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Translucent Deceptions

@translucentdeceptions

How are you today? Have you had some chocolate lately? You should have some now, perhaps. That stuff is good. I enjoy ladies, explosions, and animals. Also loads of other things, but those are the the first three that came to mind as I wrote this. Oh! I just remembered technology and food. Let's throw those on the list, too: I enjoy ladies, technology, explosions, food, and animals. If I've noticed your blog and it has an ask page, I will ask you questions. If you ask me questions, I'll show my appreciation by answering them promptly and honestly. Occasionally I'll vanish from Tumblr without warning. When this happens, it won't be because I am bored of you guys. Quite the opposite, actually: it'll be because you are all so awesome that I've gotten myself addicted again and so I've had to quit so I could refocus on "important" things like "academics" and "my job" and "sleep". My other blog is here. I very rarely update it nowadays so it's more like 17-year-old Shaun's blog which I can still edit if I feel like it, or if he's made a typo.

You don't think matcha is tea????

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Matcha isn't a Tea in my humble Opinion.

Matcha is an experience.

The year is 2009, the place is the University of Hawai'i at Manoa in Honolulu, and I am recovering from a still-undiagnosed disease that left me with a 100+ degree for over three weeks, extreme weight loss and permanent Brain Damage.  I have signed up for an introductory Art History class because I need an additional Humanities credit.

It's called "The History and Philosophy of the Japanese Tea Ceremony", and for a class I can only sort of remember, it stands out.

Alright

Well, I think that’s it for now, then. This time things actually went pretty well! My mood started to go down, yes, but I recognized it, and did I change things? I dunno, but I’m feeling okay now. I mean, based on my history with this site I’m fairly sure that if I stay longer I’d get all low again eventually, but that’s not where I’m at now so I’ll count that as a win. So yeah, was nice to be back. Even nicer to leave on a fairly good note after the last two or three times here ending so poorly. See y’all again in a couple years or something along those lines, whenever I see something somewhere that’s so good I gotta log back in and reblog. Also it was nice to have a creative outlet for that poem, I know now from where it came: We Lived Happily During the War by Ilya Kaminsky, which I’d read a few times when the Iran thing first happened at the start of the year, and then I guess the idea for the date part of it was just me wanting to write about something I wanted for myself, y’know, write something happy to feel something happy, and then whatever else was there was from all the Discourse I’d been reading on Twitter since I learned how to actually use that site around Christmas and also what I’d read here and what’s been percolating in my brain for a while. But yeah it was nice to have a creative outlet, perhaps I’ll come back sooner than two years if I’ve got something like that to share again; this is a good place for that stuff. But yeah, bye (again) for now, Tumblr.

I had a pretty good day today

Chinese New Year is a fantastic holiday, working from home is wonderful, Lindsay Ellis makes great content and I was a fool for taking until today to subscribe to her channel. I thought after work I’d just stop by a new year’s open house briefly to say hi with my brother on behalf of our family and then nab some snacks and leave, but I sat down in the room with the Younger People while my brother was out with Adults, so he was out discussing Business Things while we talked about University and such. He’s gonna be thirty this year so, makes sense. But yeah had some good conversations. I, uh, don’t remember the names of anyone I met. And I probably won’t see them until next year, probably at the same open house, unless I see them at Christmas perhaps. And that’s if I’m still in Malaysia. But it was a good conversation! Or two good conversations, since the person I was talking to initially had to leave after a while and so I talked with someone else instead. Talking with people is great, I should perhaps get more friends. I used to think playing a few games of chess at the pub with a buddy every Sunday for a couple hours was enough socializing, but since I’ve made friends at work and such I’m thinking talking to people in real life is actually pretty great and something I should do more. But chess at the pub is still fun, I like it still. Sometimes you don’t really wanna talk so much and instead just wanna blunder your queen away ‘cause you were too greedy for a seemingly unguarded pawn. But yeah I had a good time. As I was coming home I was considering I might’ve had too much of a good time and there was a risk that my happiness was approaching the border of the area of mood that leads to mania which means that tomorrow would be a depressive comedown, but it’s been a feel hours and I feel more even so I think I’ll be okay. Definitely need more sleep, though; haven’t been really getting eight hours lately. Good thing my weekend’s starting now.

