The Force Provides

“Let me get this straight. The Althusians require that a couple participate in their marriage festival before they’ll sign the Republic alliance.”

“Yes.”

“A couple from within the delegation, joining together, and not with any of them.”

“Yes.”

“And it doesn’t have be you.”

“Commander! I could hardly order any of the men to… I hate to ask this of you at all, but I do require a second party. It need only be a paperwork marriage once we leave the planet…”

“General. Thankyou for the consideration, but I have an easier solution.”

---

Also on AO3

For @waxerboilmonth - week 4: 'not married but willing to be'

clones with armor paint are the red-banded biology-study birds of the GAR

These two have my heart. I need some live action with this lineage!

this has been on my mind for a while now, I lowkey forget who I talked to about this (might’ve been lena sdfkjhs), but AU where Barriss doesn’t bomb the temple and instead leaves the Order (the temple’s still bombed, just by someone else ig, and Ahsoka’s still framed, I haven’t actually thought this through). She finds Ahsoka after order 66 and they both run into Vader together on Malachor with the rest of the Spectres (Barriss would basically be like the sort of figure Ahsoka is to the rebels, the two are a package deal baby). Barriss and Ahsoka fight Vader, it’s revealed that it’s actually Anakin, and she just. uses his words from S5 against him. maybe I’ll make this into an actual comic, it depends how many people are interested tho lmao (I’ll prolly get a better idea of that once I post it to Instagram unless it gets traction here lmao)

OP this is gorgeous and i 100% support this au!

it’s like star wars with less islamophobia and racism, and i’m here for it 😍

This is inspired by all the lovely fics that had Cody using Obi-Wan’s cloak as a blanket (hc that poor Cody was too jittery after a campaign and Obi-Wan as the designated Cody-whisperer bundled the poor man in his cloak and by the power of tea and Jedi-calm vibes managed to have a lapful of sleeping commander). I’m on a marshmallow kick T v T

@ladyknightradiant said: “I ALWAYS FORGET YOU STAR WARS BUT Look at me remembering!!! Luke and Leia? and/or Han and Chewie?“

Jesse and Rex have been through a lot together. It stands to reason that more often than not if they both have down time you will find Jesse using Rex as a human pillow, with or without his armor

cody, anyone? ☀️

@is-there-an-echo-in-here gave me the inspo so u folks can thank them for this xoxo

AU where Hondo is wandering about on the outer rim (after those pesky True Mandalorians ran him out of Mandalorian space lmao you flirt with the Mand’alor’s son ONE time-) when he hears of a planet in civil war and he’s all ‘lmao sounds like fun’ only to land on the planet and find literal children being hunted by their own parents and he’s so horrified and disgusted (he has a single moral and it’s that he’s a momma’s boy) that he helps the kids win and then promptly kidnaps them all and brings them back to Mandalore space to hail the Mand’alor all ‘lmao I got some you-know-what’s if you let me flirt with your son a lil’ ‘Hondo plz we don’t buy drugs-‘ ‘I mean kids lmao. They’re all orphans’ and Jaster Mereel is instantly like ‘Jan’ika-‘ (‘I already hate the sound of this-‘ ‘-just let him call you pretty and give him a kiss on the cheek or whatever as a token of gratitude for finding the children-‘ ‘Buir. He kidnapped those children.’ ‘Yes but ALL of them were orphans it’s okay-‘ ‘Buir…’) and let’s Hondo back in Mand’alor space so he can deliver some cute brats who are gonna need a world of therapy n shit and Jaster OBVIOUSLY bonds with tiny baby Obi-Wan, you know me, he has to bond with him, but the issue is, Obi-Wan has also (begrudgingly, very begrudgingly) bonded (literally, like an actual force bond, total accident and Obi is still annoyed about it) with Hondo so Jango is gonna have to flirt with the pirate to get his Buir custody of the baby, and maybe ends up thinking Hondo isn’t all that bad along the way, and maybe, just a tiny bit, maybe the next time Hondo kidnaps him Jango can bone him to get home sooner, maybe, shut up, he’s just thinking about it, he’s not gonna do it, but now he has a baby brother to welcome to the clan, and all the kiddos are just sitting there like ‘:/‘ the whole time. Pretty dubious about all this shit. Shit’s fucked. Might as well. The adults let them hide in a nice building with beds and blankets and medical supplies and food so like. Maybe they can trust them… next year. Later. Not rn. Sleeping rn. Thanks.

