Avatar

Tyrant Is Terror

@tyrantisterror / tyrantisterror.tumblr.com

A blog about monsters, reptiles, and long winded ramblings about nothing important. The less this makes sense, the better it is. He/they pronouns.
Avatar

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been thinking, “Man, I sure wish there was some good wizard media for me to enjoy in this, February of 2023.  It sure is a shame there’s nothing wizard-related coming out right now for me to enjoy and indulge this urge to consume a fun story with wizards!  I’d especially like it if said media took place in some sort of school for wizards, so there could be a convenient reason for a bunch of wizards to hang out, and maybe they could have a sort of coming of age journey set alongside the act of solving a magical mystery!  If only such a piece of media existed!”

Well, fret no more!  There is a brand-spanking-new piece of wizard content, set in a wizard school, with mysteries galore and coming of age drama for your perusal, all available to you now in early February of 2023!  I present to you:

That’s right, the second book in my wildly popular Wizard School Mysteries series, Wizard School Mysteries 2: Tournament of Death, is now available for purchase!  Continue the adventures of my bespectacled wizard boy, James Chaucer, and his ragtag group of misfit friends as they uncover a sinister plot at the Academy of Applied Arcana and Magic!  Wizards!  Magic!  Young Love!  Drama!  Death!  It’s got it all!  Here, read the synopsis:

After foiling a kidnapping plot in their first semester, the Meddlesome Youths thought they had surely faced the worst peril the Academy of Applied Arcana and Magic could throw at them. After all, it can't get much more perilous than fighting off a fairy prince and his army of elves, goblins, and orks, right? Plus it seems the school itself is set for reverie, as the second semester brings with it the Ultimate Wizard Battle Tournament, a vast test of skill where wizards are invited to test their mettle and spell-casting prowess in a series of one-on-one duels. It's the wizard equivalent of a joust, with a fabulous prize and all the glory one could hope for. Yet what should be a friendly competition takes a deadly turn as it becomes clear that one of the competitors has decided fair play isn't enough, rigging the matches without a care for the safety of the other students. Can our heroes find out who the saboteur is - and, more importantly, will they make it out of the tournament unscathed?

Doesn’t that sound like a hoot?  You can purchase it here!  And hey, if you haven’t read it already, pick up its predecessor, Wizard School Mysteries Book 1: The Meddlesome Youths, because this is the kind of series that really should be read in order, and also because it’s good and hey, that’s TWICE the wizard school content for your wizard loving heart!

And if you don’t want to support the evil empire of the Dark Lord Jeff Bezos, shoot me a DM and we can work out getting you a signed copy - i.e. a copy of the book that I order from Amazon at the cost of production (as in “amazon doesn’t make a profit”), autograph, and then send to you for the price of the book ($15) plus whatever shipping ends up being.

There you go, fam!  Now you don’t have to worry about dying of wizard famine.  I have fed you the good wizard content you crave, and indeed, the only wizard content you’ll need this month.

And it only costs $15!

Avatar
reblogged

You told us about your favorite folkloric Christmas monsters, but what are your favorite Rankin Bass Christmas monsters and why?

Avatar

I think I included at least one of them in my list, actually, but I'd have to double check to be sure.

Anyway, it's the Winter Warlock, because I love his design and redemption arc and the fact that he makes the (first) Rankin Bass origin story for Santa into "Santa Claus was a counter culture rebel who teamed up with a black-magic using Pagan wizard to fight the status quo and then had said black magic user preside as the officiant of his outdoors-by-necessity wedding, because while no town would accept them, they were all valid in the natural world, which is explicitly the domain of God."

I'm also very fond of the Miser brothers, and since I'm answering this late at night I'm gonna go ahead and say the Banshee was a total baddie in her human guise.

Especially when she let the disguise drop a tad.

She can Rankin my bass any-wait, what were we talking about?

Avatar

I’m surprised you didn’t cite the Immortals and Awgwas from Life & Adventures of Santa Claus? There’s so much good stuff there!

Listen it's Rankin Bass, they're all bangers but no one wants to hear "I like all of them!" as an answer.

Avatar

You told us about your favorite folkloric Christmas monsters, but what are your favorite Rankin Bass Christmas monsters and why?

Avatar

I think I included at least one of them in my list, actually, but I'd have to double check to be sure.

Anyway, it's the Winter Warlock, because I love his design and redemption arc and the fact that he makes the (first) Rankin Bass origin story for Santa into "Santa Claus was a counter culture rebel who teamed up with a black-magic using Pagan wizard to fight the status quo and then had said black magic user preside as the officiant of his outdoors-by-necessity wedding, because while no town would accept them, they were all valid in the natural world, which is explicitly the domain of God."

I'm also very fond of the Miser brothers, and since I'm answering this late at night I'm gonna go ahead and say the Banshee was a total baddie in her human guise.

Especially when she let the disguise drop a tad.

