well it's just like my cursed skull would always say

you know it my liege 🤣😂

put some legs on that beast

I post this every year but it’s worth it to remind myself to plant flowers, in the garden and in my mind and whenever I get a chance, in the hearts of others.

Here is a copy of the original from 2017, with the artist’s name! @geopsych

The source for that New Years cartoon I posted. Thank you, @godsbyanyothername !

Scissor Wizard and Paper Wizard

It’s probably fine to leave them alone together.

Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

“It’s a handbag.”

Crafty Minotaur

Edit: Hey, uh, you can buy this on everything now.

[Image Description: In the style of ancient Greek pottery, Theseus is depicted holding a short sword in front of him and a ball of yarn in the other hand as he walks to the left. The yarn trails behind him to the Minotaur, sneaking behind Theseus and knitting something out of the yarn]

horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “actually the gay bar is next door” and the horse says “I’m not gay”

the horse has a small crisis about his sexual identity and mulls it over, nursing his beer in the corner of the sports bar. he realizes he might actually be bicurious, goes next door to the gay bar, meets a Friesian stallion who rocks his world and they get married 3 years after what they thought would be a one night stand

This is them walking into church on their wedding day. The Banker gelding got a little emotional because he’s insecure and it’s a venerable day. They’re getting married in a Catholic church and they’re being married by the Friesian’s childhood priest. The Banker gelding was raised as an evangelical southern baptist and deconstructed but has religious trauma and is now learning to interact with religion in a healthy way by respecting his husband’s faith. Also, the light shines on the Friesian like that all the time because he is perfect.

He is a donkey. His name is Father Dominick.

merry fucken christmas heres your

PRESENT

So excited to work as a scare actor for the second year in a row

Last year I was a zombie and chased people around the trail.

This year I’m walking backwards along the trail until I meet a group, saying “hey my friends ran on ahead, can I walk with you?” And then getting kidnapped.

About 10 years ago my sister attended a zombie survival paintball experience in an abandoned derelict shopping centre

There was a nervous guy at the meeting point who explained that his friends got food poisoning from dinner last night, but this was the whole point of the trip and he didn't want to hang about in a hotel room with sick people, but he was considering just going back home

The entire group immediately took him under their wing and adopted him into their friends and inside jokes and sharing snacks

He was dragged off and eaten by zombies in the first 15 minutes, complete with blood packs, and returned in the final room as a sort of final boss

10/10 long lasting emotional scarring

Have you ever wondered how someone meets Santa? Well, you need to follow a very specific ritual to summon him.

Do you have any idea how long I’ve had this queued? Any idea? A year. A fucking year. I don’t even use my queue ever. Ever. This is the only thing I’ve EVER queued. I’ve had this queued for a year so I don’t forget it.

everything about this video is perfect. the voice acting, the cookies, the milk, the cave, the chickens singing the imperial march for some reason, the way the sound of the fires starting lines up with the haunting song of the chickens, the way santa teleports right in front of the player at the last second. it’s all so surreal

ppl are so annoying “you can’t paint ur bedroom pink you’re an adult” i did not spend my entire life waiting to grow up and control my life to paint my bedroom beige

I had a sales woman in furniture store try and tell me not to buy a hot bubblegum pink loveseat because she wanted me to “think about the future”

Bitch, I am thinking about the future. I already got a hot bubblegum pink couch at home and now I need a loveseat to go with it.

when I first bought my house, I announced my decision to paint my bedroom purple. I had wanted a purple bedroom for thirty damn years, you fucking bet I was gonna have one now. My friends decided, for some reason, that I meant what one of them referred to as “14 year old girl purple” (through what’s wrong with the colors a 14 year old girl chooses, I don’t know, even if they’re not what I want as an adult). They didn’t believe me until they saw the color on the actual wall, even thought they helped me pick out paints. My mother, meanwhile, decided to get worried that if I painted my bedroom a “dark purple”, it would be “depressing”. As if, with an entire house to live in, I would spend all my time in the bedroom, which I wanted to be dark because I would be sleeping in there. In the damn dark.

I had like one, maybe two friends who were all like FUCK YEAH YOU PAINT IT WHATEVER COLOR YOU WANT, PURPLE BEDROOMS ARE AWESOME.

But when they actualy saw the finished bedroom, every single one of them was like, “Oh yeah, that’s really pretty.” (Well, the ones who supported me from the beginning were more like WOOHOO.)

And the moral of the story is: Fuck ‘em, please yourself. Either they’ll come around, or you can safely ignore every question of taste they opine about for the rest of time.

This applies to other adulting activities, too. When I was a kid, I decided that I wanted to have a wedding cake made of doughnuts. When I got older, I figured that I would be “mature” about it and get a traditional cake, which the older adults approved of. Now that I’m 25 and facing the possibility of actual marriage in the near future, I’m just like “marriage is a social construct but it comes with tax & insurance benefits, so just give me that goddamn doughnut cake.” If they don’t like it then they don’t have to come to my wedding.

https://xkcd.com/150/

I would like you all to view my office. I’m thirty and my rainbow room is awesome, people can fight me

I’m thirty and my first big furniture purchase was a custom coffin shaped coffee table that opens up and is lined with purple crushed velvet. I would have loved it at 13 and I love it now. Growing up doesn’t mean you have to abandon what makes you happy.

GROWING UP DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ABANDON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

can i interest u in a box of friend??

it’s him…… the Grey Earl…………..

A most honored guest at the royal ball!

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

I am in love with you /p

has this been done?

congratulations piracy

Ad agency: Please don't steal the King's potatoes, no matter how easy it is.

Regular people: Wait, the King has easily stolen potatoes? How do I get in on this?

Internet users who have been stealing potatoes for years: We made a machine that picks so many potatoes and also that machine is free. Enjoy!

Ad agency: you wouldn't steal a movie?

10 year old me with 0 income and no movie: YOU CAN STEAL MOVIES????

Love to be on a website where I can join such hit 2022 fandoms as "century old public domain novel being read very slowly" and "half-century old mafia film that does not actually exist."

Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this

you laugh. my flour is bereft of purpose and you mock me. hell upon you, fool