no “carrd.” you learn things about me based on what you can piece together from the vague details of my life I disclose in rare moments of vulnerability
Today’s bird is: This black vulture trying to hang out with my neighbor’s ducks
(Video comes from my neighbor, it hung out with them for several minutes.)
the way these strikes get framed is always so funny to me
"the strike could stretch on until the end of summer" or the execs could pay their workers
"there won't be ANY new shows because of this strike" or the execs could pay their workers
"no more content for us because the mean old writers and actors are-" OR THE EXECS COULD PAY THEIR WORKERS
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's 3 years of constant hormone therapy, 4 years of voice training, 12 sessions of facial hair removal, bottom surgery by the best surgeon in the country,
Ok real
#10% tuck/20% skill/15% concentrated estrogen pill
you can't just etc. etc.
She does looks like she would speak in rhyme then disappear into the woods
These live rent-free in my head.
job hunting is a cthonic torment that never quite took off in the bowels of hell, luckily anguish speculators are always buying up cheap excess and dumb questions are easy to package into bonds that massively balloon their value. before the turn of the millennium "how many years of cheese experience do you have" would be a practically worthless question, but in the dystopian future of the dissolving present, providing the right answer (or a believable lie) may be the difference between meager sustenance and dying in the death rays our energy companies charge you to avoid.
for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal
before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"
and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"
Instagram and TikTok have successfully created the Torment Nexus from Jim Carrey's iconic work, "Don't put people in the Torment Nexus"
sorry but this is the funniest fucking thing to me
“The fascinating world of insects” by Free High-Quality Documentaries on youtube
Much as I adore hippos, this is undeniably just. (via @persian-slipper)
Relatable
Consider the following
Anybody else got that Evergiven sized writers block
“Where’s the next chapter?!” Well buddy you’re never gonna guess
What’s the comic sans trick?
wingdings' true purpose as a font
Wingdings holy shit some of y'all are on a whole different level of galaxy wizard brain batshittery and I am in awe.
Exciting. When I don't want to see what I'm writing I just make the font color almost indistinguishable from the background color. (Do not do this.)
(I don't think the secret to the comic sans hack is comic sans itself; I think it's any deflation of being intimidated by your canvas.)
Hold on I need to go look something up immediately.
this is just objectively funny though
Great joke tho? Who complained?
its absurd that trio is four letters long and not three
are there no rules on this damned earth? are we just here to suffer?
there are rays of sunshine in this dark world