ttrpgcafe

Sam Sax, Yr Dead (McSweeney's, 2024)

*steps one degree of separation outside my normal tumblr orbit* oh wow you people are all out of your minds

#i'm quietly ice fishing with my mutuals but sometimes i perceive the shadows of lovecraftian discourse monsters passing below the surface

The decade you’re given is the decade to which you’re transported. Your geographic location doesn’t change; only the time period changes. “Equivalent QOL” means a qualify of life that approximates the life you have now and anticipate being able to have in the future.

sometimes i forget most people don't know that birdhouse shapes aren't just for shits and giggles and that birds actively prefer and even need specific shapes to nest in

So which ones need the Frank Lloyd Wright ass houses?

the ones that make 240,000$ a year by making other birds work in their warehouse for 5 sunflower seeds a day

how do you draw wet hair

okkay. i was going to make an actual tutorial thing to help u but i frogot what i was doing so i drew the most pathetic little wet cat beast imaginable. on accident. so sorry

they pourt wader on him

PHRASE ADDED!

Comic of this here.

we were talking about cats in the vc today

You need to have the 28 other mods and all their dependencies for this mod to work, plus all the mods that they depend on. You also need to go into your x69 files and delete the .gloop file (NOT the .gleeb file!!!) and you need to run CuntExpander to generate a working skeleton for the animations and when that's done you have to reconfigure PNIS (which you should honestly be using NippleSense by now) and then deploy mods, uninstall then reinstall everything, then run PNIS again IN A SEPARATE FILE and deploy. Then it should work 👍

The fact that there's an actually functional website for the library of Babel is one of those things that fucks me up more and more the more I think about the implications.

So, if anyone hasn’t encountered the concept of the library of Babel, the idea comes from a story of the same name by Jorge Luis Borges, which is set inside a seemingly infinite library which contains every possible combination of letters, periods, commas and spaces that fits within 410 pages.

So like... It isn’t THAT out there that someone was able to make a digital version of it. Making an algorithm that randomly generates every possible combination of those 29 characters within that space and making a website that lets you explore those combinations are things that are pretty squarely within the scope of things you’d expect someone to be able to make a computer do.

But it begins to get pretty out there when you start thinking about all the things that are technically contained there (and that someone randomly browsing it could THEORETICALLY stumble upon) just by virtue of being one of those possible combinations of letters, spaces, commas, and periods.

Somewhere in that website there IS a book that specifically mentions me by full name before giving an accurate, excruciatingly detailed, 410-page long physical description of me. There’ also many more books that SEEM to be that but are actually factually inaccurate. There’s also versions of all of those containing every possible combination of every possible typo, spelling mistake, and grammatical error.

Somewhere in that website there IS a book that’s a perfectly accurate prediction of how and when I will die narrated in third person over the course of 410 pages. There’s also a book that contains the exact same events narrated in first person. Not only for me, but for every person in the world. There are many more that claim to be that but are actually inaccurate.

Somewhere in that website there IS a book that’s completely blank except for the world’s funniest dick joke written right at the end of the very last page.

But chances are no one browsing that website is EVER going to see any of that because for every book we would consider useful, interesting, or even intelligible there are millions upon millions upon millions more that are just completely full of gibberish from cover to cover.

Every single thing I will ever write (barring punctuation marks that arent periods or commas and the letter ñ) is already contained somewhere on that website.

I have a volume from the Library of Babel! it's one of my most treasured books.

on the second to last page, about halfway down it reads "OH TIME THY PYRAMIDS" a singular grain of order in the sea of chaos.

The library of babel contains every book to ever exist and moreover it contains all information that can be encoded in a finite string of characters from its alphabet.

I cannot overstate how much I love the Library of Babel. it's wonderful, it is my heart and soul.

at last we created the perplexing nexus, from the novel "wouldnt it be weird if there was a perplexing nexus?"

yeah it would be weird wouldn't it

So, the way it works is kinda clever.

The library of babel in the story is described as an infinite maze of hexagonal rooms. Discounting the exit and entrance, each room has four walls, each wall has five shelves, and each shelf contains 32 volumes.

This is the way it's graphically presented when you're browsing. The website uses an algorithm that takes the room number, wall number, shelf number, and volume number (which can be thought of as a set of coordinates to find a specific book), and uses them as a seed to generate the contents of the book. So the book is technically generated the moment you open it, but the algorithm is written so that the same seed will always produce the same result. So if you ever come back to the same hex, look at the same wall, and choose the same volume on the same shelf, it will generate exactly the same book you read before.

When you use the search function, it reverses the algorithm. Rather than inputting a set of coordinates (hex, wall, shelf, volume) and generating a string of text, you input a string of text and it generates a list of every set of coordinates that produces a book that contains that string of text somewhere inside it, so the search function essentially gives you a list of the hex number, wall number, shelf number and volume number of every book that contains the text you searched up.

