sorry i unpacked all my trauma do you still wanna kiss

Misconceptions About Tommyinnit’s Character That Genuinely INFURIATE Me

Since the recent events following the second L’Manburg Festival and subsequent war, I’ve seen many, many hot takes surrounding the nature of Tommyinnit’s character on the SMP. Some of which annoyed me to the point where I felt compelled to sit down and actually write this. I’m going to only be highlighting the most common complaints or questions I’ve seen, one by one, in hopes of providing a better understanding of Tommy’s character for anyone interested. (I also briefly discuss Techno and Tubbo’s characters as well.)

If you’ve said similar things to what I’m going to be discussing below, please know that it’s perfectly understandable how you’d come to these conclusions. Some of these aspects of Tommy’s character are not always obvious; especially if being watched from another streamer’s POV. This may become quite lengthy, so bear with me for now.

“Tommy’s motives are all over the place. He can’t decide whether he wants the discs back or not.”

Tommy is actually one of the most motivationally consistent characters on the entire Dream SMP. Even Techno, someone completely confident in their ideals, does more motivational flipping than Tommy. From the very start of the story, Tommy has always cared for three things; L’Manburg, Tubbo, and his music discs. However, him caring for something is not itself a motivation. 

Surprisingly enough, his motivation isn’t even just, ‘Get my discs back,’ like many assume it is. Tommy’s one true motivation, since the end of the Independence War, has always been, ‘Keep things the way they are now.’ 

Tommy’s one fatal flaw is that he is resistant to change and refuses to let go of the past. This is seen through all of his actions and words; in all conflicts involving him. This flaw is the drive to all of Tommy’s mistakes. Burning down George’s house, an action which resulted in him getting exiled, was done out of a desire to pull pranks the way he used to before the first war. His friendship with Ranboo started because Tommy said he reminded him of Tubbo, back before he was President. 

Tommy still talks highly of Wilbur because he chooses to remember him as the wise, kind mentor who cared for him. This motive is the reason he defends L’Manburg so fiercely; it’s his memory of a better past. This is why he holds grudges more often than any other character; especially refusing to forgive Techno after he killed Tubbo during the Manburg Massacre.

It’s why Tommy falls under extreme distress whenever Tubbo or Quackity tell him that something will never be the same again. This motivation is entirely formed from an underlying desire for peace and comfort, something Tommy has been denied since being forced into a life wrought with war and death. To accept change, to Tommy, is painful and terrifying. But he will only ever truly be happy when he finally learns to let go.

“Why do the discs matter so much to Tommy? They’re not actually worth anything.”

Tommy’s discs are much more than just any ordinary pair of music discs. They were never important for their material worth, but for what Tommy was willing to sacrifice in order to keep them. Tommy is entirely what gives the discs their value. 

Tommy also commonly operates under the Sunk-Cost Fallacy, wherein he’s invested too much of himself into something to just abandon it, even if it’s causing him problems. This mentality is a huge piece of what keeps him tied to both L’Manburg and to his discs. He’s sacrificed too much at this point to simply let them go. If he admits the discs are worthless, then he’s admitting that he wasted all this time and effort, just to keep them.

The discs also act as a constant source of hope for Tommy because they are directly tied with his motivations as a character. They’re something he’s had since the very beginning. They’re something he used to listen to with Tubbo on their shared bench. 

To Tommy, they symbolize a life before war, filled with comfort and peace. They are a love letter to his country and his late mentor Wilbur. They are a physical representation of Tubbo’s companionship. They are the only thing, besides L’Manburg and his best friend, that gives him the hope that he can one day return things to the way they used to be. 

This ideal, paired with Tommy’s refusal to let go, has left him ruthlessly pursuing the things he’s lost. Not his music discs, but his peace and comfort, his friendship, his country, his mentor Wilbur, and his life before war.

In his desperation to hold onto his prized possession, it has only hurt and pushed away the people that love him. If Tommy continues to ignore this reality, while still refusing to resolve his major flaw entwined with it, he will lose all that the discs had once stood for. He will lose his country, then his friend Tubbo, and then he will lose himself.

