My fave thing to do with pep lately - my happy place, if you will. Set up the splash pad and water table in the yard, bring some drinks and maybe ice cream, set up our chairs, and play. Aaand keep my ears open for approaching bears. 😅

Seems as though the worst of the nausea is over (for now at least) and I’m so grateful. These final weeks of pregnancy are already so hard on the body - it’s very pleasing to at least be able to eat meals without feeling like puking all the time. Little things.

I’m starting to think about maybe just taking the weeks off work once I hit the 38-week mark. Both my first and second boys came in week 38, just a day apart from one another, so I’m kinda convinced this little dude will do the same. Why not, right? And if not, my OB wants to induce once I hit week 39. So, either way, at least I won’t have to worry about going late.

This tiny baby is the most active out of my 3, that’s for sure. Sometimes I swear he’s trying to tunnel out of my belly button.

The house we’re buying for MIL to live in? They had to do some work on the septic and the seller agreed to pay for it, so that’s still on track. We’re supposed to close tomorrow, Monday, and it seems like way too tight of a timeline since they were still wrapping up repairs Friday. Either way, should be soon. MIL stayed with us for two nights this past week and it was fine. She goes above and beyond to not impose, so much so that it kinda makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, if both me and B are sitting on the couch watching tv with her, she won’t join us on the couch and sits on the floor “just in case we want to stretch out.” I’m glad she’s considerate, but I also want her to be able to be comfortable at our house. Hopefully we strike that balance eventually.

Here’s to the last few weeks before we start a new chapter, in a few different ways.

Bears. (Beets. Battlestar galactica.) We moved to the woods for real, y’all.

I’ve made it to my third trimester of my third pregnancy without experiencing serious third trimester nausea. That apparently ends here. Today is the worst so far. I feel awful.

35 weeks along and I cannot wait to meet this little babe. I also can’t wait to be the only human occupying my body again. Mama needs a break.

My MIL texts us a lot and it always turns into messages about how she thinks B does too much and he needs to take time for himself, he needs to relax, his family needs him healthy. He does really have a lot going on — watching the kiddo while I work, home renovation projects, property management, designing a restaurant for a friend. He’s in the middle of buying a home for MIL (with support from me). There’s a lot.

As his partner though, I try always to make sure I do as much as possible to support him. I help with pep during the day around my work schedule. I do plenty to take care of the house. I try to support him whenever he wants to get outta the house for himself - to go to the range and shoot, to go hunting, what have you. When we get together with our friend group, the guys go have fun doing whatever they do while us wives take care of the kids. This weekend I’m taking pep Sunday - Tuesday so B can get away to the woods by himself. He needs time and I want to support that. I don’t typically take much time for myself for a variety of reasons, but I also don’t feel desperate for it.

I suppose my MIL constantly harping on how much B does and how much he needs to take time for himself just makes me feel very unseen. B doesn’t say anything back to her that he’s being supported, and that he does actually take time for himself regularly, likely because it’s easier just to say okay to her than to extend the conversation, but man. If she’s going to be moving into a house that he owns (/we own - it’s complicated) I’m going to have to figure out how to be okay with this, or otherwise how to say my piece so I feel seen and heard too.

Yesterday was my first therapy session since I stopped doing therapy with my first (and only other) therapist last fall. I’m now starting fresh with a new therapist & new practice. Overall takeaways..

It’s tough to talk about all this stuff again, but then again, I really don’t talk about it much anymore with anyone. I know I’m starting to lock it all away in a part of my brain that I don’t have to access if I don’t want to, and I feel like while that compartmentalization is a great skill to have, I also need to work through it in a productive way.

I let my new therapist know that reflecting on my previous experience, I’d like more feedback this time around and while supportive listening was nice, I feel I need more than that now. I want to understand why I do some of what I do. She was really receptive. Let’s hope this turns into a beneficial and nurturing relationship for me.

These photos have been sitting in my drafts for a week, maybe more. I feel like I have so much to say and then when I have time to post it, I don’t. And then I forget. Really need to work on that!

We’ve been spending our weekends balancing family time and finishing up home renovations. My home office is officially DONE, and it looks amaaazing! 🤩 I definitely wasn’t as grateful as I should have been while B was building my new home office, but seeing it done and working in there, it clicked and I was like.. holy shit. This is awesome. HE is awesome. Super grateful to have this space to myself. I’m also grateful that the renovations here at home are winding down for now.. we need to wrap up the projects that are ongoing now and shift focus to bringing this new babe into the world.

