my dad always sneezes at least twice in a row and i think i inherited the same volume of sneeze condensed into one because im firing shotgun blasts out of my nostrils. one time i asked my doctor if i should be concerned that sometimes i sneeze so hard that my left arm goes numb and she left the room for 5 minutes before coming back like
the real life version of being doomed by the narrative is knowing you have work in the morning
the irl version of being stuck in the timeloop is also going to work
church bells have been ringing for like an hour
yes we get it the twat is king now can you shut the fuck up and let me hate the monarchy in peace
posted a banger tweet and thought that tumblr deserved to see it too
i think that every day after work big man goes home to an even bigger man
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
splatoon heritage post
this image has done so much for my perception of myself it isnt even funny

a new contender
I love taking the bus with my little mug of hot tea. crossing my legs like a gayboy who takes the bus. making uncomfortable eye contact with every skinny fruit with a nose piercing. On the bus
Canada
[EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]
*runs straight into this post like a bird into a window*
oh the notes bubble is disgusting. get that out of my sight
yuck. euggh. bleughf
i think dirk would be scared of insects because he has probably never been around many in his life meanwhile dave is the type to pick up bugs and let them crawl around on his arms
help this made me laugh so hard i almost started choking
you're absolutely right and i agree with this 100%. look at his bug eyes
mentally ill lgbt fat hairy man call that a bi polar bear. does anyone know where the nearest hospital is
top surgery tip 1)
get yourself used to sleeping on your back (and possibly elevated depending on your surgeon) BEFORE surgery.
top surgery tip 2)
have cough drops on hand because your throat will probably be sore from the breathing tube they use with anesthesia.
Top surgery tip 3)
Get and use straws. You'll have T-Rex arms for a while but you still need to hydrate.
top surgery tip 4)
the post surgery compression binder is more comfortable than youd think but it still gets pretty itchy. so dont be afraid to take benydryl, itll help you rest and stop the itch
top surgery tip 5)
sounds weird but try not to flex your pecs… watched a horror game play through and every time there was a jump scare my whole body tensed up including my pecs which hurt like a bitch
Top surgery tip 6)
Have hand sanitizer/ body wipes incase you cannot reach across sinks easily and to also put under your armpits if you cannot get deodorant there
top surgery tip 7)
you might be numb in some areas affected by the surgery. especially if your surgeon does any liposuction along with just cutting your boobs off. right now my armpits are numb which makes cleaning them weird. less of a tip and more its normal for early in recovery
top surgery tip 8)
about a week in stuff starts to feel like pins and needles. i thought that meant my one nipple was falling off. turns out its the opposite and its them coming back to life. the post op compression binder while annoying does help the tingling feel less weird
top surgery tip 9)
you surgeon may be ripped to hell and back like mine and put the compression binder on super tight. ITS OK TO LOOSEN IT A LITTLE.
its there for compression to keep the swelling down but same rules apply as a regular binder: it might be a little uncomfortable and feel tight but you need to still be able to BREATHE
top surgery tip 10)
invest in a long pair of tongs or one of those claw grabber things. i just made ramen that was in a cabinet above the microwave. how? tippy toes and tongs.
top surgery tip 11)
you might feel something like lightning zaps in your chest after - it's totally normal and just your nerves reconnecting
top surgery tip 12)
those silicone strips are not reusable
well i mean technically theyre supposed to be but theyre a pain in the ass to actually reuse. when i do actually try to wash them off and let them dry they stop being sticky
all that to say you might want to save more money than you think for those strips
top surgery tip 13)
so apparently theres silicone scar spray. i grabbed it for my nipples
Stars on the street
Fusili on the grass






