here we go buddy here we go buddy here we go

the concept of 'sperm whale' is so fucking funny. these prudish victorians found a gigantic, terrifying sea-beast, and, discovering it was full of a thick, oily substance, immediately went 'is this fucking Cum???' and started fueling everything with it. they thought their whole sexually repressed society was running on the monstrous cum harvested by deadly expeditions to the black, icy sea. what kind of immaculate neuroses they must have had.

Idk enough about the etymology of the name Sperm Whale to know if this is actually where it comes from but the idea is funny enough to me to actually just roll with it.

You will be delighted to know that yes, this is exactly where the name comes from.

To quote the wikipedia page-

So yeah, they thought it’s head was full of semen and named it as such.

My favorite quote from any movie critic ever is from Roger Ebert, who once said “The Borg Queen looks like no notion of sexy I have ever heard of, but inspires me to keep an open mind”

i thought this was a joke, but. uh. nope.

Gute sheep/gutefår, an old Swedish sheep breed. Värmland, Sweden (May 13, 2018).

first 5 faceless emojis are how your summers gonna go

Magnus Archives fan I see

THIS IS SO FUNNY I'M SORRY

American dipper (Cinclus mexicanus)

really love these two replies in particular

"If stuff was just handed to me I'd have no motivation to do anything! That's human nature!" No, babe, that's depression. Psychologically healthy people are still motivated to do things even when their survival isn't being actively threatened.

[Image description: tweet by Roxi Horror @roxiqt on March 30, 2022 at 11:13 AM: “’Oh, so you think everyone should just be handed enough money to live?’ lol. lmao. yeah.”]

okay so like, we all know that housekeeping in a hotel is a Shit Job, right?

I worked with a woman who was independently wealthy. But she liked working housekeeping. So she did. And if the manager got bitchy with her, she’d just shrug and be like “Okay, I can quit.”

Like the manager treated her like a human being because she knew she had to because otherwise she’d lose one of her best workers.

Yes, everyone should be just handed the money to live.

I worked with a lady who’s husband made more than enough to support them both.  She just did the retail to have something to do with herself part-time.

There’s a lot of people who’d happily do the same sort of thing.  Honestly?  A lot of the jobs we consider “shitty” jobs?  Are shitty because the employees are treated like garbage.

If employees weren’t being screwed over by people higher up the chain constantly or being forced to kiss the asses of customers currently shitting all over them, those jobs would by and large be a whole lot more bearable, and appealing to more people!!

Plus rich people are just handed a lot of money, whether they earn it or not, and no one questions that. Only poor people getting money gets interrogated over and over and over again.

I’d like to add a footnote to this thread that the US gives more money (by way of the income tax reduction) to homeowners than it does to poor people who need subsidized housing.

Doodled these at the speed of light after highschool-

Based on this.

2 Sumatran tiger cubs were just born at the Memphis Zoo which is awesome bc they are critically endangered and also I am losing my mind over this image of the cubs and their mom. The babies’ tails make a heart….

carrying all the groceries up so my wife doesnt have to

i bought that for my wife

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

teach this in schools

Some spider attack animations~

interesting fact i have titanium in my spine

(shrugs) well i have to be brave

shadow the hedgehog #girl thursday

I hateee the "Mandela effect" no dude alternative universes ain't shit its just humans have piss porn memory get over it

"forgetting Pikachu's tail color is proof the universes are crossing over 😳" do you think aliens built the pyramids too

Hey uh I think your phone auto corrected poor to uh

You know how it is

op came from the piss porn universe