"D&D can do anything" and "I don't like dungeon crawls, I enjoy real role-playing" are two statements that often go hand-in-hand and the ironic thing is that the latter statement betrays a very shallow understanding of role-playing while being really snobby. What's even more hilarious is that it's like baby's first RPG elitism, like yeah most people go through a "I like real role-playing" phase but to go through it while putting on airs about the dungeon game while at the same time dismissing dungeon games is real funny.

Anyway, wherever people pick up the idea that dungeon-crawling, the playstyle most supported by D&D, is somehow pedestrian, it very quickly leads to bargaining, like surely if dungeon-crawling is actually bad and for babies then D&D must be capable of so much more, right? Well, truth is, not really, D&D kind of sucks for things besides that.

Where a lot of people go wrong at this point is contending that therefore D&D must be flawed as a role-playing game: like, if it actually kind of sucks for most playstyles besides dungeon-crawling and we've already decided that dungeon-crawling isn't real role-playing, then surely D&D must be bad as a role-playing game?

The issue of course is that most people don't ever interrogate their starting assumption of dungeon-crawls being bad. And truth be told most people who claim to hate dungeon-crawls have never actually played a dungeon-crawl. At most they've played a dungeon-crawl themed linear succession of combat encounters. (I remember this: once when I posted about dungeon-crawls being good, actually, someone responded with a "well I can see the appeal but personally I couldn't enjoy a game that's just back-to-back combat" which is a whole misunderstanding of dungeon-crawls as a genre.)

Anyway so the great thing is that once you re-examine your assumptions about what counts as "real role-playing" and conclude that a dungeon-crawl is as much real role-playing as whatever the fuck Critical Role is doing then you find whole new vectors of being a snooty blowhard and it rules. You can make fun of D&D players in so many new ways,

But dungeons are filled with combats

It takes more time to fight than to do other stuff in official dnd dungeon and I swear I was using all the tools to speed up the combat and my players were optimising

Engaging in combat *is* roleplaying! DnD expects combats to be a central part of the roleplaying experience!

If you don't believe that, it might be that you'd feel more at home playing a game less combat-centred?

Adding to that Dungeons are not *just* a series a of rooms with enemies. A Dungeon is a place that exists in the world, it could be a crypt, it could be a cave, a cursed section of the forest, or even an actual dungeon. Consequently, a dungeon is also an opportunity for world building, “what kind of creatures make their home here?”, “what is in this place and why?”, “what’s the history of this place?”, “has anyone tried exploring this place before?”. Any answer to any of these questions is an opportunity for players to do roleplaying “what equipment should we buy for the dungeon?”, “who or what should I consult for information on the dungeon?”. This is before getting into traps, puzzles, or secret passages which are also part of your “typical” dungeon experience. A dungeon can also have non combat encounters, you can find fellow adventurers, lost would be treasure hunters, or even people inhabiting the dungeon.

A dungeon being a series of back to back combats is a gross oversimplification.

I want to provide an example of a dungeon crawl for the people who have only been exposed to dungeon crawling through shitty D&D5e modules or bad games of telephone about what classic dungeon crawling looks like.

I’m gonna try not to go into too much detail just because if I do, I’ll be here all day and night because this campaign is so good and all of the characters have so much depth but I still have to give context. (welp, i made it pretty fucking long anyway, but I think it paints a clearer picture that way.)

This is an mildly homebrewed* AD&D2e “troupe campaign” with rotating DMs starring a fictional band of mercenaries called the White Company(not to be confused with the actual White Company or the other fictional White Company) in an alternate history 1390s-1430s England with elves and wizards and shit. I’m really getting to put my Masters in medieval history and culture to good use for once. There’s a rotating cast of characters, as parties are formed from the larger pool of characters in the White Company to undertake mercenary jobs.

*one of the biggest homebrew rules we use is that there is no magical resurrection. Instead of dying instantly with the expectation that they can be magically revived later, characters who fall to 0 HP must receive medical attention from somebody who has the Healing skill immediately, and make a Constitution-based roll to see if they can pull through. If they don’t die, they still permanently lose 1 point of Constitution and must spend weeks or months recovering before they can fight again.

This is happening in a real 1979 D&D adventure module, adapted slightly to fit our setting, but it’s still genuine classic dungeon crawling. The DM is sticking closely to it and just presenting the sandbox for the PCs to do stuff in.

TL;DR: (also spoilers. Skip the TL;DR if you want to read this as a narrative without knowing what happens)

A classic dungeon crawl is not just a dull slog through a bunch of rooms full of monsters and back-to-back boring slap-fight combat. One may encounter:

>yes, monsters, definitely. Some will be out in the open, some will ambush the party, and some will be easy to ambush by the party, but rarely is fighting and killing them the only option. Combat happens either when the party screws up, or when they initiate it on their own terms.

