buisinesses mislabeling their job offers in databases gives so much unintentional comedy, I just searched under "no experience needed" and "no degrees needed" and it gave me a job opening for 'dentist'. Like sure I'll have a go, give me the pliers

i think it's awesome that there's weed for cats and we just give it to them

Please sign ✒️

I don’t give a fuck about discourse im jerking my hog and moaning like a hump back whale

Does anyone wanan play ants with me?

OK can i be the crumb

FUCK no your the wet soil pile

This is about 2008

actually they invented depression one year later for the emo movement

wait what did nintendo ds stand for? dick sucking??ewwwww. the dsi? dick suck international??? ewwww

yuo cant say this during plague month

pride month. pharohs curse got me

Your too late mr bond I alreasy peed out all my pee from my penis

I know y'all should all know by now, but here is a current example of how drag bans actually ban trans people from existing in public spaces

This was the email that was sent to Adria Jawort, a two spirit author scheduled to speak at a Montana library, on the first day of pride month.

I just wanna emphasize the fact that the trans person in question here is an INDIGENOUS TRANS WOMAN and that’s not a coincidence. These laws are disproportionately gonna impact people of color and trans women and above all trans women of color. And her talk was going to focus on the history of Two-Spirit people in Montana

went to college and came back wrong

"what's your dream job??" Uhh to have 17 weird little hobbies that I don't have to be good at and hang out with friends. I get money via being the world's specialist little princess

the little green pepper they give you with papa johns ultimately tells a queer narrative

No I cant go to your house because your water is too small I will only drink big water or huge water

doing some serious research here

Everyone else talked about outdoor cats, it's time for me to talk about offleash dogs

Reasons not to have your dog offleash at a public park:

1) roads (this one is self-explanatory)

2) it makes the park inaccessible to like, entire swathes of the population. If you have experience with police dogs or guard dogs in your neighborhood, or you're a new immigrant from somewhere with a large population of feral dogs, it sucks ass going to the park and having someone's massive lab bound up to you!

3) If, for example, you are in a protected wetland area plastered with friendly signs asking you to please leash your dog to avoid causing an ecological impact, having your dog offleash might cause an ecological impact! "Oh no, my dog is well-behaved, they would never bother the wildlife" wrong! your dog is in the pond trying to eat the endangered Blandings' turtles!

4) Non-zero chance of a jokerified park guide (me) just clipping your dog to a leash and stealing them

5) “Oh but my dog is friendly!” If your unleashed “friendly” dog runs up to my leashed UNFRIENDLY dog, and my dog bites yours, guess who’s getting the blame despite doing everything right?

so called feminists: "actually women are naturally inferior at everything, including quiz game shows, beauty pageants, chess, and video games. we need a society that is segregated so that anyone who would ever have to potential to win against a woman is eliminated. this is actually far better than organizing sports into weight classes or different athletic/skill level based categories that ignore sex, like what wrestling and video/board game tournaments already do. I cannot accept the reality that men and women are the same species. this is actually how we truly protect women. by calling them weak pathetic losers who could never win against even the worst opponent, and preventing them from even playing at all."

actually conversion I had with one of these nerds:

me: "so you think men are better at literally everything, even things that do not require any physical ability whatsoever?"

terf: "yes! those should still be segregated by sex! males should not be playing against women ever. it's an unfair advantage"

me: "so my brother has an unfair advantage over me when playing fucking monopoly?"

terf: "yes. males are statistically better and managing finances, while women are irresponsible and lenient with spending money."

hey guys. I think the people who are literally unironicly saying "women are bad at money. this means they suck at board games" aren't actually feminists

No joke, that was the rethoric the Francoist regime in Spain used to justify women being legally underage regardless of age and unable to open bank accounts without their husbands or fathers permission. That law was effective until 1975.

I think this is the funniest onion headline bar none