What if the corrie guard love palpatine. Hes just a very pleasant guy. No hint theres anything wrong with him at all and he pays for pizza night once a week. They see him endorsing war crimes in the senate and theyre like Go Grandpa Go.

Fox: yea but-

Rex: he’s a Sith

Fox: and he tells Senators who bother me to fuck off so is he really bad??

Rex: … He’s. A. Sith.

Fox: and I’m not paid enough to care

Look, Fox isn’t saying he can be bought by bribes but the old man tells Senators to fuck off and give them free food and breaks??

Fox will gladly turn a blind eye to his criminal intents if it means he continues to give his men pizza parties and holiday leave

Look, I must prefer this complexity because getting someone to realize that someone is NOT their friend, NOT a good person, NOT someone they want to consider “on their side” is much harder to do…

“They have always been nice to me—” Is incredibly powerful. It is often how abusers hide.

We can see from the show that Palpatine is very charismatic, very charming. He plays the dottering fold fool well at times, seems sympathetic when he says his hands are tied—his face looks stricken with empathy with the will to help someone.

Him spoiling the Guard in front of everyone would convince the sometimes starving population that ALL the Clones eat like Kings. Promising to Fox, who by osmosis could very well begin to understand some of this political nuance, how much he desperately wishes the war would end so he could focus on things like helping the people, helping the Clones… “If only the war would end.”

I could see him using Amidala’s vote against the commission of more Clone Troopers as a way to pit Fox against her; she voted AGAINST more Cones, that means she is voting AGAINST Clones, which means she and her allies dislike the Clones.

For the last thousand years, the Sith, especially Palpatine, disliked lightsabers because they were flashy, caught attention, and they considered them uncivilized. Palpatine took this to heart. He much preferred to manipulate people with words and his intelligence. If he had to resort to the Force, he wanted to do it… subtly, delicately. To him, that was the challenge, that was the means of finally achieving the long-term goals of the Sith, and it would be HIS legacy that would claim it.

The idea that Fox and his men liked Palpatine, not because they were in on his evil schemes, but because they were fooled, to me, is a much harsher and darker story to tell about the Guard. They were triangulated into isolation from their brothers; Fox was without the context that we, the audience had, that Anakin or Rex had; the citizens of Coruscant may have very well have first started out liking the Guard because they were their Clones to protect them from the Separatists, but as Fox’s men were used to put down civil unrest, the CG became the faceless mask of tyranny.

Fox and the Guard were right there, hearing the whispers, the rumors, the slips in the news, that built up to the justification that the Jedi were responsible for the war—they were the REAL problem. They would be the best place to be fooled by the same thing Palpatine used to fool the rest of the Republic into accepting the Empire.

UGH I LOVE FOX OKAY. I want his victimhood to be far more tragic, far less messy, and far more heartbreaking because he had no idea how much he capitulated against his best intentions, his best intuitions, his better judgment and training…

Fox being made a FOOL by Palpatine is so very much in line with Palpatine’s methods, and true to very the tragedy nature of the Clones—who were so much more naive than we like to give them credit, much more vulnerable to the machinations of those with power over them.

So yes: What if Fox DID like Palpatine? Not because he was a bad man—we have evidence the Clones were, inherently, very good men because Palpatine was truly that evil. To be turned against from the people you could trust (this brothers) and the people that were the best to trust (the Jedi), and to believe the person who NEVER had any good intentions… that is a tragedy that Shakespeare would dream up for us.