>other adventurers looting the same dungeon

>hidden treasure

>monsters that are basically a trap and puzzle themselves and can’t be fought by just making attack rolls at them

>monsters that can be talked to and negotiated with

>environmental storytelling that can also be hints about hidden traps, monsters, etc.

>boobytraps

>secret doors

>plenty of moments for the characters' personalities to shine

(END OF SPOILERS)

The White Company is currently under the employ of a certain castillan who is having to fight against a pretender to his claims to his lands. The lord that this castellan owes fielty has noticed that a certain village has stopped paying their taxes, and asked the castellan to deal with it. The castellan told the White Company, currently on his payroll, and the White Company sent a small group of mercenaries to either investigate or rough the peasants up until they pay. (Medieval mercenaries nor classic D&D adventurers were exactly heroes. Members of the White Company have engaged in some real moving acts of heroism in this campaign but that’s a different story.)

The White Company party consisted of 8 PCs, because AD&D expects bigass parties. We‘ve had parties of up to 13 PCs before in this campaign, because this is before D&D got embarrassed about its wargaming ancestry. This might sound scary but honestly AD&D2e does not make it hard for a player to play multiple characters at once. It’s expected.

Anyway, they passed a ransacked wagon on the road while traveling to the village. When they got to the village, everything was just fine, no great plumes of smoke or burninated peasants. So they asked the village headman what the deal was, and he was like “What do you mean? We sent the taxes last week.”

Well, that was the ransacked wagon. Here I’m going to start really fast-forwarding.

The White Company mercs did some investigating and found out who sacked the wagon, kicked their asses and ran them off, and discovered just the slightest hint that there was more to this story..

More investigation, a discovery that there’s a greater conspiracy afoot, a fight with two spies that left Elora the Elf bedridden under the care of the local barber-surgeon after getting stabbed in the gut(one party member down.)

Fast-forwarding more. They discover that the old abandoned fort that’s full of monsters is actually where a contingent of the bad guys have made their forward operating base. This abandoned castle is supposedly full of monsters ever since the calamity that made everything full of monsters but that’s another story too. God I’m bad at brief stories. Anyway the bad guys have some tricks for avoiding the monsters on their way in and out apparently.

So, it’s time for the White Company to assault that abandoned castle. That’s a dungeon, and now it’s dungeon crawling time. Using a huge amount of money they found during the investigation, they subcontract some more mercenaries, a party from the Badger Company, and also convince the village headman to levy some peasant militiamen.

Now the party is 24-strong, almost half of that being archers.

I’m fast-forwarding some more. They had a little.. incident where they ran into a group of adventurers trying to loot the place, mistook them for the bad guys, and shot two of them with crossbow bolts. Luckily, and due to the medical skills of some of the party, those two survived, but one of them will be on crutches for a while. After that embarrassing misunderstanding, they find the way down into the lower floors of the castle, but before they go, they want to make sure there’s no chance of anything coming behind them, so they investigate every room on the upper floor. Ordinarily, going around provoking everything in a dungeon and having back-to-back combat encounters would be inadvisable, but they’re 24 men strong. They find a room full of giant rats and shoot them to death with crossbow bolts. They find a giant lizard thing asleep on a rock and shoot it to death with crossbow bolts. They find a giant snake in its nest and shoot it to death with crossbow bolts. Then a giant tick drops from the ceiling and bites into Abigail, the youngest White Company member present, right through her mail armor. They stab it to death but its sucker thing is buried deep in there and they can’t just pull it out because it’s got barbs. She was at very low HP after the initial bite and just ripping the thing out could easily nick the artery and kill her. Luckily, Herr Rike(Fighter-Thief) and all around unpleasant woman, is also a barber-surgeon, and several of the spellcasters can provide a limited amount of magical healing. She had to strip down while the men averted their eyes and stood watch. While Abigail, teary-eyed, bit down on the shaft of a crossbow bolt, Rike was able to carefully cut the thing out of her, with magical healing coming right after to ensure that this doesn’t, well, completely disable the use of her arm. After a few moments of recovery (accelerated by the magic), Abigail got dressed again, and soon had the gruff men of the Badger Company clapping her on the back and congratulating her for making it through that. “We’ve all been there!” “Yer a real mercenary now!” “That’ll put some hair on yer chest, figuratively!”

(I’m making sure to include all this stuff in detail to dispel the myth that “dungeon crawling means no roleplaying.” That part kinda was “back-to-back combat” but only because the party went out of their way to find every monster, all of which could’ve been avoided otherwise.)

Each of these encounters lasted like 1 combat round and less than 15 minutes of real time even with that many characters, because AD&D2e combat doesn’t fucking suck.