I’m in month 8 now.. ultrasound a few days ago was great — the baby is healthy as can be, I’m healthy and my blood pressure is staying nice and low. The babe is 5lb 7oz now! He’s regularly kicking the crap out of my insides but I love feeling it. I can’t wait to meet him. I went to a hospital tour of our new hospital last week which definitely made it REAL. He’s gonna be here soon. It’s gonna bring with it so much fear and anxiety and I’m sure it’ll bring up some emotions that I’ve been letting simmer under the surface. I’m starting therapy with a new therapist Monday, though, so that’s giving me a direction on how to deal with everything that’s gonna come up.

Pip’s 1st birthday was a few weeks ago. It was a quiet day, mostly business as usual on the surface with a mostly unspoken sadness surrounding us. People who did reach out were very brief and quiet about it, not poking or prodding too much, which I appreciate. Thankfully nothing got posted to social media. I honestly wouldn’t put it past my MIL, but she somehow resisted. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since he was born, and it’s harder to think about everything that’s happened since. I try not to be angry about what life looks like now; it’s not what I imagined, but in a weird way, it’s the only way I could imagine it being currently. I try to stay focused on the good and let the bad visit from time to time, but not let it stay for too long.

Always looking forward. Good things are happening and more is to come.

We had a long chat last night, and it’s never about what you think it’s about. That’s kinda reassuring.

I really don’t want to be the spouse who focuses on how much they themselves are contributing and what their partner isn’t contributing. I don’t want to think about it and I don’t want to be upset by it. Lately, though, I definitely am.

Tired of being the full time working mom who also does the meal planning, and most laundry, dishes, cooking, and cleaning. Sometimes the split feels so skewed.

Still over here waddling around, still doing the once-a-week commute to the city for work. In between I’ve been managing to keep some flowers alive (big deal for me!) and am spending a lot of time with my little guy.

We just celebrated our 11 year anniversary the other day.. hard to believe it’s been that long. Last year, I was less than a week from giving birth to pip and so we said we would delay doing anything big for our 10-year until this year. Fast forward to this year and I’m pregnant again. We couldn’t have ever predicted that this last year would go the way it’s gone. Needless to say we didn’t do any big celebrating this year either. It was a quiet day, the three of us went out for dinner at a nice place here in town.

PA is continuing to feel more and more like home. It’s incredible - we only moved 1.5 hours away but the people here are so much more friendly and kind and thoughtful than back in NY. A funny story: a week or two ago, I got off the train after my long ass commute home and hopped in the car (at the station which is located in NY state, to be clear) to come home and… the engine wouldn’t start. Nothing. Turns out I guess pep had “driven” my husband’s van, which I was driving that day, and must have flipped some switch which is wired incorrectly so the fan was on all day long, draining the battery, unbeknownst to me. Cool cool cool. After calling B, I decided to try and get a sympathetic passerby to help. I even had jumper cables.. just needed a helpful person with a running car. I approached one guy just sitting in his car and he said no, it would be “too difficult” to help me. Mmm, okay. Mind you, it’s now getting dark in not the best part of town and I’m a very pregnant woman asking for help. But okay. I asked a second guy who pulled up and was sitting waiting for someone to get off the next train. No, he didn’t have cables. But I do! I told him. No, he didn’t want to help because he just got this car. Mmm, okay. Thank goodness just then I saw a state trooper pull up who was more than happy to help me and I shortly got on my way. But I had to laugh: classic NY moment. If I had been a half hour away in my hometown here in PA, I wouldn’t have had any trouble finding someone to offer help, at all. I just know that. This place is such a warm and welcoming community.

I haven’t met many other parents/people my age here just yet, but I’m hoping to as the summer season continues. It’s a bit lonely for me these days, but I’m filling my time mostly just being a mom.

We’re off to the lake today to spend some time with some friends who are visiting, staying in an Airbnb nearby. Gonna enjoy soaking in some sunshine and watching the kids play together.

