Mammal Haiku Master

It is wild what kind of shit people will report to you in a security uniform. "Hey, that guy in the wheelchair? He doesn't need it, he was walking outside earlier" like ??? Okay?? First off you don't know his medical status, second what the fuck am I supposed to do with that information? Take it away from him?? It's still his fucking wheelchair, he brought it from home

like I don't have any physical disabilities that I'm aware of so stop me if I'm not in my lane but I feel like even if a dude is fully able-bodied, if he owns a mobility aid and he wants to use it then unless he's swinging it around wracking toddlers with it then it's really none of my damn business

Also?? "Hey there's a junkie in the bathroom" ??? First off I saw them go in and I know for a fact that person has cerebral palsy, and also, are they actively using drugs?? Are they in medical distress?? No?? Then let them piss oh my God would you rather they shit on the street

and actually, another thing, because fuck it, but did you know?? "Security" means "safety"?? If nobody is using drugs inside the building and nobody is hurt or being hurt or bothering anyone or fucking in the lobby ar yodeling into the intercom or fucking, I don't know, supergluing the toilet seats up and running off with the furniture, then what precisely are you expecting me to do about it? I'm not not the goddamn Social Norm Enforcer. If you're wearing clothes and leaving people alone and you aren't stroking out or freebasing coke with your non-service animal then I honestly do not give a fuck. "There's a man in a dress in the women's room" Okay and are they watching you poop? "I don't think that's a real service dog" is it humping someone? "That girl smells like weed can you get her out of here" Weed's been legal for like five years get with the goddamn program. She probably works here. Do what you came here for and go hoooooome

“social norm enforcer” is exactly what is expected

From The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild - Creating a Champion art book

Something LGBT is happening here

Then it's a charge shot

Bocchi the Rock! fangame that opens with Kikuri Hiroi waking up alone and apocalyptically hung over in a trashed hotel suite with no memory of the preceding 72 hours. There are at least three separate ways to game over without ever leaving the starting room, one of which involves trying to retrieve your bra from the ceiling fan, flubbing the skill check, and dying instantly.

Wow everyone is going through it. Hold my hand

reblog to hold the hand of the person you reblogged from

My boyfriend was on the phone with his dad yesterday so I went out to sit on the patio to pet the geese and play on my phone for a bit, and while out there I came across a comic of baby Grimace (yes, that Grimace) being sad because everyone hated his milkshake and saying he wished he never had a birthday. Then there was a follow up where tons of people had commented saying they loved the shake and wished Grimace a happy birthday, and that made him happy again.

This, for whatever reason, emotionally devastated me. I was sobbing. I was ugly crying so bad that even the geese waddled away side-eyeing me.

After a while my bf yelled from inside, "Okay, you ready for dinner?" and I was forced to accept I had to go back in the house a defeated sniffly little wreck.

My boyfriend, who has only ever seen me cry once in the whole year we've been together, looked horrorstruck. He assumed the worst. Someone got hurt. Something was wrong with my family. Someone was mean to me (a cardinal sin). The panic that washed over his face was unparalleled.

He, upon seeing me, (somewhat theatrically) rushed over and grabbed me by the shoulders. "What's wrong, what happened? Are you okay?" he asked, frantic. "What is it?"

I realized how ridiculous the whole situation was and just shook my head.

He was growing more panicked. "What is it? Why are you crying?"

I then had to stand there and look him, this completely normal human being, in the eyes, and blurt out "Grimace"

Confused silence followed.

"....Grimace?"

I nodded.

"...The McDonalds guy...thing?"

I nodded.

"What...what did...Grimace...do to you?"

I then tearfully recounted the silly internet comic that had absolutely broken my heart. And this poor guy--this poor, wonderfully sweet, nice, patient guy--kindly stood there trying to figure out how to comfort me that Grimace was not, in fact, sad. (Nevermind that he's a corporate mascot who isn't real)

This morning my phone rang just after 5am. It was my boyfriend. It was my turn to panic, to assume the worst.

I didn't even have time to say hello before he started excitedly yelling, "Look at the TikTok I just sent you! Look! Open it!"

Confused and not entirely convinced I wasn't still asleep, I opened the TikTok.

