Me, at drive thru: Can I get a... Number 7, with large fries, and a sprite? Thanks, I love you.
Drive thru: I love you too.
Me: Beautiful night, isn't it?
Drive thru: Yes, it is.
Me: And it'll be a beautifully day tomorrow?
Drive thru: It will be.
going to get your tubes tied and when ur done ur doctor shows you an ultrasouns and he’s tied them into a perfect baloon dog :)
forgot my night time garlic bread in the oven for the length of 2 mythbusters wpisodes and when i opened the oven door it was so thoroughly cremated that i was blinded not by smoke and ash but what surely must have been its Soul as well
bro not the quencies (way of saying consequences if theres something deeply wrong with you)
my introductory paragraph insisting upon my sanity and denouncing all those who would insinuate my madness is raising a lot of questions in the reader already answered by my paragraph
imagine being high off your ass in 1964 and turning the radio on and you hear house of the rising sun by the animals for the first time. my soul would leave my body id fucking die
cats are alayws like could you kiss me on my little head please? [0.2 seconds without response] okay. time for punching to death then
im in so much physical pain i might died
disgusting evil bastard muscle
the stingray
My brother's girlfriend had HPV, so he went to get himself the HPV vaccine. There is a fee to pay (nothing much, something like €87) but it's completely free if you're in one of the "at risk" groups.
"What does that mean," he asks. "It's free if you're gay," he's told. "Ah. Would I have to like, prove it, or...?" "Just put in a check mark here."
My brother is in no way, shape or form attracted to men, but also he's stingy as it gets. So now he's officially gay. Congrats bro.
"Doctor, give it to me straight" "You sure, there's a fee" "… Give it to me gay"
AGAB (Assigned Gay At Billing)
Fascinated by the fact that his first question was about if he'd have to prove it. I wanna know how far that man would go to save less than a dollar
Sorry, do you think 87 euros is less than a dollar
I miss when library books used to have little paper pockets inside with a list of all the people who borrowed it and when... I hate that this is now exclusive knowledge of librarians. I do care that a miss Mariana borrowed this book in 1985 and then Dario in 1997. They're my brothers and sisters