There was some treasure to find too, pretty valuable stuff, but for the sake of this not being even more overly long the only thing I’m going to mention is a large jug of lamp oil.

Descending the stairs, a man and woman of the Badger Company were suddenly dropped down on by two acidic green slimes. The party quickly discovered that these could not be conventionally attacked, especially not while they’re clinging to the distressed Badger Company members. Slicing and stabbing the slimes with swords does nothing obviously, and risks further injuring their allies.

Thinking quickly, Abigail has the idea to try scraping and shoveling the slime off with her shield, which kind of works, and everyone with a shield follows suit. The slimed Badger Company mercs survive, managing to avoid total disfigurement too, but are in no condition to continue. Their armor and helmets and weapons have been ruined by the acid and they’ve lost a lot of skin. Everyone whose shield was used to shovel off the slime also lost their shields as the acid ruined them.

The man and woman that got slimed had to go up stairs and wait for the return of the larger group, it was a really good thing that the party checked every corner of the upper floor and killed anything that could be a danger to two unarmed and critically wounded people. Herr Rike was the one who told them to go upstairs as she poured water over their wounds, washing away acid and chunks of melted skin, and, sarcastically in her horrible voice, said that everyone would vouch for the woman’s virginity.* Herr Rike’s voice “sounds like a saw.”

*In the Middle Ages, an unmarried woman’s virginity was pretty important to her societal respect, and if she was left alone with a lone man for too long, someone may call her virginity into question. Of course the joke here is that everyone knows that no matter what, they aren’t going to get it on while bits of their skin are still sliding off. None of the Badger Company thought it was very funny.

With the slimes pooled on the ground, they were hardly a threat, they’re super slow and you could just sorta step around them, but they still needed to be dealt with to not become a problem later. Herr Rike went back upstairs and got that jug of lamp oil and poured it on and around the slimes and lit them on fire. That killed them.

So now the party is down two fighters and nearly all of their shields.

It’s dark down here obviously, and several people are carrying torches. Going is a bit slower in the poor lighting. Herr Rike makes a Detect Noise* check. She hears something like faint grinding of stone to the east. This huge band of armed and armored men coming into the castle has definitely made a ton of noise, so Rike’s impression of this sound is that the bad guys have heard them coming, and hid behind some kind of secret door in the stone walls. She tells everyone to keep a look out for any weird cracks in the walls.

*AD&D2e doesn’t have Perception like D&D5e. If it’s in front of them they can see it, if it’s making noise they can hear it, if it stinks they can smell it, etc. However, characters of the Thief class can make a skill check to listen closely for the chance to hear extremely faint sounds that wouldn’t normally be audible.

They check a few yards to the west first, finding two sturdy doors with fine, brand new inset locks on them. Rike tries, but fails to get through these in any way, so they move on to the south and find a long hallway full of cell doors. In the cells are months-old rotten corpses with visible wounds in most of them. It doesn’t look like the starved to death. The stench is almost overwhelming so they turn back and go north to the last door.

To the north they go through a room filled with, like, garbage. Dirt, broken bits of wooden furniture, rotten animal hides, and even what might be feces. Everyone is checking the ceilings carefully now too after the tick and the slimes, and this ceiling looks like it’s on its way to caving in, but not any immediate danger. They go to a door on the far end of the garbage room and open it. All the while, Herr Rike is checking for traps both passively* and actively. There don’t seem to be any traps, but the stench of the next room still hits them like a wall and makes Abigail and some of the others gag. It smells like “unwashed flesh,” in modern terms, it smells like a Magic: The Gathering tournament in there. Rike is unphased, and hisses out into the darkness “Come out, I can smell you.”

*Like I said before about perception, the main way to check for traps is just the player asking the DM “does my character see any weird stones on the floor ahead? Can he see a tripwire behind the door? When he opens the door, can he nudge it open with his sword while standing to the side in case anything shoots out?” and so on, but Thieves can also make skill checks to passively notice them on top of that.

After a few seconds, there’s a loud, low growl from the far corner. “I can smell you too..”

An enormous, grotesque figure steps into the edge of the torchlight. He’s easily nine feet tall and looks like if you took an already large man and stretched him out in all the wrong ways. He’s wearing a loincloth and a huge cape of animal hide, and carrying a full sized halberd that he’s big enough to use as a one-handed weapon. He scrapes it along the ground menacingly, making a horrible sound, but not the same sound that Rike heard earlier with her Detect Noise ability.

Rike doesn’t back away, but holds her crossbow casually in the crook of her arm. They’re about 10 feet from each other. She says in her hoarse, raspy whisper. “So, you can talk. Do you have a name?”

The hulking monster growls his answer. “Lubash. Do you?” He sounds almost as bad as Rike.

“Yes.”