“Tommy never grows or learns from his mistakes. This makes him a badly written character.”

Characters do not have to constantly learn from their actions to be well-written. Tommy is one of the best examples of this. The fact that his growth is infrequent is the entire point of his character; it’s completely stemmed from his fatal flaw. 

By addressing himself, he would be accepting change, something that terrifies him; something he stubbornly resists until he is absolutely forced to confront it. Contrary to popular belief, Tommy knows when he makes mistakes, but he pretends to be ignorant as to avoid facing reality. He digs his head in the sand despite knowing better, puppeteering the person he used to be during happier times, now gone.

In spite of his infrequent growth, the idea that Tommy still hasn’t learned anything isn’t quite correct either. Tommy, as of the last three plot streams, has shown incredible character development. By giving up his discs again, he had finally demonstrated that Tubbo is more important to him than his possessions. Speaking as a makeshift leader, he put aside his issues with others to rally them together against a common threat, something which Tommy had never been able to do before. He owned up to all of his mistakes openly, apologizing to everyone he’s ever hurt in one place. 

He apologized to Tubbo after they were reunited and came to terms with the fact that Tubbo was forced to exile him without choice, finally forgiving him. He was kind to Sapnap and learned how to be his friend after months of bitter rivalry. And these are only a few examples. This isn’t to say Tommy has overcome/fixed everything because he clearly hasn’t. There are still major things Tommy needs to work through that remain unaddressed, the biggest being his complicated relationship with Technoblade.

“Tommy only cares about himself. He does everything in his power to be the hero, always putting himself in the center of attention, especially during Doomsday.”

Tommy, since the start of the L’Manburg War for Independence, has never set out to be a hero. Not once. He may fall into the role of the protagonist, but his identity as a hero was pushed onto him by others. Giving up the discs was his only option during the Independence War. 

So when Wilbur called him a hero for it, Tommy said he didn’t feel like he was. During the November 16th War, Tommy again said he didn’t feel like a hero because he had lost what he thought was everything at the time. During exile, Tommy certainly knew he was no hero. And upon reuniting with Tubbo, he admitted to feeling like the farthest thing from it. That he’d hurt everyone and all he wanted to do now was fix it. 

The day before Doomsday, Tommy only took a leadership position because no one else was willing to, filling the role for Tubbo, who was crumbling under pressure. He had no choice but to try to bring everyone together, or fight alone. Most viewers never saw this during Doomsday, but before the battle, almost everyone who had vowed to fight alongside L’Manburg had abandoned them the very next day. They were convinced it was going to be destroyed either way, no matter what they did, so they chose not to see it through to the end; ultimately leaving Tommy and those who remained to fight a losing battle, alone. 

After about a third of the way through the battle, it became clear to everyone that they could do nothing to win. One by one, everyone stopped fighting and stood by to watch their country go up in smoke. Tommy was the only person on the battlefield who refused to stand down and give up. And so he took over the role as leader again, trying his best to keep them alive, to keep Tubbo hopeful; to keep fighting, no matter what. 

However, what most people don’t realize, is that this isn’t Tommy trying to be a hero or force himself into the spotlight. This is Tommy trying to convince himself to keep going. Because whenever things start to look hopeless, Tommy simply chooses to ignore them. He puts on a happy face and soldiers through it because that’s all he knows how to do. Tommy, at his core, is someone who wants peace through stagnation. He doesn’t want to fight, although causing the occasional friendly conflict is how he finds fun. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt others. 

Tommy may come across as self-centered, but this is because he is an extremely extroverted character. He finds energy and joy in the attention of others, both good and bad. It’s why he’s always seeking the approval of others and, oftentimes, will destructively insert himself into another person’s life in order to find it. 

Out of every character in the story, Tommy is the most drawn to praise and positive reinforcement. He is constantly seeking out mentors and friends because Tommy needs someone else to help him feel confident in his own identity and abilities. It’s why Wilbur was such a positive influence on him. His boisterous confidence has always been a front because if anyone were to actually hurt him, he knows it will make his self-esteem crumble instantly. 

