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〰its going〰

@troubled-and-enigmatic

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“I don’t even feel sad anymore I’m past that point All I feel is numbness I crave anger, sadness, fucking anything Cause that would mean I was still alive Sometimes I don’t think I am Sometimes I don’t want to be”
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when lizzo said “self love is survival” and when hannah gadsby said “do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? it’s not humility. it’s humiliation” and when mitski said “i used to rebel by destroying myself, but realized that’s awfully convenient to the world. for some of us our best revolt is self preservation”

when audre lorde said “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”

when Jenny Slate tweeted, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”

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mindflamer

when i was depressed those “reasons not to kill yourself” lists never helped.. maybe they do for some people but for me they actually made me feel worse. it was like….here’s a reminder that there are all these things other people find joy in that you can’t. with a sprinkle of guilt because “your family/friends will miss you.”

what i needed to hear, and so what i’ll tell any of you reading this who are in the same situation, was: a lot of people recover from mental illness and go on to live full lives. it’s quite likely that with treatment, a time will come when you won’t want to die anymore and you’ll find joy in everyday life. yes, you. stay alive for that possibility.