I’m a add your tags because they are absolutely perfect

Yes to all of this - this addition is absolute gold and I love the metaphor of him in a pot of water with the heat on high, not noticing until he’s boiling (facing Vader, accidentally firing because of his lightsaber color, getting his neck snapped)

AAAHHHHHH

Here's my take

Eventually Dooku gives up on finding this guy, because he’s become something of a folk hero so everyone has a story about their friend’s brother’s cousin meeting him and so there’s not a lot of substantiated sightings. He goes ahead and clones Jango, but he makes it clear that he was a second choice. Jango’s happy to have a son but pissed that he’s being treated like anything less than The Best, but he’s also got Baggage about idealistic mercenary leaders so he doesn’t go out of his way to beat Obi-Wan’s ass either. The clone army is made and Jango is perhaps even more of a prick to them because he wants them to prove his genetics ARE the best choice for an army.

The Republic hasn’t exactly banned mercenary work but it’s frowned upon, and it doesn’t help that the Faceless often take jobs to fuck over the goals of the Senate. (The kids are bitter about Melida/Daan and Obi-Wan isn’t feeling especially charitable either.) But hey, credits are credits, and the Geonosians have plenty to burn. The Faceless get hired to guard their droid foundries. It’s boring, but it pays, and it’s not like they’re particularly involved in galactic politics when most of them are in their early 20s and beat on people for a living.

That is, until their leader finds a Padawan and a Senator fucking around in the factory and realizes “oh fuck Jinn is here????”

But he’s also hella mad about Melida/Daan and more loyal to his mercenaries than to the Republic at this point, so he still brings them in because this is a steady job and he figures the Separatists aren’t stupid enough to harm 2 Jedi and a Senator. That’s an act of war! And hey they are trespassing.

Then he runs into Jango Fett and Dooku. He has barely any idea who Jango is other than “Boba’s dad” because Boba incessantly pesters his younger mercenaries for war stories and weapons training. Dooku he vaguely remembers as a guy who left the Jedi voluntarily, like he sort of did. Dooku sees this mercenary he’s been hunting for years who the Geonosians apparently hired as a SECURITY GUARD and kind of loses his shit internally, but resolves to take him as his apprentice ASAP. But first he has to get this public execution over with.

“The what,” says Obi-Wan, who is realizing that the Separatists really are about to declare war via a technical war crime because none of these people got a fair trial. Also, that’s his asshole ex-dad! You can’t just kill him!!

So Obi-Wan jumps down into the arena and frees all three of them with his twin red sabers.

Anakin: HOLY SHIT MY CHILDHOOD HERO

Qui-Gon: HOLY SHIT A SITH

Padmé: HOLY SHIT GUYS GET IT TOGETHER

Then the Geonosians try to kill him, and his murder children take exception and start fighting back, and then the Jedi arrive and ALSO decide to fight Obi-Wan because he’s a Sith!!! (Even if he doesn’t feel that dark but w/e Qui-Gon’s the Sith expert here.)

Obi-Wan’s mask gets cracked when Jango headbutts him. Qui-Gon promptly loses his shit because HIS FORMER PADAWAN HE QUITE WISELY ABANDONED AS A CHILD FOR CARING ABOUT OTHER CHILDREN STUCK IN AN ACTIVE WARZONE HAS FALLEN JUST LIKE XANATOS AND IS CLEARLY HERE FOR VENGEANCE, OH THE HUMANITY

Dooku’s like that’s my grandkid??? Fuck off Qui-Gon he’s mine now. Anakin’s like that’s my disowned older brother??? And also my childhood hero???? And a Sith???? Much to think about. Obi-Wan’s like okay pack it up kids we’re leaving, whoops Boba’s dad got decapitated we gotta adopt him now, whoops here’s a few wounded/unconscious clones gotta take them too, whoops we’ve technically declared war on both sides that’s not good.

So once they’ve escaped and Obi-Wan’s gently freaking out about being a public enemy one of his kids is like “we could always take advantage of the chaos of galactic war to take over a planet. Our home planet, preferably. Considering they killed all the kids who would’ve been of fighting age by now we could totally take over really easily by killing all the old people” and Obi-Wan’s like “now there’s an idea” and Boba is still feral but feral with direction because now he’s in the care of adults who get it and he has brothers to teach how to have rights.

