Im ashamed to admit this, but i need help. Every time i see someone with a great relationship with God, i cant help but to feel a little jealous and i dont know why? I dont want to feel jealous. I love Jesus but i always find myself stumbling and failing Him and i hate myself for it. I know i shouldnt be focused on others peoples relationship with God and worry about my own but i just wonder what im doing wrong? I want to be close to Him. I cry about it.

Hey beloved.

Don’t be ashamed, love, it takes a lot of courage to admit when we’re at fault and I’m glad you spoke up about your situation. I’m also glad that you know those emotions aren’t correct and that they don’t have a place in your life. But I do wanna remind you that you’re very human and humans are really good at making mistakes and failing and doing stuff we aren’t supposed to (it’s a talent). I’m the same way, I recently wrote a post about how my faith differs from other people’s faith, it’s not a bad thing at all; how you walk with Jesus might not be how I walk with Jesus, and that’s okay. As long as we’re both walking with Him we’re good!

Did you know a lot of the disciples were jealous of one another? That Paul and Peter bickered? That John and Peter compared titles? (Notice a Peter-shaped trend here?). That’s not to encourage it but I just wanted you to see that what you’re going through isn’t isolated to just you. Some of the most influential, on-fire apostles went through this; but what they learned and what you need to grab onto is that you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to have moments where you’re jealous, where you’ll be mad at yourself for not being ‘as good’ as someone else, where you’re frustrated with how much ‘better’ their walk seems to be. My question to you is: are you going to let those emotions stand between you and Jesus? He isn’t disappointed in you, He’s looking at you saying, Beloved I’m right here! Don’t look at them, look at me and be satisfied. 

When those thoughts arise I encourage you to admit them to God (He already knows you thought it), be honest with Him, let Him hold you as you cry, and let it encourage you to seek Him the way He designed you to. Your relationship with Jesus is completely unique to you, mine is completely unique to me, and so on. As long as we’re loving one another and building each other up in love then nothing else matters. 

You are very loved, and we’ll be praying for you!

-31 Women (Nan)

I keep failing God and I wish I was dead. Why does He still want me if I keep making these stupid mistakes?

Hey love! “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” ‭‭(1 John‬ ‭4:10‬)‬‬God’s love for you isn’t dependent on how many mistakes you do or don’t make. God loves you simply because that’s who He is! Jesus didn’t tally up all your righteous deeds before deciding whether or not to die for you, He saw you before you were even born and loved you. Even though He could see every mistake, every failure, every bad day He looked to you, beloved, and said “That’s who I want.” If you were the only person to ever make it to Heaven and accept Christ, He still would have done it. He loves you not your ability to be righteous. Always aim for righteousness and always seek to be more like Jesus but know that His love isn’t dependent on that. He adores you because of who He is not because of what you can do. His love and grace are limitless and unconditional; take peace in that lovely. Jesus loves you, and wants you, every day. We love you too and we’ll be praying for you! -31 Women (Nan)