I hate the "Oh ur posting without tags? how is anyone supposed to find ur post🥺" warning shit tumblr does now. the hand of god will deliver me unto others
y'all know I went back in the closet like... 3 years ago at this point and it's been rocky and confusing and I've been enjoying playing around with gender and presentation a little more loosely since I'm not thinking about if I'm passing well enough or not. I truly do miss like. authenticity tho and I think I'll come back around at another point in my life.
my favorite coworker gave me the ick today and im so upset like I'm having such a bad week with cishet men 😭😭😭 idk what issss idk if I'm presenting differently in any way or what but I know I have to shave the sides of my head soon anyways but like... bleh the mean time sucks. ((sidenote: used to purposefully make myself ugly to avoid these issues and while I'm having fun being hot this kind of sucks. like in general. my coworker isn't objectifying me))
#mine#having episodes of hypersexuality in mania that i dont fully remember is uhhh scary now#I DO NOT REMEMBER EVERYTHING IVE DONE OH NO#TAGS NOT ABOUT MY COWORKERRRRR#about the people texting me weird shit#idk why theyre so attached and i think it has to do with manic-Rats actions#theres a feeling you get working with two men significantly older than you#and you just keep telling youself its like working with an older brother and a father figure#but it's really not#theres an air of power and i dunno.#i felt like prey#even tho they respected me as an equal and i was actually higher on the food chain than one of them#but still... bending down to grab stuff outta the deli cooler felt like... scary 🥺#i dont think they were predatory i think they were just older men and im just an abused person who gets skittish#but who actually knows#i dont know one of em too well idk his vibe
regarding the röttgen pietà, elle emerson
[ID: poem text reading,
"No one is watching. So why does it have to be beautiful? You, in pain, are no closer to god than You, in the drive thru or You, checking your email or You, holding your own hand."
/end ID]
i might actually have to come home from work early today because of how badly plan B had fucked up my body (the heaviest bleeding I've had in yrs, cramping, fatigue, headaches, etc) and all the men im "talking" to are aware of my situation to a certain degree, trying to use healthy communication rather than avoidance or whatever, and they STILL are trying to fuck or get nudes or whatever and I wanna know what goes through their stupid little pea brains that makes them think it's okay.
Like I sure do know how to pick 'em, I really scraped the bottom of the barrel while I was manic 👀 at least FB is respectful and also guilt trips himself?? but he also still tried it and then regretted asking sooo dumb fuck.
I dunno. it's a point of Me having a lack of self respect because I still fuck around with these men because they give me silly little brain chemicals and compliments But also knowing they're douchebags who only see me as a warm body... maybe not FB necessarily but still he's close to it
#mine#as a bisexual i feel like its some sort of self destructive thing im not talking to any women rn#but also i only talked to women for the first 20 yrs of my life of however long i was talking to ppl#soooo#im high at 6am before work waiting to shower for the cramps to subside#and also i don't wanna stand up cuz i know what will happen
have never consumed media in my life i like to self flagellate on top of mountains and i pray to the angels in the concrete architecture
teleportinggg
sorry for rebloggging so many pictures its just that i like these pictures
alone in my room disease. incurable. will be alone forever and ever.
things on my Mentally Ill full size bed that just make sense!
- approximately 20 medication bottles, both empty and full (actually more, it just sounds like I'm lying if I say the real amount)
- the mountain of gas station snacks
- a box of pregnancy tests
- a pile of burnt vapes
- my purse
- a laptop
- three jars of weed
- emotional support water bottle
- a handful of art supplies
#i took a photo of it because jfc this is a problem#mine#I WISH IT WAS A JOKE#IVE BEEN SLEEPING HERE#i have less than a twin bed amount of space#btw i have A TWIN BED AND A FUTON IN MY ROOM TOO BOTH ARE COVERED IN TRASH AS WELL#i have severe mental disorders#👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🤷🏻#no one make fun of me im sad enough of as is#im bullying myself and also putting actual effort into cleaning#and visible effort! wahoo!
Anonymous asked:
On the flip side barbie is heavily involved in my trauma history to the point i write zines and essays examining her character and meaning and I didn’t think the movie went anywhere near hard enough
THERE WAS NOT ENOUGH PINK
honestly love Barbie as a concept and have a massive fascination with dolls in general so massive respect for that and lmk if you post your zines on Tumblr so I can rb to my main!! sometimes I rb MH doll fanart there too.
Yeah Barbie is very complex and Mousie said that the movie was very deep and personal to her so I guess there's like a lot of takes on it 🤷🏻
lowkey I wanna hear more about what you have to say. send me your essay on how the Barbie movie could've been better because I know it could've been.
Sidenote for my own followers. also I made that last post on the toilet half asleep so it's really not meant to get off my blog anyways. I thought I didn't own B*rbies at all but apparently I DID and they just got completely destroyed and their heads and legs ripped off and their hair chopped. Yes this can be normal behavior, when the child isn't also being horribly abused at the same time 😭😭😭 omg why did no one noticeeeee. AND my m*nster h*gh dolls were in an extreme bdsm lesbian sex cult. i stg that's not normal child behavior I really don't think 5 year olds are into violent sex cults bro
my Bratz dolls were fine tho, they just hung out and gossiped