.
I have a headcanon that Hermione insists her children attend some primary muggle schooling before Hogwarts, just as she had done. Now, imagine Arthur Weasley attending his grandchild’s science fair, being the ultra proud grandfather….and yet also completely geeking out over absolutely EVERYTHING.
Canon
“That is a volcano, that is a VERY SMALL VOLCANO, how - young lady, how did you make this? Baking soda and food coloring? MARVELOUS!”
the kids would love him.
Never have I ever loved anything more than I love this
All the muggle teachers would think he was being so adorable, “pretending” not to know how potato batteries and mini-volcanoes work, fawning over the hard work the kids did on even the simplest the projects. And he comes every year, because after the kids have aged out (”gone on to some boarding school in Scotland,” the teachers say over bad coffee in the break room, “they didn’t seem the type”), he gets an honorary invitation to the fair every year, because he never stops making the kids feel smart and good.
“And this airy-o-plane, it flies by means of a… rubber band? Did I hear that correctly? No magic at all? Doesn’t flap its wings like a bird? MARVELOUS! What an ingenious method of flight!” *looks around* “You, sir! With the ribbons! This child deserves one of those prizes!”
This is so wholesome.
Arthur Weasley, as the Science Fair attendee we all deserve.
After a couple years Arthur Weasley brings his own ribbons. They shimmer in a way that makes everyone wonder what kind of ink he uses—“secrets!” he tells anyone who asks—but they’re beautiful. They’re coveted even more than the official ribbons, because they remind you that while he was heaping praise on you, you felt magical.
This is one of the best HP headcanons I’ve ever read.
me talking to myself in the back room at work
Things I Want From Frozen 2: Elsa gets a girlfriend
Things I’ll Probably Get From Frozen 2: Olaf gets a girlfriend who is clearly his girlfriend because she has two snowballs on her chest
Good Frozen 2 Alternate Ending: Olaf gets a hunk boyfriend and guess where those two snowballs are
do you ever meet a really cool girl and hope she’s gay? not even to date her but as a service to the community
Power move of the century.
i looked this up cause i wanted to know if you could and you can technically but then you’re instantly guilty of contempt of court and go directly to jail
trial speedrun
this is arcane knowledge that the human mind cant comprehend
honestly what the fuck does this mean
“Don’t stress yourselves out about it, but don’t ignore the situation”
calisle is only (mentally) a couple years older than his kids, which is confusing as hell.
because he’s def A Father™️ and radiates wise dad vibes and is just, compassion king.
so carlisle has a very fatherly aura and role with his coven and younger people around him.
but he’s also like twenty-three, forever.
emmett catches carlisle perfectly flipping like a dozen water bottles. alone. he fist pumps.
carlisle was chatting with edward and jasper and casually said ‘believe it’. jasper didn’t notice it, but edward saw the image of naruto in carlisle’s thoughts. it was life-changing.
he sent their group chat a buzzfeed quiz titled “what kind of vampire are you?”
Carlisle is in charge of convincing anti-vaxxers to let their kids be vaccinated; if, and it RARELY happens because who would refuse the charming and attractive doctor?, someone refuses Emmett finds out where they live. Alice lends him a plague doctor costume, and he starts screaming “RING AROUND THE ROSIES BIIIIIITCH. YOU LIKE DYING? NO? I DON’T EITHER SO GIVE YOUR KIDS THEIR DAMN SHOTS SO I CAN GO HOME!!!!!” (Jasper makes sound effects, Rosalie sometimes gets to dress up as a ghost girl, Edward is waiting to give the signal that they’ve given in, and Esme is baking cookies to give the traumatized parents)
