Woman murders man in broad daylight
trilliath reblogged
Yesterday our DM told me that my warlock can keep his skeleton minions in his bag of holding 💀
There is a lot to unpack on this post.
trilliath reblogged
I have a new theory which has resulted from me writing porn on my phone which im certain is old hat to everyone but is new to me
it kinda goes like this
basically, as a person or community writes a kinky story for longer, they will kind of inevitably move up a chain of 'paradigms of justification' required to make the kink continue to make sense.
the pace will vary depending on the kink, but motion is inevitable.
---
so say you decide to write some rope bondage kink. as you continue to write, you are likely to progress through the stages as follows:
- Stage 0 - Baseline: i am writing A tying up B, because i want to, A wants to, and B is into it (or isn't, depending on what kinda freak you are). Regular fic goes here.
- Stage 1 - Psychological: Why is does A like tying up B? Why does B like being tied up? Normal character stuff. Not yet weird. You're still normal. If you mom found out you were writing this, she'd probably still love you.
- Stage 2 - Logistical: How does A afford all those rope? Why hasn't B's hands fallen off from lack of circulation? Getting odd you'd write about this, but fair enough, real kinksters deal with this. You just like to pay attention to details.
- Stage 3 - Sociological: You have written the kink long enough that you need it to be normalized in-universe in order to push the envelope. You need a Federal Department of Kinky Shit Why has nobody called the cops when B goes missing for three days due to the suspension bondage setup you researched for two hours last night? Did you just invent a law so its okay for A to tie up the pizza delivery guy? Why is it not a violation of the labour code that B spends all her time literally tied to her desk? This is where the descent into madness begins. You have total freedom now to introduce new characters, but they will probably end up being A-like and B-like because that's your kink and why you started writing in the first place. People laugh when they see the premise, but keep reading.
- Stage 4 - Biological: Oh, now you fucked up. See, eventually, you're going to start wondering why the world is filled with people like A and B. You're going to need to answer definitively why B didn't fucking die when you accidentally wrote a poorly conceived stress position in chapter 2. You gotta answer why there's only like 1 A for every 10 Bs. You realize with horror you accidentally implied that shibari harnesses is literally a biological requirement for human reproduction. It's over for you. This is ABO with extra steps. Get thee to a nunnery.
- Stage 5 - Synthesis: "Oh fuck, it all makes sense now." Terminal brain stoppage. Death would be a mercy. ---
The thing is, once you have progressed through these stages, you are going to skip ahead in future stories because, let's face it, its incredibly convenient to have these structures laid out for you. If you've gotten to Stage 3 in a previous fic and then start a new one, well, you could fuck around justifying what's going on, or you could simply bring back the Federal Department of Kinky Shit and jump straight to the silk cord. It's efficient and we're all busy people.
I ended up following this trajectory with my first set of Porn On Phone stories pretty closely:
- Hot lady am sexy kidnaps!
- But why am hot lady sexy kidnap?
- How am hot lady afford lavish lifestyle for sexy kidnapee?
- Why am nobody arrest hot lady for sexy kidnap?
- am reason related to why am no men in stories?
- characters am now exclaim 'judith christ!' when stub toe.
Terminal. Put me down like the dog I am.
But the dark realization I had, right about now, is that all the normie fics out there, all the boring straight stuff?
... yeah they're already at Stage 5. The straights are living at stage 5, patriarchy is their Federal Department of Kinky Shit, they believe in alphas and omegas already.
So, put that way, it's actually totally normal and okay to do this progression, right? Like, it's subversive. This is feminist! This is feminist! I scream, as I'm dragged into the van and driven down to the river to be drowned like an unwanted kitten. I'm the normal one! You're all mad!
anyway i started writing a star trek porn parody in an attempt to write 'normal' porn again, hit stage five within 3000 words, had a mental breakdown, and came here to write this.
trilliath reblogged
"wahhhh they made the brotherhood of steel a cult and abusive wahhhh" my brother in Christ. Have you played the games
#They're techbro fash cultist and always have been#but also the stories are designed to draw you in#to give you doubts#and then ultimately conclude / reaffirm that the authoritarianism is bad no matter your intentions#that some people miss the point is just good evidence of how easy it is to get sucked into that kind of ideology
trilliath reblogged
My favourite recruitment is in Dragon Age, actually. Zev fails to kill you and languishes artfully on the ground as he tells Warden he’s too sexy to die and the Warden agrees. No other meet cute compares.
trilliath reblogged
Ouh! Ouh! Ouh!
trilliath reblogged
only-tiktoks
trilliath reblogged
a very quick poem i just wrote, made from excerpts of texts my mum has sent me this year.
