in 2020

it’s going to be 420

for a whole month

*touches the ground*

this…. a relic…

….a relic of a more hopeful time

Date of Origin: circa May 9, 2015

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

Amazon once threw a package at my door and then took a photo while it was midair. Not sure where that fits in this schema but I did want to tell y’all about it.

I—

She is out there in Maine

Percy: If anything goes wrong, fake a heart attack.

Will: What are we thinking? The classic angina? Or something sexier, like a myocardial infarction?

Nico: Just drop on the ground and wiggle.

apparently robert pattinson’s trainors have been practically begging him to work out during quarantine and he has decided not to

had a dream i died and this was my headstone

Scott: farming awws

Quackity: here is how you can ruin Wilbur Soot's life

The teenager at my job is so funny, she jokingly asked how my break was after I came back from the bathroom and after I said "can't a bitch change their pad in peace?" She said "a real nine to fiver would get a hysterectomy." There was no hesitation, no gap between what I said and what she said

[ID: A meme with Bob from The Incredibles. The first image is labeled "Discovering a new species as a:" The first half is labeled "biologist" and shows Bob smiling confidently in full color. The second half is labeled "scuba diver" and is in black and white, putting Bob's now haunted face heavily in shadow. Below that is a stretched and corrupted version of the scared-looking Bob labeled "astronaut." The second image is a shadowed version of the corrupted Bob, shadowing his eyes completely, labeled "surgeon." End ID]

hozier’s music is literally blues-inspired. have you heard the crunchy as hell bass on be? hes never actually been cottagecore bogman he’s just, like, a guy who makes good music

mel blanc fuckign yelling

Hargreeves House Masterpost

So sometimes you’re just there watching Umbrella Academy and you think “Hey, this is a really big confusing house, it would help to have a map of it!”, but no one’s done that so you have to (and also you’re a trivia nerd who wants to).

There will be a couple inconsistencies with certain parts of the show because the house wasn’t all filmed on one location, so those inconsistencies are in the show itself, but I’ve done my best to be as accurate as possible with as much of the show as possible

This is gonna get long, so I’ll put it under the cut

Keep reading

“Anatomy of a Hug” by Luna Lu

Fun family story: when my aunt was marrying her wife everyone was really excited but also dreading it because my aunt is known for her insanely long speeches so everyone knew her vows would be like 9 hours long so when it came time for her to say her vows she had a shit ton of cue cards in her hands and even her wife started groaning and my aunt took a deep inhale and then unravelled all the cue cards which were taped together and they all just read ‘HOT DAMN’ in giant letters and those were my aunts vows.

And now since I officially have permission to use this photo

GET FUCKED