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diaries of a sickly kid

@thinappeaaal

| sw:155 cw:168 ugw:105? | 5'7 | 22y/o | ana/mia | please don't report just block, this is my safe space

I CAN EAT LATER, i don't have to eat rn, i can do it later, and when i eat, I'll eat in small portions, slowly, so that i dont end up binging, ill drink a ton of water, and walk a lot.

i can always eat this or that. later, food doesn't dissappear, it can be replicated, the recipes, i dont have to eat something i can eat any day i want, its not the only time im gonna have the chance to eat it, i can always eat it at another time.

im doing well so far. I am not eating, and i wont eat, i wont eat, i wont eat, i won't eat.

reasons / motivation for me to lose weight.
  1. to prove my biological family wrong, especially my mother.
  2. to finally get rid of this disgusting stomach, fat arms and face, rolls and thighs.
  3. no more having to spend more money on larger articles of clothing and saving money when i buy s/xs/xxs.
  4. smaller clothing is way cuter than the larger clothes.
  5. to show my ex that he fucked up when he cheated on me, i’m no longer the fat girl he cheated on. i’ll be the skinny girl he’ll never be able to get back.
  6. save more money, the less food i eat/buy = more money i’ll have. can’t spend money of food if you don’t even eat it.
  7. to make the voice in my head that’s been terrorizing me for 14 year stfu when i finally reach my ugw.
  8. to step on the scale everyday and see it 2-3 lbs less than it was the day before.
  9. for the whisper “does she even eat?” “wow she used to be so big i wonder how she did it” “holy fuck she looks perfect” instead of “holy shit she got big” “do you see her stomach poking out of her shirt”
  10. i want to scare people. scare them so bad for how they treated me when i was fat. i want them to wonder if they pushed me to death with how much weight i lost.
  11. being the dainty, small girl in my adoptive family instead of the plump, fat girl who keeps to herself because she’s embarrassed about her size.
  12. people posting me as their thinspo one day instead of the time i was posted as fatspo.
  13. to be the girl in the thinspo stories instead of the meanspo.
  14. to feel good enough to live.
  15. not having to worry about getting on the elevator with weight limits or rides and be told i’m “too big to ride”
  16. when i go out to eat i can order something i want and eat it without feeling insecure, since i am skinny enough to eat what i want.
  17. post pictures on social media without over analyzing every single picture and finding multiple flaws in it, like a double chin or how my neck is turned where you see rolls on it.
  18. when people take off guard pictures i won’t have to worry about how big i look since i’d be super small.
  19. when it’s over crowded in a car, i can just sit on a lap or be in the middle since i’d be skinny enough to do so.
  20. being effortless to pick up and carry.
  21. getting drunk/high wayyy easier.
  22. not being afraid to get naked anymore.
  23. to being thrown like a ragdoll during 🤭 if you get what i mean and not having to worry about what position makes me look like a whale.
  24. no more rolls or double chins.

My favorite low-cal substitutes and options! All under 50 calories.

Feel free to add to this! I didn’t include everything out there :)

Drinks 🧋

  • 0 cal - herbal tea 🫖
  • 0 cal - green tea 🍵
  • 0 cal - water flavoring like Mio
  • 0 cal - Diet Coke 🥤
  • 0 cal - pretty much any diet soda
  • 2 cal - Black Coffee ☕️
  • 2 cal - black tea
  • 10 cal - monster ultra (I like paradise and fiesta especially)
  • 20 cal - other sugar free energy drinks
  • 39 cal - shot of sake 🍶

Breakfast (snacks, smoothies, etc)

  • 25 cal - 1 large egg white 🍳
  • 32 cal - 100g Strawberries (~50 cal per cup) 🍓
  • 40 cal - 1/4 c low fat cottage cheese 🦴
  • 42 cal - 1 kiwi 🥝
  • 42 cal - 84 g (1 thick slice) pineapple 🍍
  • 47 cal - 154g (1 c) watermelon 🍉
  • 50 cal - 1/2 grapefruit 🍊
  • 50 cal - 3 oz plain Greek yoghurt
  • 50 cal - 2 tbsp serving powdered peanut butter 🥜
  • 50 cal - 4 oz (120ml) low fat milk 🥛

