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stranger and wilder ere the morrow

@trans-cuchulainn / trans-cuchulainn.tumblr.com

néide || they/he siad/sé || medievalist, heretic, (mostly) human disaster, with strong opinions about cú chulainn || this blog features assorted medieval crap, cute animals, puns, and things that amuse or entertain me. hmu if you're into medieval irish lit, hamlet, or anything else old, gay and sad. || really, really not a Fate blog. || if you like my medieval shitposts you'll love @incorrect-ulster-cycle. || twitter: @seneolas

friends, readers, assorted goblins, the day has come

my college-AU-turned-ballet-AU of the táin, in loco parentis, which began inauspiciously as a shitpost in 2018, has finally come to an end

at 135,693 words it is the longest thing i have ever written, far longer than i ever anticipated it being, and absolutely full of extremely niche medieval literature references

FEATURING

  • láeg and cú chulainn as flatmates
  • group chats featuring all your favourite ulster cycle characters and also some you probably never gave a shit about
  • cú chulainn as a tiny trans ballet dancer and ferdia as his pas de deux partner
  • baking
  • everybody hating on conchobar
  • no dead people. everybody lives. even naoise
  • also nearly everyone's queer. except like. conchobar. and, to everybody's surprise, naoise.
  • emer as a terrifying getaway driver
  • far more feelings about both ballet and shostakovich than anybody was expecting, including me
  • a wild range of creatively-utilised source material, from táin bó cúailnge to aided derbforgaill to fled bricrenn and back again

... and much more besides

you should read it! i am reliably informed that you do not need to know anything about medieval irish lit to have a good time, although it will probably make slightly more sense if you do! i would hazard that the writing improves as it goes on although i really cannot judge at this point as i have lost all perspective!

testimonials from readers:

  • "How did you make me so invested in a modern day college au for the ulster cycle that I haven't even read??"
  • "one of the most compelling updates to a mythological story I've EVER encountered"
  • "the combination of comedy and emotion in this fic is golden and it's all just generally delightful and I love it"
  • "I keep trying to pick which line is funniest. I love this fic."
  • "god this fic is so good!! it has everything: irish myth!! realistic non-us uni vibes!! trans Cu!! BaLLeT!!!!"
  • "an emotionally devestating shitpost 10/10 put this in the MOMA"

i will leave you with: cú chulainn, lug and súaltaim's family group chat, because it's the stupidest thing i've ever written, and because i am always down to roast lug

anyway it is complete, it is long, it has an ending, it is all there, so if you hate reading WIPs because you've been burned too many times by abandoned fics or you just never got around to starting it before, NOW'S THE TIME

MOREOVER if you have read the fic and would like some help identifying the medieval texts it's referencing or just want an explanation of Why I Did That, i now have a post explaining aaaallll the references, so you can even appreciate the super niche shit

sometimes i get really in my own head about something stupid bc I accidentally read people discoursing about the guy they'd made up and convinced my brain that the guy is both real and also maybe me and i catch myself at it and i'm like. why tf am i worrying about this. even if this was me, i don't care about these people's opinion, why am i letting them become the cop inside my brain. and then i remember @chaumas-deactivated20230115 referring to tumblr as "outsourced intrusive thoughts" and i understand, i get it, truly

Keep thinking about that one KJ Charles interview where she's talking about the challenges of being a historical romance novelist when you sort of believe the whole aristocracy should've been executed, and the delicate balancing act of writing historically accurate and interesting characters who don't have awful politics and values. And, crucially, she challenged the typical rich love interest idea by asking, "But where does the money come from?"

Once you think about it, you can't stop thinking about it. Every historical romance I read now, I can tell whether the author has thought about it. Sometimes they've thought about it but tried not to deal with it and hoped we wouldn't notice that the rich aristocrat probably owns a plantation. Sometimes they've actually dealt with it. And sometimes they have not considered it and It Shows.