“Hmph. Rude not to answer..” he grunts in annoyance.

“What are you doing down here, Lubash?”

“I guard this place for the people here. Eat people who come in.” He grins, showing jagged and pointy teeth. “Great gig.”

“Congratulations. Do you know who you work for, Lubash?”

“Do you?”

“No, we’re here to find that out.”

“Good luck...” He grins again.

“Thank you, Lubash. Are you going to get in our way?”

Lubash Points his halberd towards the doorway where Rike stands, looking behind her at the dozens of armored men carrying swords, polearms, and crossbows. “No. I go out there, I die. You come in here, you die.”

“We can agree to those terms. Where do that door behind you lead?”

“That’s my pantry.”

Rike nods. She’s not 100% sure that she believes him, but there’s no dice roll for that in AD&D2e, so it’s up to logic and the DM’s description of Lubash’s body language. She decides that even if he is lying, that she would rather not press him and get in the way of that halberd until she has exhausted all her other options. “One more thing, Lubash. Do you know your bosses are holding out on you?”

“How?”

“There’s a dozen corpses in the cells down the hall. They aren’t letting you eat those?”

“No, those aren’t mine, here before I got here. Nasty, rotten.”

Rike attempted to weaken Lubash’s trust with his bosses, but seemingly to no avail. She said goodbye to Lubash and closed the door, then she sprinkled more of the lamp oil all around the floor and flammable objects of the garbage room, and left the other door to the garbage room just slightly open, propping the jug up on top of it, so that if Lubash tries to follow them, he’ll get a nasty splash and then go up on flames at a brush with one of their torches. Plus, the shattering of the jar would alert them.

Now despite the smell, the path of least resistance was south, past the wall of cells with dead bodies in them.

Rike moved forward, noticing nothing out of the ordinary except a greater amount of dust in the mostly empty room further down compared to the rest of the place so far, as if no one had been down there in a long time. It wasn’t exactly *obvious* in hindsight, but she should have known better still. As she stepped into the room down the hall, there was a faint flash of light as she seemingly crossed some kind of invisible line, a magical trap! Someone with more knowledge of magic might have been able to see more of the signs if they were in front, but it was already too late. There was a shuffling sound from the cells as all twelve of the corpses rose to their feet. Most mercenaries immediately realized what was happening, and everyone quickly readied their weapons, falling into formation shoulder-to-shoulder with the archers and spellcasters in back, and three men in reserve watching the doorway with the jug in case Lubash decided to try and make a move for them while they were preoccupied. The line was close to the cell doors, with gaps where every other man stood a few feet back, creating mini chokepoints and kill zones at each door where each one corpse would trickle through and have to fight alone against three mercenaries rather than meeting them all at once. Ceridwen, a druid spellcaster, cast a spell, Fairy Fire, which highlighted the first row of walking corpses in the dark, giving the party a bonus to attack rolls against them.

The dozen walking corpses stood and shambled forward slowly enough that the mercenaries got 2 rounds to act before they were upon them. They shot a volley of crossbow bolts and arrows. The projectiles sunk deep into rotten eye sockets, chests, and shoulders, but at best it just made some of them stumble. Another volley. Even more hit this time, with a couple of criticals for what should’ve been massive damage, but the undead just kept walking forward until they reached the line of spears and swords. In mechanical terms it seemed that they took reduced or possibly even zero damage from piercing attacks like crossbow bolts.

Both players and characters started to get pretty nervous as we started rolling for all these melee attacks and it started to seem like despite stabbing big holes in them with spears and slicing off hands and arms with swords, the undead just didn’t stop. It was the last melee attack of the mercenaries’ round that finally “killed” one. One of the mercenaries using a quarterstaff managed to crush one’s head against the stone wall and it finally stopped moving. Seeing this, those that had them, which was quite few, switched weapons to clubs, thinking that the only way might be to bash them with bludgeoning damage. After another round, another corpse was “killed” with a sword, but it’s still possible that they only take half-damage from slashing weapons. Chrysanthemum, another White Company fighter, brought her weighted grain flail down on another corpse, shattering its skull with such force that flecks of bone sprinkled everyone around. She let out a girlish squeal of disgust.

Piercing weapons were definitely a no-go after one of the corpses just kept walking down the shaft of a spear after being impaled, and grabbed the spearman’s neck, pulling at it until it ripped a small hole in the front, dropping the man into a pool of blood. Another woman was hit so had in the head by one of the corpses unnaturally strong blows that she would’ve surely died if not wearing a helmet. She could still stand, but had to swap out, an archer from the back drawing his sword and stepping in to take her place. One of the other militiamen grabbed the bleeding man and hoisted him backwards out from under the feet of the melee, where Ceridwen quickly got down on her knees to bandage the wound, even though it seemed futile. For his trouble, as his attention was momentarily averted, the militiaman who pulled him back was lunged upon and grabbed into a bear hug by another corpse. He could hardly yell as three ribs cracked in quick succession.

