astarion just fully ready to fuck a bear
HE FUCKED THAT BEAR.
I'm glad you asked! Baldurs Gate 3 is about an alien invasion
Me, in the summer heat, taking 2 points of fire damage every second: aeugh aeugh aeugh ough eough ough eaugh
maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them
starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost
he fucking killed the other guy
rare post where every single comment is funny
crying crying crying
My father and I play this… game… in which we both pretend to be attempting to assassinate each other. When we serve the other food or drink, we’ll adopt the most suspicious mannerisms and wording possible, as though the food were secretly poisoned and we are eagerly waiting for them to eat it and die.
The other player pretends that they know their food is poisoned, but must feign ignorance and try to come up with subtle excuses not to eat/drink it without seeming rude or directly confronting the other about the attempted kinslaying.
Wholesome family bonding.
Last night my father brought me “a nice tall glass of ice water” and stood there watching me closely as I sipped it. I pretended to swallow, at which point he threw his head back and laughed maniacally.
While he was laughing, I spit the entire mouthful of water that I’d been holding in my mouth onto his shirt, patted my chest, and said, “Oh, dear, Father; I’m afraid this water was just too cold. I need to let it warm up. Why don’t I make us some… tea.”
Another thing we do is imply that we have set lethal traps for each other.
“Goodnight Father,” I’ll tell him (because Father with a capital F is the most sinister and threatening thing you can call your dad). “I hope you sleep well tonight. Very well. It would be a shame if something… disturbed you.“ In response, he’ll make an offhand remark about needing to Google the upper age limit for sudden infant death syndrome, or he’ll bring up my “inheritance” and the possibility that he might have worthy bastard children somewhere.
My mother does not like our game.
i have a brain problem that prevents me from understanding people who need so much specifically newly-released TV shows that they're upset by the prospect of going a few months without new ones being produced
like they could stop making video games and books today and I wouldn't notice until sometime in 2026. honestly if they'd stop making new video games for a while that'd be kinda convenient. everyone take a break and let me catch up. I still haven't even played Persona 5.
find me in 2029 going "you guys heard about this red plumber dude? little bastard just loves to jump lol. anyway it sounds weird, I know, but I'm kinda getting into it"
If you write down the results and properly format the paper, it even counts as science!
When I was in college, there was a solid year where our lgbt group did this with two bathrooms at the end of a hall that were used by like, maybe 20 people. They would put up gendered signs and we kept stealing them. And then we started writing random things on the walls INCLUDING full word for word copies of personal ads from the back of 1980′s advocate magazines.
It got to the point where the building management was on a hunt trying to find who was doing this and we had to start hiding our faces so as to not get caught on the security cameras. Our faculty advisor came down to the office one day and was like “do you guys know anything about this” essentially as we’re trying to close a comically full drawer of stolen bathroom signs, and we’re like “no” and they were like “great.”
They never caught us.
jesus died for your sins so make sure to sin hard everyday or else he died for nothing
yall we gotta stop apologizing for making slightly horny remarks we aren't catholic
on the announcement that Disney+ is removing a plethora of shows and films from its service, please read these tweets from Willow writer John Bickerstaff. this is not a tax writeoff like Batgirl, because these projects have already been released. this is a move designed to cut off financial support in the form of residuals, and break the spirit of the strike. here is the deadline article that lists the films/shows that will be removed.
as always, donate to the entertainment community fund, vocally support the WGA online and irl, or join a picket in a major US city if you can. let them know they can't keep getting away with things like this.
i get kidnapped by a rich creep and he does the whole "have dinner with me wearing this specific dress (or die)" thing and i'm like okay lol let's see the dress and it turns out the dress doesn't fit me because the loser just thought he could grab any old low-cut red dress off the rack because he's a man and so i have to explain that there are very very few dresses that actually fit my weird proportions and so we take the fancy dinner to go and spend four hours dress shopping and then sometime around dress #27 i make my daring escape and he doesn't even bother to pursue me because he's so tired of shopping
bargain basement shit tier creep doesn't even know your measurements from watching you in his van for months, this is a red flag ladies!!! 😫❌🚨🚨🚨💅
Anonymous asked:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
lots and lots and lots and lots
It appears to me a lot of people's impression of Sherlock Holmes' drug use out of context is "he's running around solving murders while coked out of his mind" which is really funny BUT!
As someone who reads acd canon & has the autistic urge to correct people about my interests, I'd like to let it be known that he actually primarily uses drugs between cases, because he gets painfully bored with nothing to do, stating "my mind rebels at stagnation." This is because he has adhd but the diagnosis hadn't been invented yet. Anyway
This can still be funny because it means the rest of the time he's acting like that while completely sober. He's just quirky. He IS a cokehead but it actually calms him down. Because he needs adderall
You may hear "Sherlock Holmes does cocaine" and think "oh, that explains why he's so fucking weird" but you would have it backwards. He does cocaine because he's already just Like That. He does this specifically when he's understimulated. They didn't have adhd meds in victorian london he's taking whatever stimulants are available. And That's why he's coked out of his mind. But Not while currently working on a case, because that keeps him busy
*note: I have adhd I know how it is