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perrfectly
“Being with the wrong person is lonelier than being on your own. Or it’s as lonely, in a different way”

— Mhairi McFarlane, You Had Me At Hello  (via perrfectly)

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yourbbunny

After how many years, I saw you again walking the same street where we first met. You still have that boyish aura, that mischievous grin and your eyes never fails to light up whenever you smile. The same smile that made my heart flutter. The same smiling eyes that took my breath away.

I wanted to run towards where you are. Say hi, probably. I don’t know. I just want to be near you again. I’m crazy like that. It’s been years since the last time, and I still act like a moth attracted to flames.

It only took me 3 seconds.

3

I called out your name.

2

You looked around.

1

I swore I saw you look my way. But.. I guess you were looking right past me. I saw you, but you didn’t seem to recognize me. Instead you were looking at someone behind me. I didn’t dare to look back. I looked at your face.

You used to look at me like that.

Do you remember?

All it took was 3 seconds to break my heart again.

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I don't see how you could fall asleep knowing I might not wake up in the morning.

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waadtariq
“all i need is e v e r y t h i n g on the tip of my tongue but everything is temporary and nothing lasts forever.”

so i cover my mouth and swallow on nothing | wt.

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“some days I feel like I’ve only kissed loneliness with the weights echoing parables of potential, you keep me in bruises I wear to my knees, yet we still chart the stars like we know how to leave here without becoming the icicles sinking past your eyes - I wanted to feel everything, but not all at once - if I’m being honest? I just want to believe in happiness again”

— and maybe that’s why you don’t dream enough

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mymessyink
I have been so numb, so dark, so messed up, so crazy. Nothing about my body ever felt right until I was laying in your arms and nothing has ever felt as easy as loving you. I’ve always been too loud or too quiet, too big or too small, too confident or too insecure. I was always too much of something, until you. You are my equilibrium.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
“I never expected it to be you,” she whispered, allowing her fingers to gently trace circular patterns along the counter. He stared at her, confused. “What do you mean?” “I never thought you’d be the one to break me. I knew you could be an asshole to your friends and to your brothers, but you were always so nice to me. You always told me you missed me and that I was beautiful. You could make me laugh and held me when I had a bad day. You cared about me.” She sighed and forced her eyes to hold steady on his face. “What are you talking about? I still care about you.” His fingers reached across the counter, trying to grasp her hand. “No. Don’t. I can’t keep doing this. You lied to me.” “I have not!!” He yelled, drawing the attention of nearby patrons. “Yes you have!” She cut him off. “You told me you only wanted me when you were hooking up with random girls on the side. You told me that I mattered to you. You told me you cared. You cannot look someone in the eye and break them like that if you love them. You lied to me. You never loved me, and I can’t believe I was so stupid to have never even seen it coming. I care about you. I used to think I always would, but I can’t anymore. I can’t keep loving you.“ She stood abruptly and rushed to the door, head held high. She may be breaking, but she’d never let him see it.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
So you just found the sweatshirt she used to wear, and you swear you can hear her laughter down the hall. Your fingers trace the slightly worn sleeve. You remember the first time she ever wore it. Somehow, seeing her in it made her look prettier. She didn’t have makeup on or fancy clothes. She was just herself. Now looking at it, tattered and worn, makes you feel sick. It smells like her. You can’t believe it still smells like her, and all you can think is how you ruined it. You let her go because you thought there was better out there. Someone who didn’t nag as much. Someone who wasn’t as clingy or maybe someone who could love you more deeply. But you’re sitting on the bed, holding the sweatshirt between your clammy palms, and you can’t help but realize, she was the one. She was the one, but you ruined it. You thought you could find better and instead got a broken heart and an old sweatshirt. And the worst part is that there’s no one to blame but yourself.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
I haven’t seen you in months, but every time I walk outside, I’m terrified. I feel nerves buzz in the palms of my hands and a tingling shivers down my spine. I’m worried that when I see you I will forget how to breathe or my legs will stop working properly. You’ll send my body into shock. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be constantly scanning the crowd for the familiar spike of hair or the leather jacket you insisted made you look cool? I feel the weight of the possibility of your presence every time I walk outside. I haven’t seen you in months, and I don’t know whether I want that to change or not.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
I’m not saying he was perfect.  He was far from it in fact, but he was something that I couldn’t resist. We never dated, though at times I wish we would’ve. At the beginning, I wasn’t trying to let him in.  I didn’t want to, but somewhere along the line, I fell for him. Hard. Then, he left. Like it was nothing. Like we were nothing. Like I was nothing. I don’t necessarily think I was in love with him, but oh, I could’ve been. I really really could’ve been.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
I am tired of being ashamed of my body. I feel like my arms are as thick as tree trunks, and when I look at my stomach, I see unwanted rolling hills. I am so exhausted, constantly pinching and pulling at my body. Fat shouldn’t be the characterizing factor of a human being. Kindness should be. I want to be someone with a good heart. Intelligence should be. I want to inspire people with my thirst for knowledge. Love should be. Because what is life without love? Nothing. So if I am fat but I’m kind, intelligent, and loving, is that really so bad? There is so much more to humans than their physicality. Remember that being a good person is so much more important than forcing your body to conform to societal standards. Beauty is internal. And you are so beautiful.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
I would love to know what he thinks of me now. Does he say that we were something great, but it just didn’t work out? Or something, maybe, more poetic like: we were a star, shining bright, but like all others, we were doomed to collapse in on ourselves. Probably not. He never did enjoy poetry much. Maybe he says that I was a mistake. Maybe that I was a hookup that never meant anything. Maybe I was just another name in a long list of girls that he could’ve loved. Or worst yet, maybe he never speaks of me at all.

Excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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mymessyink
I want to make him breakfast on Saturday mornings. I’ll wake him up with kisses, Spongebob, and cinnamon rolls. I want to sing with him in the car. I want to dance together in the morning light and have pillow fights. I want to grocery shop with him. I’d run down the aisle with the cart, him laughing at my childish antics. I want to roll over in the middle of the night and nuzzle into his neck. I want Christmas traditions, baking cookies and decorating the tree. I want to hold his hand in the park. I want to go to bars together. I want to go to the zoo, the aquarium, concerts. I want to play basketball with him, and of course I’d kick his butt (and we’d both pretend he didn’t let me win). I want to laugh with him, kiss him, hold him, have sex with him. I want him.

excerpt from a book I’ll never write (via mymessyink)

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I never would have thought it would be you

To be the one to leave a mark on my heart forever

Although I knew the moment I saw you

You would be the one to change my life forever

I knew I would fall for you, and because of that

I fell apart because of you

Everywhere I go I see you

Even though I know you’re not really there

You were once my lover; my life partner

My one and only; my forever and always

Now you are a stranger

The only thing I am left with is a memory of you

A lesson learned; a story

A dream of the plans we once made

The hope that my future holds something as great as what it once held for you and I

But now I am moving on

Because to hurt like this; for this long

Is not okay anymore

You have had a toxic hold on me

One that I wasn’t able to let go of

But now I am freeing my myself from you

A bad word will never come from my mouth about you

I will only have good words to speak about you

I will always remember the best of you

And the best of what we once had

Because that is what I think of you

You were the one; the one that got away

But now it is time

To take in every second of this thing called life

To be the better version of myself

To live for today; not yesterday

Because I love you; I am letting go

~nostalgicwriting