i have a hill to die on real quick

phrases like “you don’t owe anyone anything” and “relationships aren’t transactional” have the power to be used in ways that are very backwards and harmful

for example, no you don’t owe anyone anything in that if some creep is trying to get with you, you can block him without feeling bad. you don’t owe kindness to people who are transphobic or racist or bigoted.

but, you can’t use this as an excuse to fuck over people who have helped you. “you don’t owe anyone anything” isn’t an excuse to allow yourself to forget compassion and basic empathy, it isn’t an excuse for you to be an asshole just because you find it easier to be one

relationships aren’t transactional in that if your partner does something nice for you, you are indebted to them. they do these things because they love you; it is their choice to express love through these gestures

but they are transactional in that you both actively need to be putting time and care into the relationship. ignoring the dynamic of one person caring too much (and putting in excessive (emotional an literal) work and labor) while the other does nothing isn’t healthy. one person can’t solely take and the other person can’t solely give- that’s dangerous, and you can’t put the bandaid of “this isn’t transactional” over a relationship that is draining you in all capacities

i’m tired of seeing these things being misconstrued and used as an excuse to hurt people, while framing it as a way of taking care of yourself

Essays on Gender 

All the straights at the Met Gala:

Toxic masculinity has become almost entirely a discussion of aesthetics, in which case I think toxic femininity is more worthwhile as a discussion - the kind of toxicity that seeps under your skin and causes you to perform in adherence to strict beauty regimes, shaving and waxing and getting hair treatments and expensive skin care and dieting and wearing shoes that hurt you (and can hurt you permanently) and hurting/deforming your body and getting injections to erase signs of aging or to plump up your lip size and bring unable to go to the corner store without makeup on and so on and so on.. My point is that 1. Toxic masculinity has lost its initial critique and has become about aesthetics wherein a man who is willing to dress somewhat femininely cannot possibly exhibit toxic behavior and 2. Is (heteropatriarchal, white supremacist, thin-idealist) femininity really something to put on a pedestal in contact to this aesthetic of ‘toxic’ masculinity? This is how people come to believe butches carry ideals of toxic masculinity because we like to fix cars and wear flannel while Straight Man #1747936 can wear a single earring and get away with astounding levels of misogyny

Comrade Ben

thing is we weren’t Ready for met gala: camp. we never will be until people understand it’s okay to be ugly. it’s okay to be outrageous and tacky. for no one to understand what you’re wearing….but they don’t get it. camp will not succeed when beauty trumps all

Keiynan Lonsdale, at Sally Singer’s pre-Met ‘Cotton Campy’ party.

Photographed by Corey Tenold for Vogue.

he gets it

On goddd

Billy Porter arriving

Lena Waithe | Met Gala 2019

here’s a new ideological movement for you: internet iconoclasm

The 1 exception: Seth Everman

how about no exceptions because this is literally a basic guide for healthy and respectful behavior wrt internet fame

Seth Everman IS the internet and we must worship him accordingly

do you people hear yourselves sometimes

The irony here is that OP is an aphobe

Mod Bethany

Anyone praising Harry Styles as the “King of Camp” for simply wearing a sheer blouse when Billy Porter was carried in on a liter by six men, all involved covered in gold, is blind and a fool

Representation Win! Extra in the Background of Franchise Film Has Undercut

stop saying that taylor swift is a lesbian icon when shes literally the straightest person i have ever seen in my life

wearing the pan colors (next to bredon urie…….an out pan man……also wearing pan colors……)

PANtsuits

lesbian flag colors

gay pride flag

like literally closeted people……exist??? just because shes a celebrity…….does not mean she is exempt from homophobia??? esp when she was born and bred in country music, like if she wanted to be succesful wtf else was she supposed to do but appease The Straights??? like literally she IS a lesbian icon bc she IS a lesbian stop telling us to erase this woman’s story

this post called me so many slurs

i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

If you complain about gnc gay men getting respect all the time you’ve obviously never been called a fag for walking differently than other guys or for wearing a necklace or for wearing a pink shirt.

Like everyone thinks gay men are something everyone fucking worships but they have to realize that the internet isn’t like the real world and most of us can’t express being attracted to men without being beat up. I wish gay men were as respected as everyone thinks cause then I wouldn’t have to dress as masculine as possible and then dress and act even more masculine whenever some kid says something homophobic cause I’m fucking terrified of anyone knowing I’m gay.

anybody wanna be friends with detriments? its like friends with benefits but instead of having sex i just do annoying shit like showing up at your house and smoking a joint in the bathroom when you really need to piss and trying to get you involved in multi level marketing schemes