1) Did you ever watch Sesame Street? 2) Feelings on carpooling? 3) How do you feel about the colour blue? 4) Do you like country music? 5) Do you believe in bigfoot?

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1) Yeah I did, and also the Dutch version, Sesamstraat. Big Bird is blue in Holland.2) I like the friendliness of it and cost-saving aspect, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with being reliant on other people to get to where I wanna go. Having one’s own car is so much more freeing, you don’t have to feel bad for making people wait if you’re late, or be the reason someone else is feeling bad because they have to be late.3) I like it. The more deep and dark it is, the more I like it, I think. It’s calming. If it’s brighter and it’s got a bit of green or sparkle in it, then it’s also kinda refreshing. So yeah I’m a fan of blue.4) Heck yeah. Early Taylor Swift is great, John Denver is great, I enjoy me some Johnny Cash, I heard a Willie Nelson song on the radio in GTA 5 which lives in my playlist to this day, and Woodie Guthrie is a horny antifascist socialist hero.5) Nope, but of all the cryptids, Bigfoot is actually probably one of the ones which would be most scary if it did exist. A creature or group of creatures that skilled at stealth would be extremely intelligent and very unnerving. Also just running into a gorilla would be horrifying, they’re massive. Imagine if one’s upright and also smart enough to stay so hidden for so long. Terrifying.

1) Current favourite genre of movie? 2) Do you like tea? What type? 3) What are your thoughts about mummy's and curses? 4) Favourite childhood cartoon? 5) How do you feel about cold-calling?

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1) Action-comedy, and it’s been action-comedy for a long while now, actually. One of my favourite movies of all time is Shaun of the Dead, which is a zom-rom-com (A romantic comedy with zombies) and so the more boxes that movies tick in that direction, the happier I am.2) I do kinda like tea, but I can’t drink it ‘cause I can’t take caffeine anymore and so I haven’t for, like, five years now. Wow. It’s been a while. So I’ve also been sober (from alcohol) for five years, too. Time flies? Nah, it feels like five years.I like a mint tea, though. That’s the best kind of tea that I tasted when I was still tasting teas.3) I know you don’t mean the most British way to refer to a lady parent but that’s where my mind went at first.Um, I think there’s gotta be something to it. Whether it’s psychological or from ancient bacteria or something, there’s gotta be an explanation for why so many of the original tomb openers had bad shit happen to them. I wouldn’t fuck with the ancient dead; if I found something like that the most I’d do is sell its location to someone else to exploit; I ain’t going in personally to get my hands dirty.So I guess I do believe in some form of curses. Huh. Interesting.4) Dang, I’m blanking on which cartoons I watched in my childhood. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, perhaps? That was fun. Tigger and Rabbit’s interactions were great. I’ve always emphasized with Rabbit. His whole relationship with Cassie was very sweet, I think.5) I’ve been on the other end so I’m usually polite and as long as I’m not busy and it’s not an obvious scam, I usually let them finish their script. This led to one situation where a lady in the UK (or with a fantastically convincing British accent) spent almost an hour all told trying to get me to sign up for a stock/investment platform. We even scheduled a call because my first time speaking with her was when I was kinda busy so she called me back a few days later. I think that operation was legit and it was certainly making money for someone, but I wasn’t rich enough to wanna risk anything on it, and it sounded like a bit of hassle still in the end so I gave it a pass. She was very nice about it.

At The Cafe

At the cafe They met. He was kind And she was fun. They talked And laughed And shared And felt That everything Was alright. Across the world People died. Across the country Injustices raged. Across the state Poverty deprived The most vulnerable And deserving Of their odds To a better life. Across the city Empty homes Accrued value While the destitute Roamed the streets On their way To whichever slab Or bench Or underpass Would have them For the night. But in the cafe He was kind And she was fun And everything Seemed Alright.