Meals (mix and match this shit!) 🍴

  • 0-10 cal - serving shirataki noodles 🍜
  • 0-20cal - Broth 🐥
  • 5 cal - 1 c lettuce 🥬
  • 6 cal - 28g (1 oz) pickled onion (do this yourself! So easy! So good on everything) 🧅
  • 7 cal - 1 c spinach 🥗
  • 16 cal - 70g (1 c sliced) mushrooms
  • 17 cal - 1/2 c kale
  • 20 cal - 1 c zucchini 🥒
  • 20 cal - 82g (1 c. cubed) eggplant 🍆
  • 21 cal - 1 tbsp parmesan cheese 🧀
  • 25 cal - whole tomato 🍅
  • 25 - 148g (1 med) bell Pepper 🫑
  • 30 cal - 78g (1 med) Carrot 🥕
  • 30 cal - 116g (1 c) pumpkin
  • 30-40 cal - 1/2 pack or can tuna 🐟
  • 35 cal - 1/2 serving (1.5 oz) cod 🐠
  • 36 cal - 1 c miso soup 🍲
  • 37 cal - 40g shelled edamame
  • 38 cal - 1 c Brussels sprouts
  • 39 cal - 1/2 hard or soft boiled egg 🥚
  • 39 cal - 1/2 serving (42g) halibut (white fish) 🐟
  • 40 cal - 1 c arugula 🥗
  • 40 cal - 186g (10 spears) asparagus
  • 45 cal - 148g (1 med) broccoli 🥦
  • 45 cal - 6 med raw oysters 🦪
  • 45 cal - 3 oz/85g lite tofu
  • 50 cal - 100g (1/2 small-med) sweet potato 🍠
  • 50 cal - 1/2 corn cob 🌽
  • 50 cal - 50g shrimp 🍤

Snacks 🍬

  • 0-8 cal - pickles 🥒
  • 5-10 cal - 1 tbsp salsa
  • 17 cal - 1 passion fruit (18g)
  • 23 cal - 1 tbsp hummus
  • 25 - serving seaweed snack
  • 25 - 1 med bell Pepper 🫑
  • 30 cal - 22 Organic Yogis (okay technically this is baby food but it’s just freeze dried Greek yoghurt and fruit so shut up it’s good) 🍓🍌
  • 30 cal - 300g/1 Cucumber 🥒
  • 35 cal - 1 cutie (small orange/tangerine) 🍊
  • 40 cal - 1 light babybel 🧀
  • 47 cal - 1.5 c Air popped popcorn 🍿
  • 50 cal - 6 oven-baked parm crisps 🧀
  • 50 cal - >1/2 c unsweetened apple sauce 🍎
  • 50 cal - 3 dried apricots 🍑
  • 50 cal - 15 pistachios 🌰🥜

Dessert 🎂

  • 0 cal - Diet Root Beer (I don’t care that it’s a drink! It’s so insanely sweet and it kicks the ass of my cravings. Also, my list my rules. Sue me) 🍺
  • 5 cal - serving Sugar Free Jello 🍮
  • 5 cal - 1 tbsp Hershey’s Sugar Free Syrup 🍫
  • ~14 cal - WHOLE BOTTLE Too Tarts sweet sour spray candy (so a few sprays is just 0-3 cal)
  • 20 cal - 2 tbsp Frozen Cool Whip Lite (seriously, eat this frozen) 🍨
  • 20-50 cal - baked fruit (bake some peaches, apples, etc. and mix with Splenda, cinnamon, etc.) 🍑🍎
  • 23 cal - fun size sweet tart pack
  • 25 cal - no sugar added small outshine popsicles 🍧
  • 25 cal - 1 pack smarties (American) 🍬
  • 35 cal - swiss miss reduced calorie hot chocolate ☕️🍫
  • 40 cal - small Outshine Popsicles 
  • 40 cal - 5 sugar free hard candies 🍬
  • 42 cal - 1 Hershey assorted mini 🍫
  • 43 cal - fat free green yoghurt with sugar-free jam 🍧
  • 46 cal - 2 regular marshmallows
  • 48 - 8 mini Cinnamon Sugar skinny pop Rice Cakes
  • 50 cal - 1-2 squares dark chocolate 🍫
  • 50 cal - 2 Dum dum suckers 🍭
  • 50 cal - ~25 sugar free jelly beans
  • 50 cal - halo top pops (lots of flavors) 🍦

Miscellaneous

  • 0-2 cal - any herb/spice 🌿
  • 4 cal - 1 clove garlic 🧄
  • 5 cal - 1 stick sugar free gum
  • 50 cal - 1/4 container White cheddar seasoning (2 cal per 1/4 tsp) 🧀🧂
  • 50 cal - 10 sugar free mints 🌱

Disclaimer: actual calorie counts may vary depending on serving, brand, food tracker, etc.

the fact that we need 8 hours of sleep is ridiculous we should only need 4 and the other 4 should be used to be cozy in your bed and rub your legs together like a cricket and listen to music and think about your little scenarios

me: *fasts for days*

*excessively works out*

*gets dizzy/lightheaded*

*is exhausted in the middle of the day*

*cries when food is offered*

everyone I know : doing great girly😊💖💕✨keep it up🤪 🤪

me:

every 62 minutes someone dies from an eating disorder

every 62 minutes someone dies from an eating disorder

About 24 people die from eating disorders a day

Lets take a minute everyday to just remember those 24 people who lost the fight.

Guys, I know it’s hard. But there’s so many reasons to recover. Imagine being one of those 24 people, eating disorders aren’t a lifestyle or a joke. Eating disorders kill.