Rike beat that one’s skull in with her baton until it loosened its grip, but she and Abigail still had to pry its arms off before the critically wounded man could be dragged off the front line. With was another round of chopping and beating the remaining corpses down before the coast seemed clear.

The whole combat sequence lasted maybe 6 rounds, and took about 45 minutes of real time, even with over 30 combatants total to make rolls for. It was a nail biter, and would’ve been much worse if the mercenaries hadn’t made such good use of positioning and formation.

Rike quickly went to see to the wounded with Ceridwen. Putting her ear to the crushed man’s chest, she could tell that he hadn’t punctured a lung, but it would still be best to move him as little as possible. She then set to helping Ceridwen carefully clean and bandage the other man’s neck wound. She tended to him last because, having seen the wound happen, she knew that if he hadn’t bled out of suffocated before she got to him, that would be the only indication that he could be saved.

It might as well have been a miracle. The wound exposed part of his trachea, but just missed the jugular and carotid. As long as it was kept clean and bandaged, he had a chance to live. The men cheered and praised God as loudly as they dared to in this place.

As Rike stood up from him, she commanded four of the men to make a stretcher out of an old tent and carefully carry the crushed man upstairs. She jerked her head to the side to indicate the bleeding man, the motion just for an instant shifting her mail gorget and helmet’s visor enough to expose the rough, pale scar tissue across her own throat, speaking in her raspy whisper of a voice. “He can walk.”

The party regrouped after taking the wounded men upstairs. (Again, really really good thing they made the call to hunt down and kill everything on the upper floor.) This hallway was the furthest east they had been, but it seemed to be a dead end. Rike and Ceridwen set to work looking for that secret door. It took about half an hour of searching (in game time, like 1 minute of describing their actions in real time) before Ceridwen found something. She pulled it, and a wall nearby slowly slid down, exposing a narrow passageway.

The funny thing was, the sound of that secret door opening was absolutely not the sound that Rike hear with her Detect Noise ability earlier either, and the dust and cobwebs beyond indicated that this secret passage had not been used in months. So, like, even though they thought they heard a secret door, they were wrong, and it’s only through dumb luck that they stumbled upon this. Like a broken clock.

That’s where we left off in the last session.

Sorry that was long as fuck but I hope this paints a clearer picture of what a classic “dungeon crawl” is actually like to those of you who have never experienced one.

Oh and if you’re wondering the DM told us later that those walking corpses take normal damage from Slashing and Bludgeoning attacks but always 1 damage from Piercing attacks.

@gingerbreadbeholder

Thank you!

Yes, we use a virtual tabletop grid with little tokens for that kind of dungeon exploration and combat. We rotate GMs in the White Company AD&D2e campaign referenced in that post, and whatever virtual tabletop we’re using just sorta depends on the preference or convenience for that particular GM.

This time we were using Roll20 with a high-res remake of the dungeon from the actual adventure module. Here’s a few screenshots.

This screenshot is of a bit of a zoomed out view so you can see how many characters we’re working with. There’s 28 White Company&Allies(9 or which, the cynocephali, are enemy mercenaries that Herr Rike bribed to switch sides) and 16 enemy guys. That blue square is where the party's magician, Lady Serena Graves(drawn in white with a green border just above the green border token that uses Pentament art. ) cast her one spell of like the whole adventure and made the ceiling collapse on the guy with the purple robe, instantly ending what would have been a super deadly fight. The guy in the purple robes popped out from behind the corner during the negotiations and cast a spell of paralysis (and probably some other worse effects along with it) on Herr Rike before anyone could react. Against all odds, she passed a save that had a 90% chance to fail, the spell failed to take hold. We rationalized that this might be because she's already like 15% scar tissue and paralyzed muscles, so she's used to standing on bad legs, and so it just barely impeded her, enough to look like there was no effect at all. Then Serena Graves immediately brought the ceiling down on him, which was the plan all along. They had heard from the captured enemy fighters that this guy was such a deadly fighter and powerful magician that they were all terrified of him, so the party didn't take any chances. Rike getting hit by a spell wasn't part of the plan, but other than that, Serena Graves collapsed the ceiling on him as soon as she saw him, just as planned.

It's a good thing too, the DM told us some of his stats later and the captives were not fucking kidding. If this had come to an actual fight, he would have been one-shotting at least one party member per round, without even accounting for over a dozen other enemies.

The thing about magical characters in AD&D is that they will spend the whole adventure doing absolutely nothing until it comes time for them to snap their fingers and make one insurmountable problem instantly go away. The others surrendered after this, and under guard from the White Company&Allies, dug through the rubble to rescue the other half that had been trapped inside.