Scrolling through the YouTube comments is a wild experience because between all the low-effort "who's listening in 2020" type stuff and the genuinely funny jokes and memes you'll sometimes find people telling honest heartwrenching stories about how the song reminds them of those they've loved who passed away and that is not the kind of emotional whiplash I expected to find below Rick Astley - Dance (Official Video)

Tumblr and Me

So there seems to be a pattern with how I use Tumblr. I leave for a long while (around two years), then I come back (because I need to log in to reblog something that I saw elsewhere that was so good that I just needed to reblog it?), then I have all these old messages to which I can reply and all these great mutuals with whom to get in touch, and then I’m daily sending out asks and answering ‘em and having a good time and trying to catch up on my dash from where I left off the last time I was online. But then my mood starts to decline, and it’s very linked to the site. Perhaps it’s because I’m staying up a bit later and my sleep is suffering? But it’s something more than that. I’m digging into archives and reading old posts, and in my archives I find posts from the last time I was here and they’re not great. There’s self-loading, they’re kinda very pathetic (or cringey, to use a word that in itself invokes cringe), and some of them are just really dumb? But they kinda ring true, also, because they’re expressing feelings that I’m starting to feel again. And so I leave. I might make a post about it or something, but then I leave, and I feel better, and then years pass and I eventually find something that compels me to log back in and reblog and it starts over. So I’m not at the worst of it yet. But it seems kinda inevitable that the worst of it is coming. The smart thing to do would be to leave now or a couple days ago when I recognized the pattern, but, eh. A few more days. I was actually writing the tags and getting ready to post but I gotta mention that it got really bad last time. Like, tumblrbot messaged me twice with hotlines for help because the algorithms had detected there was danger immediate enough that the information could’ve been lifesaving. And although I don’t think I was that far (and I don’t believe I’ll ever be that far because I’ve told myself long ago that if it ever gets that far then just run away, like why end it all when you can start over instead? World’s big, change the surroundings and that changes the situation and see what happens), the fact that I was close enough to set off the internal warning alarms kinda speaks to the severity. And it was probably the worst I can recall feeling in my life (though that may speak more to memory than the actual worst times of my life). And not really in a depression way, because depression is emptiness. This was kinda like loneliness and self-hatred and internalized anger with a layer of sadness over it all. But yeah it was bad. At some point it could be worth unpacking it all and reviewing the situation and learning what of it was the site and what of it was other things that still need working on but I don’t feel like doing that right now. So yeah. A few more days.

1) How do you feel about essential oils? 2) Do you believe in aliens? Why or why not? 3) Do you like flavoured popcorn? Like popcorn with ranch or spices added to it? Heck, do you even like popcorn? 4) You said you work an office job — do you have any trinkets on your desk to make the space feel more "you"? 5) I'm copying, if I was ever in your area where is the best place to go and eat?

