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Turtlecrow

@turtle-crow

18 He/Him Panromantic asexual Designated dad friend
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This is my Tik Tok and this Blog is for my Tik Tok content. I will be posting storyline ideas, cosplay and cosplans here. I will be taking request and answering any questions on my stories.

All the characters and cannon stories belong to the rightful owners, I will be putting my own adaptation and look into their stories. Most of my cosplays will be of my own OCs.

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"we're all going to be using and leaning into spatial computing" this is a telltale sign of rich techbro brainrot. "oh lets reinvent the kitchen timer but worse and connected to wifi" fucking idiot

this is even worse cuz i just realized that you'd literally be wearing a $3500 vr headset while your fucking cooking. this shit would be stupid even if it cost $35

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that-house

briefly forgot Death Note was a thing and was wondering why I'd need to spend $3500 to know if my pasta was transphobic

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"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

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reblogged
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tothechaos

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

:)

Do Not Do This To Me

if this post hits 200k im printing it out and eating it

Achievement Unlocked:

Daily Recommended Dose of Fiber

Make an ill-advised promise within earshot of a gimmick blog.

Quick someone add a fucked-up car so we can get @identifying-cars-in-posts

1976-1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass

That car is not messed up enough. Here.

1981-1983 Delorean DMC-12

I'll write a hauiku as a comment on this post and hope the bot sees

I’ll write a hauiku

as a comment on this post

and hope the bot sees

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Pretty horse!

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i-say-ok

ok.

CAT SPOTTED!!☆ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Fine kitty appearing during our time of need! This Delightful beast only appears once every 1000 years for the small price of $2.50!

/200K

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yronnia

I choose @weirdly-specific-but-ok ! And it's effective!

the second i saw someone chose me for something i felt deep irrational fear. what eldritch demon is this site sacrificing me to now?

oh are we eating paper is that a thing because i am down baby

If someone asks what Tumblr is, show them this thread.

@turtleneck-crowley @ivankaramazov07 isn't this magic. :D :D ;D

TUMBLR IS HUMAN CULTURE AT ITS FINEST I TELL YOU THE DOCTOR WOULD BE PROUD TO SEE US IDIOTS. IVE SHENANID-ONCE, ILL SHENAN-AGAIN

to all those who got the ducktales reference, i send my love and kisses

@probablyautism thnx for remembering the weirdest tumblrina on the planet. also can u explain to ur local grandma what she has to do(apologies are afoot)

So tap on the link above my character and simply make your own it could be an OC or you or your sona, anything.

ON IT BESTIE!

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mystic-mae

im here watching this lmao, funniest shit i seen

Image

NOT THE KILGRAVE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh and @probablyautism here u go luv

CMON FOLKS

DO IT

here you are!!

@mystic-mae IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICREW!!!!!! beautiful business.

Wild how I keep returning to this goddamn post. @queermarzipan ball's in your court babe.

It may still need help getting to 200,000.

Here's Aziraphale in disguise:

And here's a backstage shot of the Gentlemen in 1941 suits:

@tothechaos will you print and eat the entire post? If so, here is a long joke. Don't choke:

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people.

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he’s offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him.

The next day, he’s led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There’s never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week’s time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one.

He doesn’t care that he can’t drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people.

Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana. When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death.

They ask him what he’d like for his last meal. “A single banana,” he says.

“Oh, no you don’t, you son of a bitch. We’re on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you’re not escaping this time!”

The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

Did you give him the banana?” demands the head guard.

“No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn’t give it to him, we swear!” says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.

JEFF, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING URL

Quick! Gordon Ramsey has tasked you to come up with a new recipe with a rather special ingredient: 'this trainwreck of a Tumblr post printed out on paper'. You don't have much time as the exquisite guest will enter the doors of your fancy establishment the moment this post hits 200k notes. Come up with a recipe. Please provide detailed instructions.

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aksm
Chaos Course Set Meal

Bespoke 9 course meal meant to be enjoyed by @tothechaos

Foreword:

As tasked by the prolific Gordan Ramsey, this 9 Course endeavour will feature the post in its entirety segmented into 9 delightfully ornate, unreasonably complex yet delectably unparalleled dishes. In the following, we'll see how to prepare each of these dishes.

Course One

Dish name: 10k notes of Hubris

10k Notes of Hubris is a simple risotto with saffron infusion and forest mushrooms, topped with shavings of the top 9th piece of this post, printed in full colour, regular stock. Due to the nature of a 9 course setting, it is wise to start with a simpler dish.

Ingredients (serves four people):

1 teaspoon of saffron

300g carnaroli rice

50g extra virgin olive oil

20g butter

5g shallots

1l vegetable broth

parsley (to taste)

100g porcini mushrooms

80g portobello mushrooms

100g brown mushrooms

5g truffle oil

5g lemon peel and lemon juice

30g parmesan cheese

thyme (a dash)

5g garlic

A pinch of salt and pepper

The first 9th of this post, printed in full colour with regular stock.

Method:

In a saucepan, pour the oil and the chopped shallot(s), then add the rice and saffron and toast

Pour the broth a little at a time and cook slowly. Allow to cook before adding salt and black pepper. Stir in butter, grated parmesan cheese, chopped parsley, truffle oil, lemon juice and peel.

In a separate saucepan, cook the mushrooms with oil, garlic, thyme, salt and black pepper.

Presentation:

At the base of the dish pour the risotto, complete with forest mushrooms and basil leaves. Shave the printed top 9th of the post and sprinkle on top. Drizzle a dash of olive oil before serving.

