normal about fictional women & tragedy

Yeah yeah, “I want a vampire to bite me” this, “Vampires are so hot” that, but could you ever make the ultimate sacrifice for love? Could you give up garlic? 

[ID: two messages. sender's reads: I'd kill you if I was absolutely sure you wouldn't be into it. op replies: And I would be. Btw /End ID]

They should make an alternate version of boba tea called kiki tea and its filled with spikes

went to a discussion led by elliot page earlier today and there were many good things said but at one point the other presenter asked him "what's a cool thing about yourself that has nothing to do with being trans?" and he said "uhh this is all I've got going for me" and then paused before adding "if anyone has three oranges, I can juggle"

yeah i let her hit., with a b aseball bat. on a completely unrelate dnote i have this terribl e headache

A FOURTH TRACK?!

[ID: a tag reading, “engineers building a train station circa 1910”. /end ID]

I love those attempts at positivity posts that are like I HATE conventionally attractive hot sexy people give me someone with fugly disgusting ugly ass features like a huge ugly nose any day of the week. 🤗

Personally I loooove unconventional ugly features like [describes every ethnic feature possible]

the world's youngest sommelier: now here we have a very full-bodied red, from one of our smaller vineyards. very pungent, floral nose. tasting it, we get a very herbaceous front taste with distinct notes of......yucky,?

We all got that one vassal who's read a few too many warrior tales... Trying to get a little freaky with it on the down low... Won't shut up about his loyalty unto death... Saying shit like "my liege, I am your blade...." Bitch I sent you to guard my isolated holdings in the eastern provinces for a reason!!!!!!! #REBLOG!!!!!

I'm sorry but I've got some bad news about the eunuchs for you

[image 1: a tag reading, “modestly swearing fealty but at night you know he’s wielding a different sword…”

image 2: tags reading, “and don’t get me started on the treacherous students these days either. claiming to be steadfast as the mighty pine yet when the wind blows they bend like reeds. trust none but the eunuchs as they say.” /end ID]

forget Resting Bitch Face, I have Resting Competent Face. People see me and think ah yes she can point me to the nearest train station. Fellow grocery shoppers ask if I know what kind of butter they should buy. If a strange man speaks to me on the street it is literally always an inquiry and never a catcall. Once someone randomly asked me what an equinox was and after I told her she nodded and said "you seemed like you'd know." why am I assigned oracle at random interaction

a stud in black leather on a black motorcycle just revved their engine at me and thank god I tore my demonic uterus out ages ago because I think that would have finally knocked me up

what a universe……

[ID: A screenshot of two replies. The first, by @/wabblebees, reads "I was helping a hot older butch pick out herbs for her garden this week, & during the course of our convo (conversation) she called me both "cute" (for being for smiley while talking about the farm + our plants) AND (this word is in all caps) "cowboy" ("easy, cowboy, I'm listening" when I got excited & started talking a mile a minute about different kinds of mint) ... in that moment I'd have done Anything (this last word is capitalized for emphasis".

The second reply, by @/grubloved, reads "a (in all caps) PAIR of fat butches older than me came in the deli monday while i was restocking drinks and they winked at me ... blessed encounters all around". End ID]

hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

we ask that the defense not say "me when i lie" while the witness testifies

I think Sports would be more interesting if the ground was uneven or if they were on the woods and they had hammers ans spears and knives and sword and horses and if there were two castle and they had defend their castle and one of their teammates had to go into the enemy castle and be a maiden and they had to rescue her