A High Functioning Fangirl

One of my favorite genres of post

kitten, stop fucking around and tell daddy where you hid his prozac or daddy's gonna add another 'hey there delilah' to the sex playlist

why do you guys only like my bad posts

hi prev i read all my tags anyway my wife watches house and she says you’re right

Everyone should read their own fanfics recreationally tbh this shit fucking rules. It's like the author knows exactly what I like.

why doesn’t that bitch ever update 😭

this is how i cope with the death of the park bench…

Sure you're "child free" now. But in 20 years when your riches are vast and you rule with an iron fist you're gonna feel real fucking embarrassed when you're ready to be usurped and the only guy scheming enough to poison your wine Is a weird cousin with vague familial connections instead of your flesh and blood idiot son that wants the throne a few years sooner

i guarantee you i will not be usurped by some cousin, i will have personally selected and groomed my murderer for success like a roman emperor

Men who work on a movie together and then come back a decade later to work on a show where they play a tragic gay couple>>>

Inspired by this post that I can't find <3

I don't know what I expected.

Y'all know that we don't actually NEED a lot of people to hunt the mammoth, and they don't need to do it very often, right?

Like, that's really more of a "small, specialized band of hunters" task than a "turn out the whole damn clan" type of task.

Plus a single mammoth has so much meat and other useful materials. I think we'll be fine.

#poll currently has 10% of us risking life and limb for meat and 90% on other activities which sounds right to me!#IIRC that is the proportion of hunting to gathering that many societies have had#we have way too many freeloading time travelers though#at least carry my basket full of roots berries and assorted herbs and mushrooms won't you

Exactly! The problem isn't the hunters, it's those darn time travelers! Least they can do is carry stuff and maybe bring us some sweet presents from the future.

Me n who

This could be us but the US government won't let disabled people marry each other without losing their disability benefits 💕

the blogsitter called the blog owner and said "everything's great, but can i cover up the creepy clown jpeg next to the dashboard? it's kinda freaking me out" the blog owner got quiet and then said "take the blog and leave the website right now. i don't have a creepy clown jpeg"

Recreating the Ice King Crown, from Adventure Time

I see his robot as an absolute win

OK - a very tangential takeoff: Engineering prof assigns students this question: Explain how to determine the height of a very tall building using a barometer.

Obviously meant to use change in barometric pressure with altitude. But one student submitted the following:

There are several ways of doing this

1. On a sunny day, stand the barometer up in the sun, measure the length of its shadow relative to its height, then measure the length of the building’s shadow and calculate its height from that.

2. Go into the stairwell and climb the stairs to the top, marking off the length of the barometer on the wall, giving you the height of the building in “barometer units”.

3. Go onto the roof of the building and drop the barometer off the top and time how long it takes to hit the ground, then calculate the height using the well known formula of 32 ft./sec./sec.

4. Go into the office of the building superintendent and say “If you tell me how tall this building is, I will give you this nice barometer”.

Newton….

This is basically any DnD party solving puzzles but with more success.

i love white pitbulls they are so funney like.... that aninal is pink....

pink individuals from googleimage

beautifully said. 💜

original

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Video description: A TikTok that starts with an on-the-street interviewer, which is then stitched by a Black man standing in his yard with grilling stuff behind him. He has short natural hair, glasses, and is wearing a dinosaur button up. Username @/sciencewithtyus

Subtitle transcript (thank you @ace-bard3-paladin1):

Woman: Do you have any advice for straight men?

Man: Hi ace man here. I actually do have some advice for straight men -- don't mind me I'm just outside, I'm getting the grill warmed up -- But yeah I have some things I think I can contribute to this conversation.

Now, you might be wondering to yourself "what could an ace person possibly contribute to this conversation?" But in a similar way in which women understand the patriarchy in the way they're subjugated under it more than men do, in the way that Black people understand whiteness more than white people can perceive it as a construct and how it's been manipulated in a way to impose forms of power on a systematic level, ace people often have to unpack and disentange the way that what desire and sex means in society -- and the way that often it can be compulsory in a way that it is assumed that we're all supposed to participate in it. So that's really important to think about what we're going forward in this conversation.

I first want to say that I think it's unfortunate because I feel like a lot of men have been sold this lie through western media -- television and even some forms of even literature -- that the quality of men's lives are not of any value -- of any substance -- unless it's on the condition of having some sort of romantic partner, or an individual of like, of substantial attractiveness. Which I feel like actually hurts a lot of people in the long term.