So they start taking jobs to raise the funds to take over a planet and keep running afoul of the GAR and the CIS and Hondo Ohnaka’s gang and Hutts and Sith and just. So many goddamn Jedi.

@deadcatwithaflamethrower MOAR

This just keeps getting even more and more fucked up awesome.

Next thing you know, they’ve taken over Melida/Daan. One of the first orders of action? Renaming the planet something else. (Melidan, perhaps?) They don’t advertise the take-over, but they’re not exactly hiding it, either - and with a full-scale galactic war taking place, they figure that they’re going to be. Rather low priority. 

(This may or may not be the case.)

Either way, Obi-Wan finds himself, quite coincidentally, now the elected leader of an entire planet, which has. Political repercussions. Namely, both the CIS and the Republic are trying to ‘woo’ Melidan to their side, while the Jedi are trying to arrest Obi-Wan (No Jedi Allowed is one of the cardinal rules of both the Faceless and the newly established Melidan government), but Obi-Wan is a planetary leader so they can’t just arrest him. And Obi-Wan just doesn’t have time for this - he has a planet to revitalize, he has a government to set up, an entire culture to shift away from a centuries-long war footing, he is not going to put up with this. 

Obi-Wan et al declare for the Council of Neutral Systems. They’re just too busy for all this bleep. 

@levitatingbiscuits

I’m cackling at the idea that this is how Obi-Wan and Satine meet in this AU. He was a violent mercenary who just conquered a planet via mass murder of the child murderers in charge of it, she was a pacifist (and kind of a colonizer tbh) trying to force a planet to change their entire culture, can I make it any more obvious? 

And you know they totally “hate” each other but his planet’s reputation as a bunch of violent bastards makes the Neutral Systems’ position a LOT more secure. Plus he’s hot and she’s hot so they definitely have amazing “hate” sex because Obi-Wan’s not really concerned with avoiding attachment. Meanwhile Qui-Gon (who was her protector in Obi-Wan’s absence) is just blowing up her commlink trying to grill her for information on the ~dangerous Sith~ she’s banging (who really just wants to be left well enough alone, good lord.)

@levitatingbiscuits

You know that Obi-Wan’s ‘kids’ are going to be rooting for them. 

*cackles* What is - well, as you said, Obi-Wan’s planet (which I will be referring to as ‘Melidan’ because it saves space) has a reputation for being violent, viciously effective ‘ex’-mercenaries. And Mandalore - well, even if Satine has been instituting sweeping changes and pushing pacifism on everyone, Mandalore has a long-standing reputation of being violent, occasionally mercenary warriors.

What I’m trying to say is, at meetings of the Council of Neutral Systems, they keep getting pushed together because ‘you have so much in common!’ 

(She and Obi-Wan keep getting into spirited debates - read, high-volume arguments - about colonialism and cultural eradication and making other people’s choices for them.)

Can you imagine how they deal with Maul trying to take over? He gets bodied by the duchess’s favorite booty call who’s NOT EVEN A REAL SITH. Maul has no idea who he is so whenever he sees him afterward he just screams YOU and points at him like Phoenix Wright.

omg omg, y’all what about slave culture???

If the Faceless are liberating slaves and fighting the good fight, all these myths and stories about slaves, freedom, justice for the oppressed a merciless end for the masters and can you think about the stories that are out there?

The Living Flame descended from the stars and everything was on fire, the masters, the buildings, the collars, but I walked among the flames and did not burn

CAN ANYONE SAY CULT LEVEL FOLLOWING??

ALSO

lets not even mention that the non-pacifist Mandalorians are like………this very violent, very competent person has raised A GREAY MANY CHILDREN INTO EQUALLY VIOLENT, EQUALLY COMPETENT PEOPLE.