The next dish and recipe of this 9 course meal, complete with the next 9th of the post printed and incorporated, will be presented by another chef.

hi jeff (:

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dominyk9

i don't what's more wild to me, how much we are all working on giving someone ink poisoning or learning that @writing-prompt-s has @one-time-i-dreamt 's phone number

I have been summoned many, many times

This post is already one of the most epic I have ever seen. Keep going!

The tumblr post equivalent of the fall of ceasar. Well can't miss my turn with the knife.

Thanks for tagging me! 💖

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catmask

this might be controversial but i also dont really mind. people need spaces that are not the internet where they can be mean and have bad opinions about things because they can change. but capturing a permanent snapshot of a person and then judging them for that for the rest of their life is, actually, really fucking bad for someone's development as a human being

you understood my point beautifully and perfectly and i wish we could hold hands through the screen

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regexkind

I think that when we tell teenagers that their lives will be over if they don't have the most perfect possible trajectory through the education system, that this is, perhaps, if I may be bold, not good for them,

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geminni5

Found this on pinterest had to put it here

Tradwives need to realize the seriousness of the shit they are getting themselves into.

The society isn't all that kind to women.

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bucca2

op I'm very sorry but I can't just let this go by in the tags

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hannsolore

If King Charles dies on or before March 25th, 2024, he will technically be the shortest-reigning king in English history.

Anyway, like to charge, reblog to cast.

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snaxle

today was single handedly the best day of my life. i caught a cop stealing from the store i work at

literally watched him slide a candy bar into his sleeve and i literally felt like i was on top of the world. i felt like i could throw a car over my head. he walked around the store for a bit after that looking to see if we have any locally made pickles and then when he couldnt find any he was about to leave and im like ^__^ have a good night, are you going to pay for the candy bar you stole :3? and then i got to watch a grown ass pig shyly walk up to the counter to pay kinda just awkwardly laughing about it and was like "whoops forgot about it haha...." and then left without another word. this opportunity will never happen ever again. being able to tell a cop that he needs to pay for a candy bar he attempted to steal makes me feel incredibly powerful

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I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

She fucking CUMS

And my chef tells me this stupid ass story and looks me in the eye and says to me

“Nothing says I love you like a gallon of heavy cream in her pussy”

And I think that’s the best sentence I’ve ever heard in my entire life.

Yes good story but WHY IS IT IN LIKE 8 DIFFERENT PARTS DO YOU KNOW WHAT PARAGRAPHS ARE.

ITS THIS. YOU COULD HAVE DONE THIS.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

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Taylor Swift bravely standing up for the right of billionaires to destroy public information. (link here)

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maneth985

I mean...I'm pretty sure it's illegal to track someone's flight (or any personal info such as phone number or address) information, it's stalking behavior and she's worried about her safety, but do go on about how she's protecting oligarchs by doing that 🤷

It is not illegal to track someone's flight; this is publically held information by the FAA. Private planes are part of a taxpayer funded network of airports, air traffic control, etc; all of which need to be able to talk to each other openly and track which planes are going where in order for that system to function properly.

Hiding this information is a public safety issue; if no one knows the plane is there, it creates problems for the safety of that plane and the safety of other pilots flying nearby. If no one knows the plane is in the air, then some hobbyist doctor in his small aircraft could ram right into it and boom, you've got a midair collision raining aircraft parts down on a small town in 'flyover country.'

Funnily enough, the flights are also tracked publically FOR THE SAFETY OF THE PEOPLE ON THE PLANE. If there is an issue with the aircraft, local emergency responses need to be able to identify where the plane went down as quickly as possible in an attempt to save lives. Otherwise, you could end up in a situation like the infamous Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. Elimnating public tracking of her aircraft would probably put Taylor in a lot more harm than broadcasting what airports she flew into/out of ever could. Again, public safety issue.

The FAA was hardline on this during the 2008 financial crisis when lots of major bank executives tried to divert public opinion by scrubbing their flight records (for some reason people were upset that the banks who'd just gotten a bunch of taxpayer bailout money were taking lots of private flights!)

A few years back when Elon Musk claimed this exact same Florida student was posting his 'assasination coordinates' and tried to get legal recourse against him, his legal team quickly found out he had no standing to sue. All Musk could do was ban this kid from twitter.

Again, this information is tracked for public safety. It is legal and important that this tracking information is available. This doesn't stop being true just because the rich person complaining is someone you personally like.

If Taylor Swift was really worried about her safety, then she would do what a lot of other rich people have done these past few years and charter her private flights. That way she's not the owner of the aircraft and, while the plane is still visible, it's unknown who's on it. The CEO of Apple pulls this move, no reason Taylor couldn't do the same.

But she's not doing that. Because this isn't about her safety. This is a petty move because she's upset the whole 'private plane impact on climate change' discourse dinged her reputation a few years back.

And rather than selling her plane or taking less private flights, she selfishly wants to keep one of her favorite toys.

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Vultures are holy creatures.

Tending the dead.

Bowing low.

Bared head.

Whispers to cold flesh,

“Your old name is not your king.

I rename you ‘Everything.’”

fun fact!

Vultures are also responsible for keeping diseases at bay.

Vulture stomach acid is so powerful that it can kill anthrax and many other deadly diseases.

So when they consume the carcass of a creature that has died of disease, they actually destroy the disease within it too!

So yes vultures are 100% holy creatures because they not only eat the dead, but protect the living from death.