I find one of the major problems with advice that is given to straight men -- and many other men around the world -- is that it's given under the expectation that it will accumulate or accrue some form of social capital, and I find that that's incredibly dangerous for a lot of people out there, when it comes to this idea that you should do something only because it's advantageous -- but rather than the fact that you enjoy doing it.

You hear a lot of guys in, like, men's advice columns or podcasting "women love guys that do interesting things" and I'm sure there's definitely a sense of accuracy to that. But here's the question, though: is that like -- do you find that interesting yourself? Do the things that give you joy, and you will attract the people around you in proximity to the things that you share common interest with.

Don't take ceramics because you're trying to find your future partner, take ceramics because you think it'll be an interesting class that you maybe will end up actually enjoying for a long period of your life.

So aside from the basics that I feel generally benefits a lot of men -- like have decent hygiene, decent self maintenance -- you know maybe have a hobby, one or two -- once again it's not a competition, do it because you like it.

There's often one that I feel like is left out in this conversation, and that's like, live a life of substance, live a life for yourself, live for yourself. Not for other people, or in the hope of doing something in an expectation of getting something out [of] it. Do it because you like doing it, and radiate that joy.

I also think, because of the way toxic masculinity is internalized in a lot of straight men, in the way I think loneliness plagues a lot of men, you have a lot of people out there who restrain themselves from doing things that they would actually enjoy, under the perception of the fact that they are alone, and that something's wrong with them, or that they're lacking in their life. If you wanna do something, do it. Don't be afraid to do it by yourself. You wanna go to that concert? Go by yourself. You wanna take yourself out for dinner? Take yourself out for dinner. Live for yourself!

her pronouns are HE/HIM

#this is what it’s like trying to write fic for us-based fandoms#‘Is that a movie trope or do people actually do that?’ - via ellynneversweet

Dialect differences of interest:

“In hospital” -> Americans say “in the hospital.”

“Motorway” -> highway.

“Crisps” —> “chips” but he knew that haha a lot of this is jokes

“Shite” -> “shit” but I think he knew that, this is clearly jokes

But most tellingly there’s an interesting one:

“Slippy” (“the road was slippy”)

British, Irish, and Australian people have a part of the dialect where describing something, and they make it “verb-y”. Examples are “squirty cream” (aerosol whipped cream), or “wheelie bin” (the big trash can with wheels that you park outside). A viral picture of a door with a sign: “Caution: door is slammy.” Filtered honey that stays stable at room temp is “runny honey.” “Slippy” comes in quite naturally before “slippery.” However, most of the time it’s spontaneous: you apply the verb instantly in the situation and are understood even if it isn’t part of the normal lexicon. Doors are not commonly labelled “slammy” but everyone gets it.

It is only something you really notice when part of the dialect and I don’t really know what it’s called - I’m not a linguist - but it would be called something like “compulsive verb dimunitizing” or something. And Americans don’t do it. An American in this conversation might say “the road was icy/slippery”, but would be more likely to describe the situation: “he went into black ice!” “He took a pothole at 80!”

To Americans, “the road was slippy” in a conversation like this sounds borderline deranged and slightly disrespectful - absolute baby talk, like saying “the road was slippy-wippy and Chad got very silly! Now he’s deady-weady!”

Being American but also raised by gnomes, I personally love it. Let’s make verbs diminutive and use them as adjectives! Yeah! Let’s be little freaks!

Anyway, it’s that kind of thing that gets ya in dialects, and then people GET YOUR ASS

… and this is part of why even though i’m pretty good at internetting in english, I won’t even TRY to write “serious” fiction in it. nope. not a chance. never gonna work.

No no no you SHOULD because

A) language evolves but mostly

B) people love this shit. They go AHOOHOOHOOHOO THAT IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT EH?? AHOHOHO MY DIALECT IS VERY INTERESTING ACTUALLY; And half the time they offer to correct it for you. They love doing this. Do it.

FASCINATING insight into America. You guys wouldn’t say “the road was slippy?”

Oh, we would. But only to a five-year-old.

the thing about the clown is like. its just such a classic tumblr move. idk ive been on this website for 12 years and while i was like AH at the pirate clown on my dash when i logged on this morning, it took about .05 seconds for me to just accept it and then five minutes for my dashboard to instruct me on how to get rid of it. ppl are rly buggin about this website changing things acting like this isnt exactly how the site has ran from its very conception. of course there was a pirate clown on my dashboard this morning

I have a folder called Time is a Flat Circle in which I collect evidence of humanity. Here is most of them.

Okayokayokayokaybut "My hand will wear out but the inscription will remain" is kind of a power line BEFORE you factor in that it is, in fact, over a thousand years old.