…

oohh, look he and the pacifist duchess have a thing…maybe we can use this? 

no wait, why does THE NON-VIOLENT DUCHESS GET THIS VERY VIOLENT PERSON?? SHE DOES NOT APPRECIATE HIM, WE WOULD!

cue almost every single Mandalorian who is even remotely attracted by violence and competence low key like, if she doesn’t raise warriors with him, we will

@ravensilversea @ding-dong-the-bitch-is-dead @

So how long does it take for Obi-Wan to “mysteriously” start collecting clone battalions? I mean, sure he has a planet to run and revitalize and a rival-with-benefits to woo properly, but he still has to make money somehow.

So like, hypothetically, if they took a job that happened to have them cross paths with Krell and his not-yet-destroyed battalion… well they’re already essentially at war with both sides anyway so what’s stealing a battalion gonna hurt?

Rex: is this a hostile takeover?

Obi-Wan, holding a lightsaber to his throat: no, it’s an adoption

Boba: you get used to it 🙄

little art of my meow-meow's cuz i love them

The fact that Mandalorians apparently do child fight clubs for training explains a lot about both Satine “extremist pacifist” Kryze and Bo-Katan “joined a terrorist group as a teen” Kryze

If it seems like I never finish anything it's because there's always a new idea to get lost in

I know the Star Wars extended universe treats “spice” like it’s this big scary drug, but I kind of like to imagine that it’s basically just space weed, and the only reason Han got in trouble with the Imperials over Jabba’s cargo is that he was evading import tariffs.

If we’re just looking at mentions in the original trilogy, is there evidence it’s even a drug and not something you put on bland food to make it taste like something? What if Han was just carrying a cargo of like cilantro, mint, etc, none of which grow on Tattooine and are thus highly expensive and heavily taxed commodities?

I am fully prepared to believe that the infamous Han Solo ended up in a life-or-death vendetta with the most notorious crime lord in the galaxy because somebody didn’t want to declare taxes on three thousand kilos of cilantro.

Every who pays a certain amount of attention to Star Wars knows this story already, but I was lucky enough to hear it recounted first-hand last year, so I’m gonna give it yet another retelling.

So The Husband and I were at Sci-fi Weekender (a British based annual Sci-fi and Fantasy convention) last year, and one of the guests that year was Kevin J Anderson, one of the very notable Star Wars Expanded Universe writers. During one of the events, a quiet little interview in a cafe on the event site, he fielded a question from an audience member about what it was like to write for a franchise like Star Wars which often had lots of cooks working on one broth, and he had the following to say (wording recounted as best as I can from memory):

“So in one of my stories, Han Solo, he, he travels to this asteroid planet called Kessel, which is where a lot of Spice comes from, these Spice Mines of Kessel, and I got to really describe the effects of this Spice, this terrible drug and the addiction and all this and before publication I get this call, I get this call from the lawyers, and they say “Kevin, you say in this story that Spice is a drug, you can’t say that, you can’t say that Spice is a drug”, and I say “What? What do you mean it’s not a drug, of course it’s a drug”, and they say “Han Solo used to smuggle Spice, and you cannot, let us be clear, you cannot imply that the Hero of Star Wars used to be a drug dealer”. And I just stood there, at a loss for words, and I eventually said “So what is it then?” and they said to me, very sternly, “It’s a food-additive”. Now, now obviously this is ridiculous, and I won’t back down, and they won’t back down, and none of us will back down, and the book is very close to getting pulled, which I don’t want because I worked hard on it and they don’t want because they already paid me the advance, and eventually, with this great air of superiority they say “OK Kevin, we’ll take this to the top. WE’LL TAKE THIS TO GEORGE”. And they go to all this trouble, this was a long while ago when such things were not so easy to arrange, they go to all this trouble to set up a conference call with all of them and me and with George Lucas and they say “George, Kevin is trying to say in his new book that Spice is a drug, it’s a food additive, tell him it’s not a drug, George”. And there’s this long silence on the other end of the line and eventually George says “It is a drug, though. It’s, it’s a drug, it’s a food-additive? What? Of course it a drug, it’s space heroin, what else would it be? What?” And that was then end of that.“

Time Travel Forwards or Time Travel Backwards? Ft. Obi Wan Kenobi

Here's the classic Obi-Wan travels back in time to fix everything and prevent Clone Wars from happening except the Jedi Order is under the mistaken impression that Obi-Wan either traveled forward in time or was stranded in Tatooine for so long that he actually came from the Jedi-Sith Wars of a thousand years ago.

