“i’m gonna raise, raise hell,
there’s a story no one tells,
you gotta raise, oh raise hell”
lyrics from raise hell by brandi carlile
no girl in the world has EVER wanted to be housewifed up as bad as evan buckley
both of them were saying a lot of words but not actually listening to what the other wasn’t saying
been dissecting the differences between buck and eddie's jealousy with @danielsousa and we cracked the code: eddie is jealous. buck is possessive. hear us out. their jealousy manifests in very different ways, but buck's isn't as subtle as it seems. in fact, where eddie's obviousness is there for all to see, its a very passive jealousy, a snarky go team in the background, the most active we've seen eddie's jealousy is in scenes like when he interrupts buck and taylor in dosed or the dinner scene in outside looking in. but buck's quiet jealousy is much more active, he jumps into eddie's love life at every opportunity, inserting himself into the conversation whether its actively encouraging eddie to break up with ana or telling a stranger about eddie blowing it with her first time around or advocating for eddie to ghost vanessa. but there's more to it than that. eddie is jealous, buck is possessive. eddie is the guy who never feels like he's enough, buck is the guy always terrified of being left. eddie's jealousy is a reaction to buck deeming someone besides him enough, buck's possession is a knee-jerk reaction to the possibility of losing eddie. eddie is jealous, he's bitchy, he's politely hostile, he doesn't try very hard to hide his dislike for buck's partners, he glares, he interrupts, etc. buck is possessive, when eddie's love life is being discussed buck always makes a point to bring himself into it somehow, whether its claiming eddie as his like in merry ex-mas with the awkard "brother", or whether he's proving that he knows eddie better than anyone, that he'll know eddie better than anyone he dates like in performance anxiety with the "oh you're not good at that" exchange. eddie is jealous of buck's partners in a way that makes it hard to deny what it is he feels for buck, but eddie represses that jealousy so hard that it simmers and seethes and comes out in those deliciously bitchy ways. buck is possessive of eddie because eddie is his best friend, a constant in his life, and whenever eddie is dating he has less time for buck. so: eddie is loudly jealous, buck is quietly possessive.
The love he has for them is embedded in his sunshine smiles.
Eddie Diaz has been radiating such a giddy energy around Buck these past two episodes. The way he smiles and looks at him and giggles and plans shenanigans and goes out with him and hangs out at his place…
I’m not even talking from a shipper googles perspective tbh. There’s just such a delighted energy about Eddie lately, like every time he looks at him he’s reminded that his best friend is here!!! He is alive!!! They get to spend more time together!! To be silly!!! To laugh and scheme and act a little dumb like Eddie only does with him!!!
He looks like his whole chest is going to burst with sheer delight that Buck is still here and alive.
Eddie we got that for 3 minutes and 17 seconds you lived in nightmare, but maybe it's time to do something with your man? Like ask him on a real date and then bent him over his kitchen island?
If you can’t reblog this, unfollow me now.
soft-petey
it’s fucking disgusting that i just lost 6 followers
EDDIE DOES REMEMBER BUCK
Aka Eddie’s “oh” momemt
Cuz we all know there was so much more in between, right? The staring, the reaching, the desperation, the physical contact. That was probably their most intimate moment to date. He remembers a searing pain as he looks at Buck. He remembers falling while holding his gaze on Buck. And he thought this was the last moment of his life which he spends reaching out for him. But what about the whole ass scene in the firetruck on the way to the hospital that Eddie claims to not remember???
Some have indicated that Buck was wearing the same shirt in his coma dream from the shooting. There actually was an earlier cue of it’s significance. In 5x01, the only indication of Eddie’s panic attacks that didn't directly involve Ana (cued by the music) was seeing a man knocked out, with a similar shirt (& facial structure) as Buck. The same Buck from the shooting specifically, where he was in so much pain that he couldn't think clearly and thought Buck was the one who was shot. This is an important detail I'll get back to momentarily.
Eddie looks away whenever he lies/doesn’t want to confront his feelings, avoiding eye contact when the conversation gets too real. Buck looked him dead in his face in 5x11 and said he doesn’t have to pretend with him, and Eddie walked away. Where Eddie spent 4x14 looking at nothing BUT Buck, in 6x11 he can’t even glance at him. This is important. Eddie is the only one who doesn’t visit Buck on his own time. He doesn’t want to deal with his feelings over the situation. It’s just all too familiar. This is the exact same setup as Shannon. Only now it’s Buck, and he’s actually dead too.
In 6x10 his fears eventually become a reality. Eddie suddenly has to picture a world without Buck, & he didn’t like it. We finally got Eddie screaming for Buck in the same way the ladder does, & it was brutal. Way different from a regular friend being worried. The calm compitent Eddie Diaz was frantically pulling Buck towards him knowing the effort was useless, shoving his captain out the way to reach him, yelling at doctors to do more????
The writers portrayed a hypothetical that if Buck never met Eddie, he would have lost everything. He would have been deemed unfit to be a firefighter and a single father, eventually losing both. Eddie is aware of the impact Buck has on him & all the things he's done for him. Eddie is aware of his feelings for Buck but doesn’t want to take the time to realize what that means for him. Which is why he omits. Cuz you see, Eddie's panic attacks weren't really about Ana. I mean yeah they were triggered by her, but it wasn't really the thought of being married to Ana, it was the thought of losing Buck. Committing to a relationship with Ana means that the fantasy he envisions with Buck can never come to light. He then decides to cut ties with her with encouragement from Buck. That then leaves the question, why now?? It seemed like Eddie & Ana were doing fine? Why is he suddenly having doubts?
The Shooting. As May said in Eddie's presence in 5x15, it took a near-death experience to appreciate what (he) actually had & is encouraged to not hide WHO HE IS. Because of heteronormativity, Eddie spends Season 4 chasing a relationship he never really wanted just so Chris could have a mother figure, failing to realize he can satisfy both their needs with Buck. Eddie didn't start getting panic attacks until after he got shot, where the main vision he had in those moments was of the one he wanted most, Buck. Dying now meant that he could never have Buck, so he spends the last moments of his life reaching for him. That's why one of Eddie's first triggers is of the white-shirt man along with Ana. He remembers.
So about the whole Eddie does or does not remember the shooting thing
I don't think he remembers everything. At least not consciously. When he was shot, his body and brain inevitably went into shock and tried to shut down to preserve life. So it's very likely that there are spots where he doesn't remember anything.
But I do think he remembers more than he told Buck he did. And likely more than he thinks he does. Because here's the thing. Trauma is messy and healing isn't linear. We know that Eddie has been working on processing all of this with Frank. We also had him outright state that he allows himself to really feel it to do so.
So his brain may not actually remember everything about that day. But his body does. He may not see it in vivid detail, but his arm would remember reaching out to Buck. His mouth would remember forming the words "are you okay?". His eyes would remember staring into blue the whole time.
His brain might never fully unlock all of those details. But Eddie knows that he had Buck there with him and that's good enough for now.
So yeah, I don't think he consciously remembers everything from the shooting. But are you really gonna look at this face
And tell me that the rest of him doesn't?
“Then I thought, this is it. This is the last moment of my life and then I saw you”
— Eddie Diaz to Evan Buckley