tw// your average run of the mill mental illnesses lol (but with detail pls be careful)
my anxiety and shits been so bad i hate it. it’s not even like triggered i’m just chilling and it will spike for no reason.
the number one thought i’ve had lately is “i’m gonna kms”
and i’m well on my way to a fucking eating disorder woohoo
which in turn is fucking with my sleep. i legit went to bed at 1am woke up at 5:30 am, and then couldn’t sleep until 3:15am the next day.
i haven’t rly been depressed though 🤪 i think my brain is too caught up in the clusterfuck of the other shit going on to really be depressed
BUT i’ve had this like constant layer of fog in my brain and a on and off migraine that is either rly minimal and seems to hardly be a headache, or it’s so bad i don’t trust myself to drive. it’s hard to focus on anything be it public, entertainment, or school and i’m just rly demotivated!!! my job fucking sucks as much as i love my bosses my coworkers make it insufferable so i’m gonna get my one year there, sort my school shit out, quit that job and go work at like starbucks or smtn idfk.
back to the EDsheeran thing, my brain is legitimately so fucked up rn i didn’t realize 1,200 calories isn’t the normal amount (that’s what an app i use recommends for a restriction number to me so that i lose weight). which in turn fucked me up bc i thought i wasn’t restricting and felt guilty for eating like 700~ calories one day. i mean i googled it and realized the normal amount is 2000 but like holy shit??? even now i till feel guilty for eating like 1400 cals i hate it but i’m also not mad bc i want to lose weight and it’s just so conflicting.
if you read this, kudos to you. i just rly needed to rant and i didn’t know where to go.
i hope i didn’t trigger you. if i did i thoroughly apologize and recommend you either a) research measures against relapsing for whatever triggered you or maybe go watch animal videos as a good distraction.
