Oof

Not to sound like some sorta furry sympathizer but my life would be at least 30% better if i had giant ram horns growing outta my scalp. top heavy as hell, gettig stuck in doorways n shit. Thats the life

stop calling me a homestuck ive literally had sex with women

completely obsessed with this image

what is wrong. like with all of you.

Heterosexual pride flag

This has some SERIOUS "Let them eat cake," vibes, no? 🤔🤨😬🧐🤬

These all sound indistinguishable from ads in fictional cyberpunk dystopia settings

The Outer Worlds writers worked their asses off only to get upstaged by reality?

Hate diet culture so much bitches will b like “don’t eat processed carbs they’re so bad for you” like and??? So what?? God did not give us grain and stone to grind it with for no reason. Bread is inevitable. Bread is food for the heart and the soul. U think I’m gonna give that up in pursuit of instagram fitness?? U think I’m gonna deny myself the simple pleasure of toast with jam so I can endlessly chase an ever-shifting standard of beauty that ultimately means nothing? In 20 years I will no longer be beautiful and in 60 my body will be vacant food for other, smaller creatures. But the taste of fresh bread? Of homemade donuts and still-warm pie? I will carry the taste on my tongue into whatever follows this life. So like. Stop telling me I should diet lmao. I’m not abt to martyr myself just to get a man to look at me.

Op genuinely thank you for this

yesterday I was at gamestop and a man in full Data cosplay walked up to the front counter and I did a double take so hard I nearly broke my neck. So, he walks up and the cashier just casually smiles and goes “How’s it going, Data? What can I do for you?”  and Data goes, “I am doing quite well. I was just wondering when you guys would have Destiny 2 in stock.” This mans……literally did not smile or emote at all. He went all in. The cashier was totally non fazed. I, however, was completely shitting my pants cos ya’ll DO NOT understand how good this dude’s cosplay was. It really looked like fuckin data teleported into the middle of game stop in rural ohio to ask about motherfucking destiny 2.

The only time he broke character was when I was stealthily trying to stare at him and thinking about asking for a pic when he was walking out.This dude. Looked at me, completely expressionless. and WINKED at me. Someone collect ya mans he wildin lmfao

The wink isn’t even really ooc I think he would totally do that

sometimes I tweet about the funny/cute/utterly bizarre shit my 3rd graders do and say

the latest dispatches from room 156

happy monday folks

room 156 is BACK bitches and better than ever!!!!!!!!

a special room 156 update in honor of election 2020

2020 continues to be A Time but at least my 3rd graders continue to be the funniest people on the goddamn planet

Swedish has the delightfully opaque expression “skita I det blå skåpet”, literally “to shit in the blue cabinet”, meaning to badly screw something up.

I submit “and now we all have to live in a blender” as a similarly specific English expression of horror at how badly something has gone.

^^^ I'm using both of these phrases for the rest of my life now.

What the fuck

Thurgo Thursday

literally the only celebrity allowed to speak

i like how he dressed up as god for this joke

This is the easiest way to piss a conservative off though… Like ask for a specific source and they FLIP

That boy short-circuited

i love being dm. it means i can ask the most innocuous questions totally unprompted to my players like “hey what’s your bard’s swimming speed?” and get this reaction every time

“You touch it? Ok cool. Remind me, who is your God?”

Isn’t this the potion Snow White’s stepmom used to turn herself into a witch 

I love how pleased with this whole process he looks.

^^^😊

need someone to look at me the way this man looks at his science experiment

#SaveTheTrees

I feel like an important message is trying to be communicated to me but I have no idea what it is

Our forests are being cut down 3x faster than they can grow! One acre of hemp produces as much cellulose fiber pulp as 4.1 acres of trees!!! This is super useful for so many things, especially paper production! In addition, hemp takes in carbon dioxide 4x as fast as trees do, which makes it especially valuable in the act of reducing CO2 emissions/greenhouse gases! 🌲🌲🌲 source 

#the scope of the anti-hemp conspiracy in the united states is terrifying once you start doing research tbh#like it was initially smeared/banned bc lumber lobbyists pushed for it to be…#and a major smear tactic was to associate it with black people#who now a hundred years later are the ones primarily being imprisoned for it#and the plant itself has now been inextricably linked to the drug so people won’t even allow for it to be grown for commercial purposes#like paper making (via literallyfuckeveryone)

Important reminder that industrial hemp can’t be used as a recreational drug, so if anyone tries to pull that card you can just stop them then and there. There are no real arguments against using industrial hemp, even if you’re rigidly against the legalization of any recreational drugs.

how hyperfixation has become a mainstream word that non adhd/autistic ppl are using it please let us have this one thing we are not on the same level 

Words mean things! A hyperfixation is not an ‘obsession" or a current interest bc you’re bored in quarantine!

Words!

Mean!

Things!

Hyperfixations aren’t jus things ur obsessed with. They’re things u literally cant stop thinking abt. They’re things that u cant get out of ur head. Things that u literally crave content or knowledge abt. Things that u literally read every single wikipedia article or tv tropes page for. Things that will literally put u in a depressive episode if u dont get access to the thing. Its so so so much more than a simple interest or just liking something a lot.

Love how she was all carefree then skipped right over angry and went all the way to Dark Souls miniboss

Nightmare image

“Ten-year-olds are the most frightening people on the planet. I think we all remember being ten, where making eye contact during recess meant you were going to have a Pokemon battle, and the winner got to keep the loser’s lunch money.

“But as an adult, seeing the kids who are off on their Pokemon journeys, swaggering along, ready to fight anybody and everybody they meet, up to and including God, it really hits you. These children will fight you, and when they win, your best bet is to just throw twenty dollars on the ground and flee in the other direction.

“The worst ones are the ones with six Pokeballs on their belt. You’re like, I possess one elderly Snubbull, and for all I know, you’ve got a Rayquaza in one of those balls. 

“And sometimes, you hear stories. Like, ‘a ten-year-old boy dismantled Team Rocket’. Or ‘a ten-year-old girl dismantled two terrorist organizations and then tamed the primal manifestations of earth and sea’. I think you could tell me a ten-year-old did anything, and I wouldn’t question it. 

“To be honest, I think the Pokemon Leagues are just there to keep those kids occupied so they don’t just take over.”

So this is the material John Mulaney performs in the pokemon world

good one boss

yeah, good one boss

I think that when you are thinking about planting roses, an important consoderation to keep in mind is that someday, you will die

Perhaps you love the meditative nature of caring for rose bushes but one day you will die, and no one will be able to manage the weirdly intense Gardening Regime that you set for everything you planted and your roses will become overgrown and dangerous and someone, perhaps, even, your beloved grandchild, will be obligated to take a pruning shear the size of their own fucking arm to a bunch of rose canes that are as big around as their own fucking wrist, PERHAPS, PERHAPS THESE THINGS MIGHT HAPPEN. JUST SOMETHING TO KEEP IN MIND.

This is a call out post for my grandfather who I love and miss very much every day... Wish he was still here with us, to trim his fucking rose bushes