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1) They’re good for making nice smells that can be relaxing, but worse than homeopathy when it comes to actually doing a health. Homeopathy does nothing. Essential oils can cause actual harm.2) I mean there’s probably extraterrestrial life out there, the universe is too big for us to be the only ones. But it’s probably also never been to Earth, both because the universe is so big and also because extraterrestrial life is probably mostly just weird alien fungus-like stuff that isn’t sentient or even sapient (or is it sapient or even sentient? I forget which one is higher-level).On the other hand, something weird happened at Roswell and it wasn’t a weather balloon. Wait, as I was typing that I just realized that it was probably that nuclear warning balloon system that was kept classified since you’d rather the Soviets think there were aliens than know you had balloons to detect nuclear testing.3) Um, I just go for regular caramel. Light and salted is too tasteless and I think I’d rather not have popcorn than endure that. But I haven’t tried any other flavours, really. I think savoury popcorn could be interesting, wouldn’t mind trying some BBQ popcorn or something.4) When I was just starting I was bored and not confident enough to be reading longform.org articles copy/pasted into a word document (which is how I currently pass my time) so I Googled “how to fold a paper crane” and folded a paper crane out of a post-it note and it remains under my monitor to this day.I also clipped two of the clips that they use to hold Famous Amos cookie bags shut together and I fiddle with that and will continue to do so until someone buys me a fidget spinner for my birthday or the next Secret Santa.5) Ooh, the best place is different from the place I’d recommend. If you’re all the way out here then you probably wanna try some local food, so I’d just take you to Devi’s Corner at Telawi for some roti canai, a roti tisu (always impressive to the foreigners), perhaps a roti planta, and then a big ol’ stack of chicken satay.But if you wanna know the best place to eat in my neighbourhood, it’s gotta be Maria’s Steak Cafe. Extremely pricey but so incredibly worth it, best meat I’ve ever had. Wagyu steak that melts in your mouth with incredibly rich flavour. Need to get rich so I can go there again someday. It’s also like three minute’s walk from Devi’s Corner so we could kinda do both if you’re willing to skip lunch and do a light breakfast.

1) Out of the recent slew of DC movies, do you have a favourite? 2) Do you have strong feelings about the Oxford comma? 3) Do you mind talking on the phone? (I personally write out the conversation and it’s various diverging points before making a call) 4) Do you have any feelings about Brussels sprouts? 5) Do you like napping?

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1) I watched Wonder Woman on the plane back from Holland last last year and it was pretty okay. I thought Joker was pretty great but not as great as the awards season hyped it up to be. I mean I enjoyed it but it’s not that deep and it’s kinda dumb if you think about it a little.Unless you mean the upcoming movies in which case I think Tumblr would enjoy Birds of Prey but I doubt it’s for me, but Wonder Woman 1984 looks fun enough and difficult enough to screw up that I might just go see it, or watch it on a plane in a few years.But in general I haven’t really cared much for DC since the Nolan Batman movies, and also Lego Batman.2) Yeah, I think helps with accuracy, precision, and clarity.3) A long while ago I used to have hangups about talking on the phone but now I just get into it like it’s no big deal. I guess it’s because so many of my jobs have revolved around phonecalls that I’m completely acclimatized to it all. Having a script definitely helps, I think it’s cool that you found a way to cope like that.4) They are one of the few green vegetables that I prefer cooked to raw. Onions are nicer cooked in certain conditions, but b-sprouts are always best cooked.I should eat more iceberg lettuce, it’s great stuff. Like crunchy water.5) I adore napping. I nap every day at work after lunch. Naps are fantastic, I don’t want to ever stop napping.

1) Tell me something that sounds weird out of context. 2) Ever feel impostor syndrome when you're working and doing your day to day thing? 3) Do you eat cereal? If yes how do you feel about cereal with water? 4) What do you think about QR codes? 5) Ever done anything with AR?

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1) At work the other day I tried to add an old lady as a friend on Facebook but when that didn’t work I just downloaded two of her profile pictures and that was enough.2) Not really, at work at least I know I’m great and deserve what little success I have.Day-to-day I don’t pretend to be or act like anyone terribly important so there’s no worry that I don’t belong because I’m not anywhere terribly worth belonging.A related feeling to impostor syndrome that I do have, though, is I very second-and-third guess when I reply to tweets (my sister informed me that you can see other people’s likes and replies on Twitter at Chrismas dinner and since then my usage of that site has exploded, it’s so much bigger now that it’s not just the main tweets) and often end up not posting a reply at all but I think that’s a good instinct, to be without it would be to become a reply guy and I don’t want that at all.

