Buster Keaton - The Haunted House (1921)

So sad that tgis kind of shit just doesn't hapoen anymore

Insert Jim Carrey's "HOLY HELL!" just before the swoon. Relatable :P

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

A zeugma walked into a bar, my life and trouble.

A bilingual walks into a como se llama la pinche chingadera esa cosa! 

Recently re-watched GUARDIAN and I kept quoting the Emmanuel the Emu videos every time ZYL wanted to touch the Hallows and Shen Wei stopped him, hahaa!

For those who don't know Emmanuel the Emu, here he is: https://youtu.be/d22r99JPg_M

Reblogged from art blog :P 

My friend and I recently re-watched GUARDIAN and we came up with this joke. I never quite got why Shen Wei never told ZYL Ye Zun was his brother :P

PS: The "sound of my walls going back up" is a Daffy Duck line from The Looney Tunes Show, I couldn't resist :D

Reblogged from art blog :D 

🌊 漢服鮫人 Hanfu mermaid

🧜🏻‍♀️妞妞妞 📷當小時 👗須彌閣+靜淞居+遊園驚夢+春山集 🎵夜曲-JayChou

Gorgeous, spectacular, dream-like! 

the untamed + fine literature [in/s/p]

I think the final Jiang Cheng one wins for me . . . I laugh, but my heart hurts, hahaaa! :P

From my blog, a retelling of the time I met Stephen frickin' Fry :D and our shared love for Oscar Wilde :)

Reblogged from art blog :) 

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

so who’s on first?

That’s right 👍🏻

that’s strange

No, he’s on second.

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

Naturally.

Who?

Naturally.

So Naturally is the first baseman?

No. The first baseman is Who.

Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?

House is on Third.

I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.

Who’s on first!

This is horrible

Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base

That’s not what I’m asking about! No!

KE HUY QUAN & HARRISON FORD after EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE wins BEST PICTURE | 2023 Oscars

AAAAAH!!!! I love this!!!!!

I just rediscovered how glorious this image is so excuse me while I laugh uncontrollably every time I look at it again.

It was taken in Kensal Green Cemetery in February.

Terry borrowed the white jacket from our editor, Malcolm Edwards, and grumbled that it did nothing to keep him warm on a very cold day.

“Sometimes you have to be cold to look cool,” I told him.

“It’s all right for you,” he said. “You’re wearing a leather jacket.”

“You could wear a leather jacket too.”

“I’m wearing white,” said Terry, pointedly. “That way, when they come after us for writing a blasphemous book, they’ll know I’m the nice one.”

(After the photo was taken we noticed the bat-winged hourglass, which we hadn’t seen during the photo session, and requested bat-winged hourglasses as a design motif in the book.)

Missing Terry on his anniversary.

They kinda look like Crowley and Aziraphale :P 

Chip the glasses and crack the plates! Blunt the knives and bend the forks! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates — Smash the bottles and burn the corks! Cut the cloth and tread on the fat! Pour all the milk on the pantry floor! Leave the bones on the bedroom mat! Splash the wine on every door! Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl; Pound them up with a thumping pole; And when you’ve finished, if any are whole, Send them down the hall to roll! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the plates! That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates! So, carefully! carefully with the plates!

I LOVE the tags on this post, they make me so happy:

AAAAAAAAAH! Seriously!!!! This makes me so happy! 

If you like frogs. Or possums. Or cool builds. Or happiness. This is the video for you.

Love this journey! :P 

Fae inspired creatures: this time taking inspiration from Akira Kurosawa’s first segment from his film Dreams (1990), and a bit of Ghibli environment inspiration. The Kitsune are fox spirits, who can often take human form, and though they’re usually depicted as tricksters, they also have similarities to the Irish Fae folk. So here is a Kitsune father and son still experiencing strange wonders deep in the woods.

Reblogged from art blog :) 

I love this so much, I’m gonna start saying “nuts” we need to bring it back

I love b&w proper ladies breaking character with “sonofabitch”

“OHH you’re following me, oUUhhh I didn’t know that!”

Seeing Humphrey Boggart being silly gives me so much joy :P 

Button Imp.

Traditional ink with digital shading.

Reblogged from art blog :) I like this little rat-owl-arachnid thingy. 

Being a writer is just 97% googling words to make sure they mean exactly what you always assumed they meant.

Painfully true :P 

Based on a dream I had the other week :P Irrefutable proof that I'm watching waaay too many CDramas, hahaa!

Reblogged from art blog :P Also drew this while re-watching Everything Everywhere All At Once :D 

"We're still here"

I love them both so much!

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

The spiritual successor to Miette

Might I also add

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she’s been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

Can haz snackytreat

(source)

Source

This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!

you’re absolutely correct it was

Hell yeah

Can confirm all :P 

Meanwhile, on Twitter:

Brain farts, a thread

Reblogging this once again because, once again, it made me laugh.

Bit of a long one: in grad school my friend and I pulled an all-nighter. We were very sleep deprived and out of it, but still went to get breakfast at a diner. While blinking blearily at the menus, I see Eggs Benedict. My friend knows I’m in love with Benedict Cumberbatch so I say as a joke: “I’m gonna have the love of my life.” My friend nods dismissively. Waitress comes over and asks for our order. I say in a genuine voice: “Can I have the love of my lilfe.” 

Waitress blinks at me, friend starts dying behind the menu. I try to backtrack and explain what I meant, but the waitress just gives me the most sympathetic look and says “Well, I hope so, honey!” :P