HELLO???
trilliath reblogged
That’s it, the Professor is truly the King of Sass
The letter didn’t come from the Nazi party, but from the publishing house which had expressed an interest in the German translation of The Hobbit. Tolkien’s response really is a thing of beauty, though, so it deserves to be quoted in its entirety:
25 July 1938 20 Northmoor Road, Oxford
Dear Sirs,
Thank you for your letter. … I regret that I am not clear as to what you intend by arisch. I am not of Aryan extraction: that is Indo-iranian; as far as I am aware none of my ancestors spoke Hindustani, Persian, Gypsy, or any related dialects. But if I am to understand that you are enquiring whether I am of Jewish origin, I can only reply that I regret that I appear to have no ancestors of that gifted people. My great-great-grandfather came to England in the eighteenth century from Germany: the main part of my descent is therefore purely English, and I am an English subject - which should be sufficient. I have been accustomed, nonetheless, to regard my German name with pride, and continued to do so throughout the period of the late regrettable war, in which I served in the English army. I cannot, however, forbear to comment that if impertinent and irrelevant inquiries of this sort are to become the rule in matters of literature, then the time is not far distant when a German name will no longer be a source of pride.
Your enquiry is doubtless made in order to comply with the laws of your own country, but that this should be held to apply to the subjects of another state would be improper, even if it had (as it has not) any bearings whatsoever on the merits of my work or its suitability for publication, of which you appear to have satisfied yourselves without reference to my Abstammung.
I trust you will find this reply satisfactory, and remain yours faithfully
J.R.R. Tolkien.
(Letter 30)
The Hobbit wasn’t published in German until 1957.
This might just be the politest “fuck you” ever written.
W.h.a.t.
Not just “I wish I had Jewish ancestors, but I don’t,” but also “you do realize that’s not what ‘Aryan’ actually means, right,” and “you guys are making it pretty hard to be proud of my German heritage.”
Nazis: Are you Aryan?
Noted linguistics freak Tolkien: Are you?
trilliath reblogged
Anonymous asked:
*multiplies you by 1*
Ach im the exact same but a process has occurred
I'm thinking about this post and i have decided that it is one of those things that is a poem in some undefinable way
trilliath reblogged
she got those Tom Lehrer vibes
So there's a reoccurring craving that I have, when I'm tired after a work day and there's this crystal clear sensation that what sounds good to me is a perfect fresh-baked cookie - and it's a strong-enough craving that if I weren't already tired I'd probably bake or even leave my comfy house go buy one or something, and heck, I might even work myself up into bothering to do it if I'm not having a bad body or bad brain day other than just being tired... but probably not, I just mostly sit there and pine a little bit until I assuage the craving with much less satisfying but adequate alternatives.
But now each time I end up with the longing for a fresh warm cookie... I also remember how years ago one time I had this craving I wrote a tumblr post where I wished idly that there was a home appliance I could buy that would bake me a fresh cookie with 0 effort on my part past pushing a button or whatever. And on that post, some middleaged dude decided to completely misunderstand the point of my post and mansplain to me in a long rant that as an engineer he knew such a robot would be ridiculous and could never (?) happen because didn't I know that cooking from scratch is far too expensive (???) and I should really just go get a subway (??????) cookie instead.
And it makes me laugh.
#like it's even funnier given that I know there are literally appliances like that#for other kinds of foods#hell i have a pasta maker now that is about as low effort as you can get to have fresh pasta#but jesus fuck that dude had no concept of the fact that you can make food yourself for pennies on the dollar#compared to the cost of restaurant products#or that getting dressed and driving in the dark to some other place after a long workday just to get 1 probably not fresh cookie#also didn't really solve the problem in any real way
trilliath reblogged
the best song ever made? Well, in 1980 a coked-out Italian producer and a vapid New York society girl made a song about being a mindless hole, for a movie about a male prostitute who gets framed for murder. A few years later Disney approached a novelty musician from the late 50s about making modern music sound like it was sung by cartoon chipmunks for an upcoming piece of direct-to-video shovelware. Then in 2015 someone slowed the cartoon chipmunk cover of the male prostitute song down so the vocals sound normal but it's the instruments that sound fucked up
if I'm lyin I'm dyin
trilliath reblogged
💸👑 Now presenting: the trailer for Dropout's newest show Thousandaires.
Thousandaires answers an important question: how would you spend $1,000 with your friends? From emo makeovers to cottagecore strippers, Dropout cast will experience each other's dreams together.
Hosts Jacquis Neal, Jess Ross, Oscar Montoya, Ryan Creamer, Erika Ishii, and Siobhan Thompson, alongside an all-star cast of comedians, one-up their friendships with each other in this series premiering May 31st on Dropout.
Featuring guests: Danielle Radford, Persephone Valentine, Amy Vorpahl, Ify Nwadiwe, Tao Yang, Lily Du, Jacob Wysocki, Jiavani, Kimia Behpoornia, Lisa Gilroy, Matt Apodaca, Rashawn Scott, Ruha Taslimi, Patrick McDonald, Mike Trapp, Becca Scott, Carolyn Page, Sam Reich, Raphael Chestang, Katie Marovitch, Grant O'Brien, Oscar Montoya, Paul Robalino, and Ele Wood!
trilliath reblogged
“The rule is whatever I say it is.”
Aabria, please. We all already know you’re hot af.
i did yardwork before practicing piano and oh my god my pedal technique was so shit i was too tired lol.