3) I haven’t eaten cereal recently but I did when I was a child and I always had it with milk. I knew people who put ice cubes in milk and that seems weird enough. Water and cereal seems no bueno, might as well just eat it dry with a glass of water nearby. Dry cereal has more intense flavour anyway.I have had muesli with water, though. It’s… it tastes watery and watered down. I think it’s better dry.4) I don’t know how to use them, my phone is too old to risk installing the app (or an app? Are there multiple? Is there a standard? I don’t know). Objectively I think it’s exciting that technology could be implemented to seamlessly into so many things, but subjectively it’s one more thing I gotta learn and I’ve resisted for a while. I do use the QR scan do do WhatsApp Web but that’s in WhatsApp and it’s very fast. I like it for that.5) I don’t think so, not yet. I did go with my sister and her friend and her brother when they walked a dog and played Pokemon Go in a park, that was kinda AR, I guess. But the idea in general seems neat.

I’m in a weird down mood and I’ve felt this way before; I think I remember feeling like this last time I was on Tumblr. Might quit while I’m ahead and leave now or soon before it gets worse. Alternatively it could be a combination of the end of the weekend (I work Tuesday to Saturday and Saturday’s work from home, so that’s nice. But yeah work starts again tomorrow) and the fact that I watched Midsommar earlier today and that movie kinda fucked me up. Great movie, but like what the fuck. I think what I need/want now is a long-ish conversation with someone on- or offline but more importantly I do need to get to bed since there is work tomorrow and it is approaching the point where I’ll get less than six hours of sleep if I don’t leave the computer now. I could also just be hungry, there’s a lot of stuff going on right now.

1) Do you prefer one middle name or two? 2) Do you think drinking the recommended amount of water is important? 3) What did you last splurge on? 4) I’ve probably asked this in the past but, do you like Pokémon? 5) When you hear the word nostalgia what do you think of?

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1) I think one is fine. Depending on how you look at things I might have two? Officially on documentation I’m Cheah Kian Aun Shaun since in Chinese culture it’s family name then name of the individual, so the format for my name is surname, Chinese name, Christian name. Though Kian Aun is just the one name, like Joe-Bob or perhaps any name with two syllables. And it’s not really a middle name, it’s just my name in Mandarin. I don’t know what it means or how to write it. I should probably learn, or just never go to China. Anyway the name causes issues sometimes when I gotta put it into Western systems, so I generally just do Shaun Cheah or if they really need the full name it’s Firstname: Shaun, Middlename: Kian Aun, Surname: Cheah. At one job the system had me as Shaun Kian which was frustratingly wrong in so many ways.But yeah one middle name is fine.2) I mean, yeah, but also apparently the eight glasses of water a day thing is an estimate, and you can get a lot of it just from the water in food. So, like, you eat an apple and that’s got like half a glass of water in it so you only need seven and a half more, and a lot of that is gonna come from other food. But yeah I like drinking water, I use it as a way to mark time at work. Every hour I pour a glass of hot water from the machine in the pantry, then I drink it at the top of the hour and go for a refill. Gets me out of the chair and gives me something to do. It’s nice. Also I can drink it a bit sooner and it’s warm and nice down the throat. Good times.3) For some reason I read that as “what did you last superglue” and the answer would be my fingers, or rather a surgical glove because I always end up getting superglue on my fingers so the last time I fixed something with the stuff I wore a glove to keep my fingies safe and it worked, can recommend.But yeah the last time I splurged on something would be a breakfast I had at a fancy breakfast place near my house? It’s called Antipodean and it’s in Bangsar, you could probably Google that and pull up the menu. I had a delicious corn fritter with bacon and also a croissant with eggs and sausage, great stuff.4) I do, but I haven’t played any of the games. Jaiden’s video about her Nuzlocke was fantastic, and posts about the game and creatures here are pretty funny. I approve.

5) Trees in Autumn, which is weird because I don’t think I’ve ever seen Autumn, and certainly not at any period of which I’d be capable of being nostalgic. I’ve only ever been out of the tropics in the Summer, I think, so I haven’t been around to see Spring fade and the leaves change and Winter approach and all that. Actually I might’ve spent some time in The Netherlands in Spring but that still doesn’t explain why my first association with the word nostalgia is a tree losing its leaves. Hmm.