This is part of why Dream’s manipulation was so effective against him. By isolating him, he’s left without energy and looking to another person’s guidance. Tommy outwardly may seem independent and rude, but just under the skin, he’s unconfident and lost when he’s by himself. Tommy will only grow from this flaw when he finds his own identity and inner confidence; when he finally learns to be okay with being alone.

“Tommy goes to the festival solely to get his disc back and then tells Tubbo to give it away immediately after. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Before the screaming match between the two friends during the second L’Manburg Festival, Tommy had been in exile, manipulated by Dream for long enough to lose his will to carry on. It is because of him that Tommy’s reality becomes distorted, long after fleeing from his abuser. This mangling of ideals leads Tommy to subconsciously believe that L’Manburg and Tubbo are unsalvageable. 

Therefore, the only thing he has hopes of retrieving are his discs, which are easier to manage than the latter two things. And so Tommy does reprehensible things at the behest of Techno in a vain hope of getting them back, going so far as to kidnap and torture for them. This ultimately culminates in a confrontation between the ex-friends, quickly turning violent. It is in this violence that we see Tommy has sunk to his absolute lowest point in his journey. 

Swinging his axe, he nearly kills his friend as he delivers a string of words that cause the room to silence instantly. He says the discs were always worth more than his friend. Within the quiet of the room, Tommy is forced to reflect on everything he’s done. How he kidnapped and tortured Connor. How he accidentally drowned Fundy. How he traumatized Ranboo. 

And now he’s hurt Tubbo, the one person he has always sought to protect; someone he vowed to never hurt. This realization causes Tommy to break. He’s so ashamed of himself that he can’t look at anyone. Tommy knows now that he is worse than anyone he’s ever hated. 

With pain in his voice, he tries and fails to apologize to Tubbo in the moment. The only way he knows to redeem himself now is to prove to Tubbo, after everything, that he can still put the discs aside. And so he does.

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I'm just thinking about how fucking painful it must've been for Eiji to say goodbye to his friends at the airport and not have Ash be there.

They've been to Hell and back and Eiji just wants to take Ash to Japan so he can be safe with him. Like FUCK BRO

The HEARTACHE. His stomach dropping and stress building up because once he steps foot on the plane, he won't know what Ash would be doing. Where he would be. Whether or not he was being followed again.

And that moment that Ash is:

And Eiji is:

EIJI KNOWS SOMETHING IS WRONG

But all he could do was hold onto to the hope that Ash was okay and would be waiting for him 😭

How to surreptitiously stretch within reach of kisses 

(via)

@eijispumpkin Bunny Eiji “discreetly” asking for kisses

can't stop thinking abt eiji needing his daily dose of hugs and kisses from his bf so he goes to ash, who's reading on the couch, and snuggles right on top of him, with no warning, which makes it impossible for ash to keep reading.

The first time Eiji noticed it was when it was family night with the Glenreeds. Max was basically eating the deck as the entire table turn against him in UNO.

"This is totally unfair," he muttered, holding up his twenty-something cards.

Everyone laughed in response, Ash covering his mouth and turning his head away from the others. Eiji raised an eyebrow but didn't think much of it.

The second time this occurred was when Shorter attempted to create some foreign recipe (which he sore he got from his grandmother) and he nearly burned down the restaurant kitchen. Ash, Eiji and Skip were laughing for hours as they watched Nadia hold a broomstick threateningly and made her brother clean the kitchen.

Ash lower his head and laughed into this lap the entire time, not knowing that Eiji was curious about that.

♪

It was early morning when Eiji woke up to find Ash drawing hearts on his stomach. Grunting a little, Eiji turned Ash's attention over to him.

"Good morning," Eiji smiled.

"'orning," whispered back the blond, who pressed himself into Eiji further. "How'd ya sleep?"

"Pretty good, and you?"

"Alright I guess."

Eiji brushed a hand through his hair. "Any weird dreams?"

Ash turned to look at him. "Like what?"

"I dreamed about Shorter turning into a Tako and trying to tickle us to death."

A snort ruptured from Ash. "A what?"

"Um...," Eiji bit his lip. "The eight armed thing, in the ocean."