She can Rankin my bass any-wait, what were we talking about?

Avatar

The sea holds many secrets in its depths, and the sea folk have no shortage of odd tales to share on long voyages or at the docks. Strange illusions upon the horizons, ghostly ships that vanish into fog and sea, strange shadows beneath the waves that fit no fish, and nights when the starry sky and glowing sea seem to beckon to one another. One favorite tale or spooky story they whisper is of the sounds that can be heard on a dark night in a calm sea. When the water is perfectly still and one is adrift in this blackened void, the water below seems to hum and waver. It is a dull and droning sound, more so felt in one's bones than heard in your ears. Crews shall search their ships in vain, thinking it a trick or one of their own, but no culprit shall be found. When they look to the sea, they will know the source, and fear what it could mean. 

Above the surface, this droning hum is difficult to decipher, though it may raise and fall in odd patterns. But some claim that the noise can be better heard when immersed in the ocean, dunking one's head in for a better listen. Obviously, most sea folk believe this to be foolish, almost suicidal, yet tales speak of few who have done this daring deed. As the stories go, some "brave" sailors take the dip, lowering themselves down to the ocean and dipping their heads in to learn more. Once they go in, however, they do not come up. Even as the seconds turn to a minute and past, they remain under, barely moving as they listen. Hopefully, other crew members are around to pull them back up, as some stories say that the men will drown in mere inches of water and yet never flail or fight. Those who are rescued before they calmly drown themselves will snap to, as if roused from a dream, and babble on of singing and reverent chants. They will go fearful of the ocean, and desperately try to escape the sight of it. They hide in the bowels of the ship, rocking themselves and murmuring sounds not made with lungs. Yet, when morning comes, they will be gone. They will have vanished in the night, and every whaler knows where they have gone. It is the go-to explanation for all who disappear at sea without a trace: "The ocean called to them, and they returned."

While many would believe these strange ocean songs to be myth or classic sailor superstition, there is no denying that there is something down there. The myriad of odd beings caught in trawling nets or washed up dying on shore are proof, their mere image showing they are more than simple fish. And sometimes, these aquatic entities appear on their own volition, like those of the Saints and their leviathans. There are others that have been encountered upon shore and on sea, and these run ins tend to create more mysteries than they solve. One of these odds creatures are the Bishops, strange fishy beings whose silhouettes are both similar and unnerving. 

The Bishops are typically encountered at sea, sometimes appearing besides small vessels out of nowhere, and sometimes hauled in by accident with their nets. Every story notes the unsettling aura of calm they exude, remaining still and silent even as their bodies are tangled in nets and hooks. Those who show up next to ships also remain quiet and serene, emerging from the water with sluggish ease despite the waves and weather. When the fishermen realize their company, they are quick to untangle them or give them their rapt attention. It seems the moment they gain all as witnesses, the Bishops perform their task. Of course, this is all guesswork, as no one truly knows what they intend with these appearances, or what they think of their sudden abductions. Their mouths move with clicking teeth, yet no words are formed. Their odd tendril hands slowly form holy gestures, moving in deliberate patterns that feel like silent speaking. But as baffling as they are, meaning is often delivered to the minds of the watchers. The tales talk about the odd sensations that occur to the body as the Bishops "speak." They speak of the creature's head pulsing and throbbing, and soon the fishermen's flesh tingles and their hair stand on end. The mind is confused, frantic, as if waves are rolling over one's brain, but then suddenly, it will strike them like an epiphany. Meaning from out of the blue, understanding of some alien tongue dropped directly into their minds. And often, this moment of understanding blinds the crew, and by the time they regain their senses, they will see the tip of the Bishop's tail vanish elegantly into the depths. 

The messages given to the witnesses are indescribable, as human words cannot convey their meaning. The best folk can give as explanations are feelings and odd urges, wariness of some things to come or confidence in an event that should never happen. Some have spoken of absolution, of this feeling of weight taken off their bodies. Past failures and trauma are suddenly numbed and faded, as if the scars have truly been healed. But then others come back with haunted eyes and unnerved minds, acting like condemned prisoners on the way to the chopping block. What was "gifted" to them is never shared, but their untimely ends shortly after speak volumes. 

There is no doubt that their appearance is holy: the visage similar to members of the Church, the calm demeanor they always carry and the artifacts they clutch in their tendrils. Some groups consider them truly sacred, on par with the Church itself, though these sects tend to not be favorites in the Church's eyes. They think that the Bishops are the holy who have reincarnated into this new form, to live in the calm serenity of the depths. The messages they bring are blessings or damnation, given to those who deserve such judgements. They are leaders of the flocks of the deep, speaking sermons in tongues that know only water, and chanting prayers that hum throughout the very seas. Visions of the depths have painted a world of billowing spires, of churches built from leviathan bone and writhing worm. Down there, where darkness and pressure wipes away the senses, faith is the one thing that remains strong.