An official release from McDonalds confirming Grimace (who still isn't real) did, in fact, feel special on his birthday.

also while we were in the car headed to dinner I remembered the little panel of Grimace crying and I got all teary eyed again, and my boyfriend looked over and, with all the genuine care, compassion, and sympathy this guy could muster, legitimately asked, “Are you having Grimace thoughts again?” which I don’t think I’ll ever let myself live down

its adventurin’ time

why are you calling him green shrek?? shrek is already green??

No one is regular, everyone is extraordinary

Fixed

i think there should be a game of entirely cutscenes and no gameplay besides hitting a button to advance to the next cutscene. just to make Gamers mad.

Those are called "visual novels". They're arguably one of the most popular game genres.

Pipe expanding machine

“You have to understand that this is a very difficult situation you’ve put us in,” said the king.

There was no change in expression in the metal face, but the glass eyes glittered in a way that he had learned to associate with trouble.

“Oh dear,” it said. Its voice had an edge of brass to it, and sounded as though a trumpet had learned how to speak. “I never realized how difficult this would be. For you.”

And that was another thing – it wasn’t just intelligence that the things had picked up. They also developed a knack for sarcasm. He worried a bit about that.

He tried to pull himself together. “You have to understand that we cannot recognize the Steel Children–”

“Mechanomorphs,” said a voice to his right.

He closed his eyes and breathed a little sigh of despair.

“Artificer,” he said. “This is hardly the time.”

“We agreed that Mechanomorph is an accurate and sensible name,” said the chief artificer, crossing her arms.

“Yes, but the historian had a fit because he wanted something more romantic. The Steel Children was a happy compromise.”

“Funny how nobody asked us what we think,” said the trumpet voice.

He felt his migraine coming back again.

“You have to understand that we cannot recognize – yes, artificer, the Mechanomorphs – as alive at this time.”

“You’ve said,” it said. “And I must be very stupid, because I don’t understand.”

The king sighed. Well, there was nothing for it. It was an answer that nobody liked because it involved magic, but it was the truth.

“The Mechanomorphs are our key asset in our war against the necromancer,” he said. “It’d be daft to send human soldiers. They’d be turned into skeletons and zombies and ghosts and gods know what else.

“And the reason he can’t do that with the Mechanomorphs,” he said, “is because you aren’t – legally – alive.”

There was a long pause. Gears clicked madly in the metal head.

Then: “That can’t possibly be right.”

reading a book about the great depression and it starts with a prologue discussing the gay cynicism of the roaring twenties. and you know what. a century later and the youth are still engaging in gay cynicism

"Are you more artistic or scientific" science is art and art is science bitch

"this! im both artistic and scientific" no shut the FUCK up you don't get it

There is no difference. None. Science and art are both fueled by passion and romance. They are cycles of understanding, intimacy, and expression that have no beginning or end, that sustain one another in a wheel. Without artistic passion there would be no science. Without scientific understanding there would be no art. They are the exact same wonder and amazement with the world around us expressed through different yet interdependent media.

Next person to reply to this like "op is right BUT they are different in this pedantic way" get blown up

what about business majors?

kill on sight

YOU WOULDN'T KILL MY OC HARPER HUANG....... HE MAJORED IN BUSINESS AND OWNS A LIL CAFE 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I would curb stomp your OC in front of his gay little cafe for what he did

fun fact! did you know that you can gain extra ‘forbidden time’ by staying up late in the night? but Watch Out

I JUST LOVE THE FACT THAT THE SUBMARINE HAS A MANUAL WINDOW CRANK

Back-forming verbs from surnames based on obsolete professions is always fun. Like, the surname "Shrudler" is ultimately derived from the Middle English shriden, "to ornament or decorate (clothing)", which implies that if the term hadn't fallen out of use, the modern word for making clothing fancy would be "to shrudle". I enjoy that very much.

Or it might not pass into modern English that directly; the connotations of words often drift over time. Shriden might have retained its sense of ornamenting or decorating one's appearance, but lost the specific connotation of doing so via clothing, so in a world slightly to the left of ours, "shrudling" might describe the act of putting on jewellery.

Great Sky Island