Giggles bubbled from the blond's chest. "You mean an octopus?"

"That's it!"

Ash sucked his head down into Eiji stomach and laughed hard. "Eiji come on, really?"

"You say that as if I could control my dreams." Eiji poked Ash's head. "Why do you do that?"

The change in tone caused the blond to stop and look at him. "Do what?"

"Duck your head down. You always duck away when you smile and laugh.”

Ash pursed his bottom lip before pushing himself up to look at Eiji better. "I don't really know. It's something I always did."

Eiji reached out and gently placed a hand on Ash's cheek. "I think you should smile more, okay? I like your smile."

Ash found himself smiling unironically.

eiji in canon: compassionate and caring despite repeated exposure to violence and trauma, willing to do what it takes to protect those he loves but overall not a violent person (even to those who have wronged him), excited to bring ash home with him to show him a life of peace 

some of the people on this website: YEAH my favorite banana fish character is *looks at smudged writing on hand* edgy o'camera

“You’ve kissed me like fifty times today," Ash stated, cheek pressed by Eiji lips. He shifted on the sofa as to stop his book from poking his leg. "Particular occasion?"

"Nope, I just felt like it," the boy smiled, full of sunshine and rainbows as always.

Ash hummed as his boyfriend walked to the kitchen. "Oh and Eiji?"

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you sleep last night?"

Eiji froze, hand hanging inches from the fridge, slightly sweating. "What are you taking about?"

"I'm talking about why you didn't sleep."

Eiji shook his head and grabbed the carton of milk and some sugar. "Ash how would you know? You were snoring by 9 pm."

"Eiji, you're trying to cover your insomnia with all those kisses," Ash closed his book entirely. "You've been doing it for days."

"Not true!"

Ash rubbed his cheek and showed Eiji the pale blush foundation. "This keeps rubbing off when you kiss me."

Eiji sighed, placing everything back in the fridge before trudging over to Ash and sitting down next to him.

"Did something happen at home?"

He shook his head.

"Are you eating enough? Kong and Bones was supposed to-"

"It's not that," Eiji whispered, gaze hanging.

Ash thought hard for a moment. "Could it be..." He didn't want to say it. He really didn't want to say it.

"Ash no, it's not you," Eiji assured him, taking his hands. "It's just been a rough couple of nights, okay?"

Ash has heard that excuse before, he's even used it once or twice. Nightmares.

That would make sense. Eiji's been through more traumatic experiences in NYC this past week than probably what most Japanese teens went through in their lifetimes.

Ash placed a hand on Eiji's head and eased it onto his lap. He wasn't very good at this; normally the roles were reversed. However, he wanted to know Eiji was okay, or will be okay.

He caressed the black locks, humming a tune that rested in the back of his mind along with his childhood. He felt Eiji relax into him, all the stress of the past week melting away slowly.

"Ash I-"

"Shush," the blond whispered. "It's okay. You're always helping me, let me help you."

"But..."

"Mhm?"

Eiji shook his head. "Never...mind..."

Soon, the elder drifted to asleep.

Ash and Eiji episode 22

Look at Ash here. He is shocked by his own reaction. It wasn’t voluntary response to Cain just being worried. Ash might have saved himself again, but Foxx did manage to mess him up pretty good - exploiting Ash’s worst trauma and wounds.

It’s clear that something’s wrong with the incredible Ash. While Sing just looks confused, Jessica and Eiji put two and two together. Eiji understands from what he knows about Ash’s vulnerbilities and nightmares and Jessica has her own experience. But even when you know what’s going on, doesn’t mean you know what to do about it. Ash isn’t even in a condition to accept help…plus what can you actually do for him, to make him feel better?

Eiji knows he can’t do all that much. He can’t protect Ash from danger, he can’t take revange for him or heal him. But he can do this - he can offer some precious little moments of comfort. He can make Ash feel safe, loved and…just be there.

He is the only person Ash would accept comfort from, and the best one to give it. There aren’t words to make it better. It’s a delicate situation, where even the best intentions can bring the worst results. But this is Eiji - gentle, caring Eiji who apprently knows exaclty what to do, when it comes to giving Ash the love he needs. 