The token that uses Pentament art is one of the White Company Fighters, Chrysanthemum. Abigail is the one represented by the art from @ ironlily on twitter. Miles is the anime guy. Thistle the Witch is next to Chrysanthemum. Ceridwen is the other green token with a dog.

Here’s a more zoomed in picture where you can see the tokens more clearly. You can see Herr Rike(left, drawn in white with a green token border) and one of the sub-contracted mercenaries (Japanese warrior with a blue border token.) holding two previously-captured enemy soldiers (outlined in red right above them) at knife-point while negotiating with the rest of the enemy. Some of this is our own art, some of it is just whatever we can find, but a lot of it is from either HeroForge or Mordhau. Mordhau is great for quickly creating a bunch of unique historically accurate goons for this campaign, but you have to play a lot of that game to unlock a wide variety of armors. Luckily, I have over 500 hours in it.

And here’s a screenshot of the rooms where a lot of the above story took place. You can see the stairs where those two guys got slime attacked, the door where I drew a lock to indicate it was locked after Herr Rike couldn’t pick the lock, the room with Lubash in it, the door where Herr Rike propped up the jug of oil(drawn in yellow), the hallway with cells where the revenants came out, and the secret passage they eventually found.

We don’t always perfectly adhere to the grid itself, like in instances where it makes sense that the group should be able to stack up closer than the usual 5-foot squares would allow, but even then it is still useful for keeping track of relative positioning, so there is often some theater-of-the-mind going on, but for tactical combat games like every edition of D&D, I really can’t recommend a grid enough.

Also, use adventure modules. If you want a D&D dungeon crawl, play AD&D2e or earlier (I have also heard good things about Advanced Fantasy Dungeons, which is supposed to be a "modernization" of AD&D.) and use the dozens and dozens or even hundreds of adventure modules compatible with them that already come with great dungeons right out the box! The story above is from using an actual 1979 D&D adventure module, and the great thing about using some of the older and more famous ones is that man of them will have resources you can find online, such as fancy remakes of their maps and stuff. "Use adventure modules" and "create situations, not plots" are the two most important pieces of advice I can give to any GM.

You discover that you have control over a certain thing, as determined by spinning this wheel. We're talking full-on magical girl/superhero/supervillain/your label of choice control.

Probably the most interesting experience I've had as a player in any edition of D&D was in a GMless campaign I was playing with my husband in B/X D&D a couple years ago.

I was playing a fighter who, through a combination of a not-so great constitution score and very bad luck in my initial hp roll, started the game with a maximum of 4hp. By contrast, my husband was playing a thief who, thanks to a very lucky roll and having an unusually high constitution score for a thief, started the game with 7hp, almost twice as much as my fighter. And he stayed having more HP than my character for most of the time we spend playing, because im B/X thieves require a lot less XP to level up than fighters, so even though my fighter would have eventually caught up in terms of HP at level 2 or 3, the thief was consistently a couple levels ahead of him.

Us being a party of only two people where the most combat-effective character could easily die in a couple hits (or even one if I was really unlucky) resulted in using a lot of ambush tactics to take advantage of the thief's backstab ability before combat started, and also a lot of avoiding combats and fleeing when I was at 1-2hp.

But also, since we were playing with a pretty common OSR houserule (often called "broken shield rules" or "shields shall be splintered") which essentially says that, if you have a shield, you can use it to block all damage from a successful enemy attack at the cost of your shield being destroyed, this eventually resulted in my character always carrying at least a couple spare shields with him. We decided that my character probably shouldn't be able to just pull out another shield from his pack in the middle of a fight, so it was a trick that I could use to save my ass once per combat.

Which had interesting consequences for the encumbrance and resource management aspect of the game, of course. Because consistently having to buy a couple shields every time we came to town was a significant expense for my character, but also, and most importantly, because in B/X most of your XP comes from the value of treasure that your party is able to gather and carry back to town. And this created an interesting conundrum for me because every extra shield I brought along was a chance for my character to survive a hit that would otherwise kill him, but it also meant possibly being able to carry less loot, and often resulted in us having to leave treasure behind and either accept that we couldn't have it all, or us getting stubborn and making plans to come back for the rest of it later, which resulted in some pretty interesting situations when coming back to dungeons where the denizens were probably prepared to deal with us if we came back.

So anyway. My point being, "annoying" mechanics like high lethality and resource management and carry weight are good and they can take you to amazing and unexpected places if you decide to actually give them a chance to shine instead of immediately excising your game of anything that's mildly inconvenient.

"Annoying" game mechanics are only annoying if players are looking at the game from a certain perspective. Most "annoying" mechanics, from my experience, force players to slow down and be really mindful of what they are doing with their characters. I love this mindful style of play, and I wish it was better advocated for in the gaming space. It is an OSR style, but I don't think the OSR scene communicates it this way for whatever reason.