But I also don't want historical novels where characters have modern sensibilities! I want them to feel historical... I just also want the "desirable" characters to not be, you know, involved in the slave trade or whatever, because that seriously undermines everything the book is doing to make them seem attractive. (One does not generally read this flavour of historical romance for morally grey antiheroes, and even if you did, that would be a fairly tasteless way of developing such a character, imo.)

I really enjoyed a detail in one of Cat Sebastian's books where the love interest is a Quaker, and he refuses dessert because he's boycotting sugar. It's a way of signalling to us that this character has particular values, but one that's rooted in the historical context and doesn't feel like a modern character wearing period clothing. His Quakerism also influences a few other details – his use of first names rather than titles, for example – but it's not a major plot point and he's no intense political campaigner. It's just one facet of his character, and one that made me like him more.

This sort of thing becomes a problem, too, with medieval settings and retellings and anything where you start having to deal with kings. A king of some tiny little pseudohistorical country whose major concerns revolve around not getting invaded and ensuring his people survive the winter is a very different prospect from a king intent on conquering his neighbours and expanding his glorious kingdom, of course. Still a king, though. What do you do with that, if you're someone who doesn't approve of kings?

I ran into this problem with a book I was working on a few years back, and it's one of the reasons I shelved it. I was trying to write a book about community and friendship. I was also trying to write an Arthurian retelling. And while a brotherhood of knights is a great starting point for a story about community and friendship, in order to have knights, you need to have a king for them to pledge fealty to. Problematic. My Arthur figure did not believe in hierarchy, but the story demanded that he perpetuated one anyway, because it was baked into the building blocks of story I was using to build mine. Eventually I realised I could not write that story as an Arthurian retelling without stripping it of everything recognisably Arthurian, and set it aside to be remade into something else.

I still think about this, though. I think about my Bisclavret retelling, which by necessity has a king in it. Bisclavret is a story about feudal loyalty, about oaths, about hierarchies. Take that away and you no longer have Bisclavret; it is a story that cannot exist without a king for the knight-wolf to be loyal to. Does that mean that as a story it always inherently supports a monarchist ideal, though? Or is its portrayal of kingship (a relationship that is, crucially, reciprocal) sufficiently detached from colonialist systems of monarchy to be distinct from those?

What systems and ideals form the assumptions a story is rested on? What happens once you start to question them? Can you still tell the same stories once you ask where the money comes from, or why the king is owed loyalty? Or does there come a point where you realise there are ideas woven into the very fabric of those narratives that you can't see past?

I don't have answers. I'm just thinking aloud. Thinking about having written a book with a king who isn't the bad guy, and what that means when I approve of neither kings nor hierarchies in general. Thinking about writing the past with the eyes of the present. Thinking about the unexamined assumptions in so many historical novels I've read, and how it feels as a reader not to be able to stop examining them.

(I have also read a number of contemporary romance novels where, after working my way through half an author's backlist, I've been forced to acknowledge that despite everything, the author does in fact think rich people are inherently attractive. Not sure what the solution to that one is, but it's certainly a different, if related, problem.)

the book i'm currently reading has a mistaken identity plot (protag thinks she's emailing one person, is actually emailing another) and the blurb and cover give it away if it wasn't entirely obvious from the book itself, but it's taking ages for the realisation to happen and i am experiencing EXCRUCIATING secondhand embarrassment in anticipation of that moment, not sure i can actually cope

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I miss Jason

Honestly, that scale actually makes perfect sense, especially for a sixty person dance crew. You want people who are really good at what they do, but not who will attempt to stand out and affect the cohesion of the group. Too fresh and not fresh enough are both negative qualities. And Jason is just saying that an 8 represents the ideal amount. That’s actually pretty deep, and suggests a collectivist instinct in him.

And yes, that means that Jason is effectively saying that Michael is too smart for his own good, to his detriment.

I saw this and went “oh, so it works like the pH scale”… then realized that means that he’s calling Michael basic.

He’s also inadvertently practicing Virtue Ethics.  The theory of virtue ethics states that every virtue, like generosity, exists on a spectrum somewhere between two vices, like stinginess and being so generous you harm yourself. 

