trinity🌿

“there’s a door that leads to the rooms of my memory where you still live. I don’t want to open it today. today it’s enough to sit on the steps, and just listen to the distant sounds of what was once you.”

1. i don’t believe anyone is actually ever going to stay. all i’ve ever known is voicemails and unanswered texts. i learn to count the days until i’m alone again rather than anniversaries. it’s always loved and lost loved and lost. so tell me, when are you leaving?
2. these days i’m terrified to go outside. always so worried, so afraid of seeing people and feeling that pain all over against constantly on the look out, losing my breathe over every blonde i see. it doesn’t get easier, it isn’t getting better. i don’t know how to tell you.
3. you look at me and sometimes it’s like you aren’t there. it’s like you see something, someone else entirely. where do you go? what are you thinking? when will you let me in enough to ever know the answer?
4. i’m trying everything to prove to you that i’m worthy of being the person you let your walls down for. i would never hurt you, never let you down. it’s like every time i take a brick down you build another in its place. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what to do… tell me what to do…

Alternative responses to “I love you”: Stranger Things teens edition

“come back. she never said those words out loud but they continuously lingered in the air between them. the air that was intoxicated with the lies he told her and the pain she felt. the air that stood in between of them like a wall, blinding both of them. she never had to courage to say the words out loud, not even after four glass of wine that made her nostalgic of him, his breath, how he smelled and how deeply he was loved. she wanted him to understand the unsaid words with every blog post she wrote and every song lyric she sang but they all just went unnoticed. unnoticed only by him. she wished he could come back to her but with time she realised, some wishes never come true. some wishes, no matter how much you wish for them, simply never come true..”

“i am slowly forgetting your smell, the sound of your steps, and the hand motions you make while talking but i’m so sure, whenever i’ll see you again, i’ll recognise these immediately and it’ll feel like coming home after a long tiring day.”

“There was a time this wasn’t toxic. There was a time you were my safe habour in a storm, the lighthouse leading me home. There was a time your arms kept me warm when my body was empty and cold. There was a time that your smile could dig me out of the grave I had dug for myself. Somewhere along the line you became the storm, you were cold and cruel and suddenly you were in the dirt digging with me. I don’t know where this went wrong, maybe there is only so much of my crazy that you could take, maybe you liked the idea of loving a sad girl but the reality never lived up to the expectation. As good as it was when you loved me, the feeling of an empty bed when you left was so gut-wrenching that I wish I never knew what it was to be loved by you.”

“Getting over you is the hardest think I have ever had to do. Don’t think I will ever be done. The more time passes the more I realize parts of you still linger inside of me like shards of broken glass, forever embedded in my heart.”

“You think I hate you", she said. “And at times I have thought that myself. But the truth is, I never really did. Out of all the things in my heart, there is only pity left for you. I pity you. I pity you because you hurt me and didn’t even realize it. I pity you because you once didn’t want me when I wanted you and now that I have convinced myself it’s all over, you come back, acting like it’s never been that way at all.” Her voice turned husky when she looked at him but her eyes were as fierce as a lioness and it was obvious she meant what she said. “I only tell you this so you know how much I loved you”, she added. “And that I wish I could simply hate you. I really do.”

“I tried. I hope you know that. You know that right? I tried harder than I ever did before. I salted bullet holes and mended my own wounds so you wouldn’t think I was damaged because I wasn’t, at least not with you. I stitched myself back together; I tried so hard to make it work, to make things work, to make us work somehow but that wasn’t enough.”

“I’m looking for a way out of me.”