The Jedi Order is very impressed that Obi-Wan was a general and a former councilor, but no one is actually listening to his warnings about Siths in the Senate, dismissing it as his paranoia/PTSD.

It doesn't help that Obi-Wan indicates that he knows of Master Fay and how they met in passing before.

As for little initiate Kenobi, Obi-Wan is a common enough name for Stewjon folks plus Stewjon have a human appearance but aren't human at all. There's enough some minor genetic differences (yay for stress-induced genetic mutations and time travel fucking up DNA gene expressions) to write the similarities off as being related and happenstance.

No one knows enough about the insular Stewjoni's to know the genetic diversity of the population much less about how their reproduction works. Perhaps they might be another one of those species that can asexually reproduce?

Wouldn't it be hilarious that people now think that Obi-Wan is Yoda's grandmaster?

(Perhaps Yoda's grandmaster was indeed a Kenobi - hence Yoda's stubborn goal of seeing young initiate Obi-Wan Kenobi join his lineage - but Yoda's aging memory means that he can't remember if the Kenobi is Obi-Wan or not.)

Other reasons why the Jedi Order think Obi-Wan is from the very distant past:

But most importantly... the man DOES NOT KNOW about the labor laws. No, Obi-Wan, you legally cannot work more than 80 hours a week without breaks. Yes Obi-Wan, I am legally obligated to force you to take a 3 month vacation due to all the vacation time you have accumulated.

Don't quote me on this since I know very very little about OSHA, but there's probably an OSHA rule about how many hours a worker is allowed to operate heavy machinery a day.

A lightsaber would qualify as heavy machinery.

Therefore there's a limit of how much lightsaber wielding Jedi's can TECHNICALLY do.

Mace was so at the end of his wits that he looked up this specific law to force Obiwan to REST.

omg, that’s hilarious! And since everyone is already convinced he’s from the past, every, I repeat, every his word or move will only persuade them more. Like:

*in the Temple messhall*

“Oh, I remember this cereal tased differently.” 

“Sure, Master, the (insert plant name) has extinct 2 thousand years ago, the cereal consist of (insert plant2 name).”

*in the Library*

“Master Obi-Wan, do you know how to open this ancient holocron?”

“Um, I may have an idea or two...” - because he’s always wanted to try to work with it, but only now got a chance. Not like it will help him to persuade people that he’s from the future.

*in the Senate*

“The Senate is corrupted!”

*Oh, good, at least you’ll have something similar to your times.”

Council: We want you to take up a Pawadan.

Obi Wan: Well you see, I would like to respectfully decline because my last pawadan got married and also fell to the dark side, becoming Darth Vadar-

Council: Yeah that's not going to be a problem Council (internally): Yet another piece of evidence of Obi-Wan Kenobi time traveling into the future. Should we like... tell him that the Ruusan Reformation means that Jedis can't get married and also, again, there's been no siths for centuries?

-

Obi-wan: my grandpawadan caught Blue Shadow Virus

Council (internally): damn did this guy come from even further in the past than we thought? Blue Shadow Virus has been eradicated several thousands of years ago...

it's the way obi-wan can do so little to raise luke and leia directly without putting them in danger. leia lives on another planet and owen pushes obi-wan away to protect luke from the lifestyle that everyone believes killed his father. and obi-wan is too afraid to let them in. to let them become another anakin. but he still buys luke a toy ship. and when leia grabs the gloves to try on, he barely hesitates to buy them for her. he loves those kids but he's so afraid to make the same mistakes that he just gets them gifts. a jedi master, who has little material possessions himself. does it remind him of anakin's model ships, does it mean he was the one to buy them for anakin as a way of showing his love when he was too afraid to? is buying a gift for a child the only way he can think to show his love, even decades later?

little cody and little ben kenobi! this is fanart of this wonderful fic that i love very very much