I had a player character in my AD&D 2nd game that I ran in high school who had like 7 Strength and 3 Constitution. Serious drawbacks, but it meant that the character was played very interestingly.

@thydungeongal think you'd like this post!

How do you play without a gm?

There are a variety of GM emulator tools such as Mythic Game Master Emulator, Conjectural Roleplaying GM Emulator, or the Game Master's Apprentice deck. The basic gist of most of those tools is that they contain procedures to generate a yes/no answer.

So the basic procedure for most of them is that they act as an overlay to the normal rules of whatever game you're playing. You play the game as normal, but whenever you need to know some information that normally would be given to you by your GM, you phrase it in the form of a yes/no question (such as "is there anyone in the room?", "is the door locked?" or "are there any guards patrolling this area?") and then use the procedures of your GM emulator to get an answer to it. Then you either resolve the situation that arises from that answer through the normal game rules, or, in the case that you need to further define the situation, ask further clarifying questions (e.g. if the answer to "is the door locked?" comes up as "yes" you could ask if there's a carpet near the door and then if there is a key hidden under the carpet).

Uusually these types of tools also have procedures for random events and when to roll for them. Usually what random events procedures do is give you a type of event, and then make you roll on a big list of words to generate a phrase that describes what the event is. For example, when rolling for a random event in Mythic you could get the event type "NPC action" (meaning that an NPC does something) and the phrase "trick allies", or the event type "PC negative" (meaning that something bad happens to one of the player characters) and the phrase "release burden". It's then up to the players to interpret exactly what this event means in the current situation.

Personally my husband and I tend to use CRGE most often because it can give "yes" "yes, and..." "yes, but..." "no" "no, and..." and "no, but..." answers, which makes things more interesting. We also tend to use our GM emulator of choice in conjunction with more system-specific tools. For example, if whatever system we're playing has stuff like NPC generators, random loot tables, or random encounter tables we'll use those when appropriate.

A lot of GM emulators also include more granular tools for specific things aside from their general yes/no asnwer engine. For example, Mythic has a very in-depth system for determining NPC actions depending on their motivations and the actions of the PCs, although I will admit we rarely if ever end up using it because I think that despite how cool it is in concept, in practice it's a little slow and cumbersome to actually use during play.

this is either the best dub ever or the most atrocious thing of mankind

If anyone ever asks why literal translations are inaccurate, show them this video.

This is so silly.

"Oh you had a plague? Come back to us when you had a World War, brand new unconventional weapons, and a new international order."

I apologize.

insert that YOU chihuahua post where theyre being pinned down i cant for the life of me find it

This one?

Oh, Charles. The hubris. Honey. You had to know this was a possibility. Why would you tempt Apollo like that.

I love how we don't even need Apollo to be captioned, it's just "he's holding a dodgeball and looks Greek statue, of COURSE it's Apollo delivering the gift of prophecy unto unsuspecting tumblr users"

Absolute fucking trainwreck of a post

Oh gee I wonder why this is going around again

Really been mulling this over a lot lately.

Transcript of Tiktok by stevetomjohn, in response to a stitch that says “but I am not going to hang onto every CNN breaking news…”:

This is one of the few times when I’m actually going to weigh in with my expertise, I did my PhD dissertation on North Korean propaganda. North Korea is, contrary to popular belief, a right wing authoritarian ethnostate, and there are a lot of reasons why that is that I’m not going to get into in this video. 

But as someone who thought a lot about propaganda, I have some things that I want to share. The main thing is exactly this point, that it’s a bad idea to pay attention to every little thing that you see. A lot of people think of propaganda as something that’s trying to teach you something that you end up believing, so it’s like “profits are great now, profits are great now, profits are great now!” and then all of a sudden the audience is like “oh yeah, profits are great now,” but that’s actually not the case most of the time. 

One of the articles that really broke my brain about this is, again, this is a very academic article in 20th century music, called “Stalin and the Art of Boredom” by Marina Frolova-Walker who specializes in soviet propaganda of sort of the mid 20th century. And she argues that the point of a lot of propaganda is not actually to convince you of anything, but to bore you into submission by basically filling up your brain to the point where nothing else can take up that space. So like, if you see a statue of Stalin in the courtyard, it doesn’t actually inspire any feelings about Stalin, but what it does do is fill up that “statue” position with something of Stalin so you cannot image something else being there. 

So, if you’re someone who wants to see a different world, staying on this outrage wheel, obsessing over the people that you don’t want in that position, actually has that effect on you, it prevents you from sort of imagining and planning what you would actually want the world to look like, because you’re spending too much time obsessing over the way that it looks now. Just one of the many ways that I would advise you to protect your mental health in the world and help you build the world that you want to see.