3:55am

i cannot believe op left out the best part, all of the fucking memes that came from this

what a deal!

the fourth person to call 615-332-4570:

Is that Ariana Grande

yea

Is she okay?

no she got hit

why was she so loud

bc she got hit

why

she got hit

Why’d she get hit

the bus hit her

is she okay?

……his own fam 

wow

having both depression and anxiety

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

lmfao

IN CHURCH THO???

what a deal!

the fourth person to call 615-332-4570:

OPEN RP

Would you care for a free lollipop?

Would I?!

Would you?

Would I!?

Would you?!

Ẅ̴̨̰͚̟̤̅̓̀͌͆̇̈̎ͅǫ̴̢̳͙͈͍̰͇́̀̄̈̎͜͝ͅu̸̢̘̦̩̠̭̿̈́̆́̋͗̇l̷̨̛̥͔̠̳̯̘̹͎̎̀̐͑͑͊͒̋̍͘̕̚d̷̨͇͚̲͈̈́̄̏̈́͊̀̀̆̽̔̍́ ̵̧̧̰͖̻̻̞̘̖̳̤͌́͗̎̆̾͛̾̈̅͗̿́͠͝I̵̢̨̛̯̯͔̜̠̬͐̃͋͆̔͂́̃̀͑̆̚͠͝!̶̧̢̡̛͔̥̮̱̉̇͊̆̊̐̃̀͝?̸̧̛̩̝̫̰̟̫͕͖̦̾̀̚̚

W͙̤̬̼͇͚͔̮͍̲͔̘̹͜͡ͅÒ͕̭̗̞͖̤̹̘͈͔̬͙͖̥̀͢U̶̡̲̩̺̟͕̭̖̮̲͡L̝͖̺̲̺̩͚̲̙̠̟̺͖͚̯̘̺͟͟ͅḐ̟͈͎̥̤́͘͝ ̢̢́͠͏̣̝͓̱͙Y̛͔̱̫͍̲̲̻͎͈̤̦̠̜͡Ó̷̼̮̥̖͎͍̭̜̘͍̭̦̼͘͟͜U̡͞͞͞҉̜̼̱̖̟?̫͙̹̤̘͔͉̗̖̝͎̜͞͞͠!͍̩̗͔̯̘̗͓̦̟̱̝͕̟͎͚͠

….would I what?

Would you care for a free lollipop?

Would I?!

RADDA RADDA

Yes. I would. Thank you.

I haven’t seen the episode where this is from, but I have no doubt in my mind it went exactly like that.

I’m reblogging this every time I see it.

AND COUNTING.

The reading comprehension and overall common sense on this website is piss poor.

how dare you say we piss on the poor

assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

when u suckin dick and u look up and they like

*shows up 15 months late with starbucks* anyway here’s my vine compilation

Fuck, Millennials are fucking hilarious

I always feel better about youths after a good vine comp.

t-t-t-t-t-target!!!!!

“Do you speak any Japanese?”

“I’m Chinese I don’t speak any-”

“‘Cause if you do, I’ll sleep with you right now.”

“MITSUBISHI, TOYOTA”

“Bitch cone get me, not only is he ugly but his dishes talk!” “Who you talking to Belle?” “Uh… No one…. bitch that was his plate!”