Every person in the show is revealed to be the person Michael told them they were, even the ones he lied about; Jason is a monk, and it very wise and had spent his life meditating on the nature of life…he just grew up in Jackson Villa, so you know it’s in that wrapper. Elinor lawyers her way into saving all of humanity from deletion, thus saving them from death row. It’s a deep ass show y’all

i know i don't have social anxiety but i'm not sure i have generalised anxiety either. i think what i have is more Existential Anxiety, i.e. if i think about mortality or the climate crisis or the universe in general for five seconds too long i WILL have a complete mental shutdown and/or a panic attack and that's me ruined for the day

but i'm totally fine with public speaking

sometimes i'm reading about someone and it's like "she never married, but lived her entire life with her close female friend and companion... her friend moved countries to be with her and they lived together until she died and when she died she left her companion her life's work in her will" etc and it's like

well

it's entirely possible that was not platonic. it is quite a big deal to uproot your life and move countries with somebody and to spend your entire lives together, and not too many platonic friendships are that close and exclusive. so yes, maybe they're lesbians. this would be great, yay, more historical role models

but also. if that was platonic friendship... then what a glorious thing that would be, too! to see a model of somebody who found a platonic life-partner and lived with them their entire life in defiance of social expectation! to see an alternative model for happiness outside of amatonormative and heteronormative society!

this is a win-win situation! what a wonderful thing it would be to have a friend like that, or how lovely it would be to know about more queer people in history who lived and loved before us!

Guys, if you read on AO3 please try to create an account. So many of us writers are going to be forced to lock down our fics to registered users out of necessity to help keep AI away, and it kills us because we don’t want to stop any of you from reading.

AO3 is invite only. So if you know an AO3 user, ask if they have an invitation to give you (we’re given invite codes to share with others who want to join) because that’s an easy way to get in. If you don’t know someone you can ask, this is AO3’s instructions for requesting one from them…

I know this seems like an extra step and maybe you don’t think you need it and can just read from people who haven’t locked their fics. But this isn’t just about you as the reader. If you enjoy fics and you want to keep them coming, this is how you support your favorite writers! If our stats and comments plummet, I guarantee writing is going to start going down as well. Nobody wants that! So please consider making an account and signal boosting this as well! 🙏🏻

**NOTE: AO3 indicates (as of today) there’s 48k some people in the queue for invites and they’re sending out about 5k per day. That’s not a bad wait at all!!**

i love reblogging a post without many notes but which is targeted exactly to my followers and then watching it spiral

i don't have enough followers to have The Popular Blog effect, but i CAN take a medieval post from a few dozen notes to a few hundred through strategic deployment of my tame nerds

one of my earliest memories: when I was a little kid, my mom woke me up late at night telling me there was a surprise. I walked out into the dark sunroom with her, confused until I felt something against my leg and looked down to see a dirty stray cat rubbing against my leg and purring. named him buddy on the spot

here is buddy

hmm been a while since i had a full-on sobbing breakdown about health stuff and how unfair it all is, guess i was overdue one since i'd hit the point of Making Plans For The Future and otherwise trying to live my life like i do not inhabit a spiteful meatsack determined to sabotage me at every turn

unfortunately now that i have made the decision to quit one of my jobs and sanity-checked this decision with my parents after showing them my income estimate spreadsheets and stuff, i have now destroyed the part of my brain that is able to bear the thought of still having said job. the willpower is gone. the desire to quit immediately is overwhelming now that i have envisioned a future in which i do not have this job. the spreadsheets are predicated on not quitting until august but i'm gonna be real with you, idk if i can make myself last that long

reading a book right now that i fear has committed the sin of being Deeply Mediocre. it's linguistically bad (the author does not appear to grasp that scots and gaelic are not the same thing nor do they seem to know what a patronymic is) and the vibes are weird (deep exoticisation of the "savage" scots) but it's not bad enough to be funny and worth hate-reading. nor is the romance compelling enough to make me give enough of a shit to want to wade through the rest. RIP.