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Y'ALL

@tranqualizer / tranqualizer.tumblr.com

holy shit

so over 4 months ago i decided that i’d be deleting my tumblr account because life is just too wild. well let me tell y’all something really quickly before i get back to getting rid of this account. 

here’s a few things:

  • first of all, a confederate monument was toppled in durham, nc on august 14 at a solidarity demonstration we held for charlottesville. i am among 15 people facing charges (2 felony riot charges, and 3 misdemeanors related to property damage) for alleged participation in this toppling. you can follow Defend Durham on Facebook for updates. you can also follow workers.org to get updates about it from the cadre organization I am a part of -- Workers World Party. 
  • i was arrested on august 16, the morning we showed up to do court support for Takiyah Thompson, the brave and young Black queer woman who climbed the statue and invited the crowd to make a choice about whether or not it was coming down. i was arrested in the courtroom and the cops seized my phone -- at the time it was the ONLY device where I was logged into my tumblr account. 
  • tonight I decided i’d try again to remember my password -- literally I’ve been trying for two months to guess my password. and finally it worked. 
  • i’ve been getting lots of fucking hate mail and my shit, along with others, have been posted on the scum of the earth white supremacist forums -- like 4chan. so i’m really relieved that i’m back on my account so i can delete the really vulnerable shit i’ve posted here over the past decade. 
  • i read at a poetry festival this past weekend, 2 pieces i self-published in my chapbook “hold on” and a new piece i wrote specifically for the panel i was invited to be on -- on poetics of migration. i’m trying to take myself seriously as a writer again so i feel really good about it. 
  • now that i have access to this account again i’ll be deleting stuff pretty steadily. if you want to stay in touch, reach out. 

almost a decade, several thousand posts, and nearly 6,000 followers, i've decided i'm going to start archiving this blog and then eventually deleting. in the last nearly 10 years, i've learned a lot about myself on this website and my internet life has taken many forms. i've met a lot of incredible people, have found tremendous inspiration, and been motivated to fight for a dramatically different and more just world. i started this blog bc i needed to find a place for myself in the world. craved friendship and relationship, a space to be angry and heard. now i'm in a cadre socialist organization, work a fuck ton, and am trying to get back to my writing. there is a lot to this blog i want to shed. two years ago i made a separate blog just to focus on my writing. i'm gonna revamp that again now, after putting out a chapbook in april. if you want to follow: @rustandyearnings if you want to stay in touch, hmu for my email or FB info. i'm also on twitter: @ntranloan a few years ago i made a website but it's under a lot of heavy construction so if i post any new pieces of poetry or prose it'll be through my other tumblr. words can't capture the many lives i've lived through this site/blog, the tremendous care i have experienced, and the deep love i have for all of us who dare find ways to connect. see y'all on the flipside.

I’m bloated with language I can’t afford to forget.

Warsan Shire, from Conversations About Home in “Teaching My Mother How To Give Birth” (via 7-weeks)

When I ask the experts "how much time do I have?" I don't want an answer in years or arguments. I must know if there are hours enough to mend this relationship, see a book all the way to its birthing, stand beside my father on his journey. I want to know how many seasons of chamisa will be yellow then grey-green and yellow /light/ again, how many red cactus flowers will bloom beside my door. I do not want to follow language like a dog with its tail between its legs. I need time equated with music, hours rising in bread, years deep from connections. The present always holds a tremor or the past. Give me a handful of future to rub against my lips.

"Immigration Law" by Margaret Randall

What The Signs Want

Aries: Justice For Sandra Bland
Taurus: Justice For Sandra Bland
Gemini: Justice For Sandra Bland
Cancer: Justice For Sandra Bland
Leo: Justice For Sandra Bland
Virgo: Justice For Sandra Bland
Libra: Justice For Sandra Bland
Scorpio: Justice For Sandra Bland
Sagittarius: Justice For Sandra Bland
Capricorn: Justice For Sandra Bland
Aquarius: Justice For Sandra Bland
Pisces: Justice For Sandra Bland

everyone who bullied me for having thick eyebrows but now fills them in should pay me 20 dollars

they came for you and i closed one fist and said no in the morning they'll come again looking for my other hand that which hung onto your tender fingers when they come back maybe you will have chosen to stay to say no for yourself with both hands in mine our fists stronger interlocked closing the space between us with love instead of fear.

"2017" -- from HOLD ON | ngọc loan trần

sometimes you get lost in the part of tumblr where all the white girls write sad love poems in the style of tumblr rambles except they hit return at all the right times and you just gotta roll with the punches.

i have a new chapbook, if u wanna read it hmu 😇