Of course, some always have to wonder and ask: do they truly hold sermons down there, and if so, what do they speak of? To the folk upon dry land, these are beings free from any known humors or godly liquids. To what do they pray to? What do they worship, and what do they think of the world above? Surely in these times of chaos and war, they would abandon such a violent land, yet they still appear. Perhaps these eyes that know only abyssal darkness still see something within our rotten souls. Perhaps they still arrive at our shores to deliver things we have lost along the way. Perhaps, despite it all, there is still hope for us.   

----------------------------

"Bishop of the Sea"

Avatar
Avatar
maidthings

when a centaur dies, the horse half obviously goes to hell, but the human half ascends to heaven, detached and missing its lower horse body, forced to go about the rest of its afterlife mourning the loss of something vile and profane, which is in a sense its own kind of hell

Avatar
sanguinifex

This forces the question: If you baptize a centaur, and let’s say full immersion of the entire centaur to head off tedious arguments, is the whole thing considered washed clean of sin and so forth, or just the human portions of the centaur?

If you baptize a centaur you are sent to hell immediately

Avatar
Avatar
luulapants

Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

(continued)

Common Grackle, 7/10

La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.

Tennessee Warbler, 2/10

You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.

Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10

You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.

Gray Catbird, 5/10

Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.

Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10

You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.

Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10

A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.

Blue Jay, 12/10

If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.

Honorable mention:

Turkey Vulture, 5/10

You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.

Avatar
auxryn

This is why Tumblr is good.

I immediately scrolled to the blue jay to decide whether or not I wanted to read the rest of the post. Once I realized that OP got that right, I went back and read the rest. 10/10 OP.

Avatar
reblogged

There is something sad about how while Laios isn't good with details, he's definitely the least judgemental person and got everyone's general appearance and personality accurate (except for overfocusing on the "Marcille will do anything for Falin she's soooo cool" aspect which again, the fact he legitimately thinks she's cool and the world's most dedicated lesbian is really cute and not really a negative). He is the only one who fully understands Chilchuck is an adult. His Senshi is most accurate appearance wise and would have probably been pretty accurate personality wise.

Meanwhile everyone was pretty negatively judgemental of him (well, not all, I don't think Senshi actually meant anything negative in seeing Laios as more feminine but it is very noticeably off).

While it's sad, it also demonstrates why he's the leader, and honestly a good leader despite all his eccentricities. Even if he doesn't remember details that don't really matter, he sees his party clearly without much judgement, he deeply trusts all of them, which means he's the best one for figuring out how make them work together.

(the fact he so easily shrugs off their warped impressions while the others get wrapped up in "HOW COULD YOU THINK OF ME THIS WAY" also shows strong leadership).

I do want to make it clear that having those judgemental images of him don't mean they don't care about him or see most of his good qualities (obviously they all underestimate him on the observation front though). Marcille's image of him was entirely just comparing his physical appearance to Falin and being disappointed he isn't an exact replica, which is definitely mean (and gay), but we aren't given a clear impression of what she thinks of him personality wise.

For Chilchuck I think his image was partly exacerbated by what just happened- Laios spilling everything to Shuro, which led to multiple strangers knowing, which puts the group in danger. And then being like LETS EAT! Because while Shuro has expressed that he'd help them evade the authorities if needed, he has no idea what Kabru's party will do. He's probably still super frustrated and anxious about that.

( I think he also puts more pressure on Laios because Laios is their leader, but he doesn't act like a leader in more traditional ways, and Chilchuck thinks leaders should be certain ways and actually believes in him, which means he thinks hecan do better. See "be more aware of yourself as a leader" as his relationship to Laios and his "leader (sort of)" when he goes through his impressions of the party)

An of course, it's been firmly established his frustration comes from caring. It's been very established that he worries about Laios (and Marcille's) recklessness because he cares about them and doesn't like seeing them hurt and doesn't want them to die.

They do trust him when shit hits the fan, even when they don't fully understand his plans they go with it. And obviously they've shown multiple times they really care about him and most of their worries come from a place of caring.

Avatar
reblogged

Can you go off on how the Jedi’s ‘no attachments’ rule is a huge misinterpretation and misappropriation of Buddhist philosophy?

Avatar

The last time I did that people threatened to take my kneecaps.

Avatar

They were gonna plunder my patellas.

Jack my joints.

Hobble my nobbies.

In all seriousness, I try to keep myself from blogging about my negative opinions these days. I know it's fun to read, and it is admittedly cathartic to write in the moment, but it always invites way more negativity in response than I want (which is to say, any negativity whatsoever), and I get more of that than I'd like on my positive posts as is.

Burgle my bendies.

Avatar

Can you go off on how the Jedi’s ‘no attachments’ rule is a huge misinterpretation and misappropriation of Buddhist philosophy?

Avatar

The last time I did that people threatened to take my kneecaps.