Every time I see the rope burns on his neck, I get mad all over again

u ever just take a nap and want to draw your boys takin’ a nap too (i don’t seem to have energy or attention span to work on an Actual Drawing so please tolerate my doodles for now 😵) please do not reupload my artwork without my credit or permission

The best thing about matcha blossom is how they are exactly opposite of each other, but also exactly opposite of how you’d expect them to be.

Joe looks like a cool hardass but is instead a soft, smitten, loving guy who would do anything for those around him and really doesn’t have a problem showing it.

Cherry looks like he’d be quiet and sweet and in fact Cherry is so stubborn that he will drop dead if he experiences one (1) emotion that isn’t absolute frustration with Joe. The moment Cherry admits he loves Joe? He will drop dead on the spot. And he’d prefer it that way.

What was my personality like before Banana Fish? I don't remember what I did with my life before this

EIJI “why would a powerful gang leader, genius and the most beautiful person ever fall in love with me” OKUMURA pining for ASH “how can I make the prettiest, naive Japanese boy mine forever” LYNX

how tf did ash manage to keep his lips away from eiji's forehead throughout the whole series????? and not kiss him or hug him more or praise him??? like?????????? eiji is right there!!!! go give him sum love, you dickhead!!

ash would wake up every night when he feels eiji is not holding. he sees his boyfriend sleeping with his back at him and still wakes him up, by turning him carefully, whispering "hold me, please." eiji is like wtf man at first but he quickly becomes aware of the situation and wraps his arms more tightly around ash.

"Even a text back gets me so happy, that’s what you do to me"

"I miss you." Ash whines, curled up in bed because time zones were a bitch and he only got a chance to call Eiji at nearly midnight.

Eiji's laughter is like a melody. "Aw, I miss you too. But it hasn't even been that long since I left!"

"It's been two months." Ash reminds him, because two months is far too long and not even a fraction of how long they have to wait until they can see each other. Eiji laughs again and Ash can't even be mad because he's listening to Eiji's voice instead of having to imagine it over text.

"Soon, sweetie." Eiji promises. "I can't believe you miss me so much."

"If only you know just how much I miss you." Ash thinks. "Even a text back gets me so happy, that’s what you do to me."

"Well, soon you'll get to see me every single day." Eiji says and god, does Ash wish the day will come sooner. "You won't be able to get rid of me!"

"I wouldn't mind as long as there's no natto."

"Well," Ash can hear the smile in Eiji's voice, "that's too bad because it's gonna be your first meal in Japan!"

"You wouldn't dare."

"I thought you missed me so much you wouldn't care."

Ash whines again and mutters goodnight as Eiji keeps laughing and quickly says aishiteru before he hangs up.

ma'am please i'm happy to think about them being in love and happy bc i can't afford these things

Remember this (how can you not)

What I love so much about this is not just Eiji's love and loyalty, nor is it just Ash's expression of "dang, he really do like me frfr"

It's the "that is, if you don't mind" part.

Even while declaring love and devotion, Eiji is STILL seeking Ash's consent and always letting him know that, with Eiji, he always has a choice.

It reminds me of the scene where Ash vows to protect Eiji (episode 18)

And the hospital scene in episode 23

In both situations, I was expecting Ash to make physical contact with Eiji; maybe touching his hair or face or something sweet like that. But he doesn't! And it could be his usual "I don't wanna taint him with my evil hands" self-loathing, but I also think it could be that, even though his touch would most likely be welcomed by Eiji, he probably didn't want to touch him without his permission or consent.

This also makes me wonder if he felt bad about The Kiss, since he didn't ask Eiji's permission, and they weren't even familiar enough with each other at that point for him to take a chance like that, plus it was so public. I do appreciate the anime version of it, because, at the very least, he was a bit more tender about it, and gave Eiji somewhat of an out to reject it

As opposed to the manga where he just grabbed his face and kissed him

Anyhoo, I just wanted to touch on how important consent is with these two, especially in a series where majority of the villains are like "Consent??