My evening 💅🏻 🍦

Seven months pregnant, this is just what I needed. I’ve been feeling irritable today. It comes and goes. It felt so nice to sit and have someone rub my feet and then eat a brownie and pb ice cream. Spoiled much? I got home during bedtime and was trying to sneakily tiptoe around, only to drop my phone right outside of the baby’s bedroom. He immediately exclaimed “see mommy!!!!” so I got to do a few books with him and collect a wonderful hug and tuck him in. Best of both worlds.

We went to a wedding over the weekend, which had me wondering how many weddings over the past few years I’ve been pregnant for. Most of them. 😅 Ya girl is realizing she’s spent the last three years either pregnant or in the first months of postpartum.. starting to wonder what it’s like to get out of that 12-month postpartum period and not be pregnant again. I’ll find out this time around, that’s for sure. My body and soul are tired. Fulfilled, but tired.

The wedding was lovely, but the random spot we stopped on the way for lunch was the highlight. A circa 1745 inn turned into the most charming publick house. Delicious freaking food. Still thinking about that burger and fries.

There’s a certain point that I hit during pregnancy where I feel like I could just make a laundry list of all the weird side effects happening with my body… things that you’d think would have nothing to do with the reproductive system. I have hit that point. I’ll spare you the list though.

We’re officially without felines at our house and have been since Saturday. I cannot tell you the emotional and mental weight that has been lifted for me. I knew they were driving me crazy, but man… I know it’s what I needed to do at this point in my life. My MIL, who adopted them, seems to be enjoying their company, so - win win.

I’m in the city for work today after not having commuted in for about a month. It’s quite a trip back and forth, but I’ve apparently also hit the point in this pregnancy where I’m unwilling to rush myself anywhere, and I’m totally cool with it. I’ll get there when I get there. ✌🏻

Feeling kinda zen today, I guess? This sunny, warm weather is doing amazing things for my mood.

It ended up being a lovely Mother’s Day after all, as it usually does, I suppose. I always get bummed that nothing is planned without my having to plan it and then end up enjoying a relaxed day where I get to pass on cooking and cleaning guilt-free.

Something I realized: Mother’s Day for me this year (with the exception of skipping out on chores) was very similar to my day to day life. It wasn’t this extraordinary day where everything was different than it usually is. My life is mostly filled with really lovely days. I’m lucky.

I had an ultrasound on Friday. Everything is pretty perfect in there, so they tell me. 2lb12oz - another big boy. I passed the glucose bloodwork with no issues, thank god. As I approach the third trimester, I really, REALLY can’t wait to meet this little boy. I keep wondering what color eyes he’ll have. If he’ll look more like one of our kids or the other. We’ll wait and see.

Today I’m back to work after my two weeks off and I’m working in my newly renovated home office space (check out that before and after!) and while it’s not done done, it’s awesome so far. I’ll post more pics once I get the new (insanely far too expensive) guest couch/bed in here too.

All good things.

What a beautiful freaking week of weather. We’ve been spending it mostly outside and while I’m exhausted, I’m loving it.

Ups & downs, ups & downs. When I post rarely, I usually mostly include the ups, I guess, because they feel more notable and important and worth highlighting. But man, Mother’s Day is just kinda bumming me out this year.

I still am blessed to have my mom and my mother-in-law here; it’s not that. I think I’ve distilled it down to this, in my mind:

I guess it’d just be nice to feel like my person was willing to go out of their way to plan something to make me feel special, and it sucks that it doesn’t happen while I’m busy doing it for the other moms in our lives. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t really say anything without feeling like I’m just being petty and selfish, because he refuses to celebrate Father’s Day.

GRANTED - he’s spent the past two weeks working very diligently on renovating part of our unfinished basement into a new room where I’ll move my office and where we will make a nice guest room. Once that space is finished, we can move the guest room out of our third bedroom and make it into the nursery for baby 3. It’s largely “for me”, because it’s going to be my office. So, ladies, am I just being ungrateful? Should I just be grateful he’s doing that with the renovations and get over myself about everything else? I know these renovations would have happened regardless, but. Who knows. My brain is fried.

Oh. And my MIL is coming for a visit tomorrow and she’s going to be taking my cats home with her. She’s adopting them from me (us) because she’s wanted cats and I can’t handle having them here anymore. That’s a whole other can of worms. Boiled down very simply: I’ve always loved them dearly and now, and for quite some time, I can’t stand them being around me and need them to go to another happy home. Can’t do it anymore. Now that will be interesting to pick apart in therapy, eh?

Win some, lose some, right? Such is life.

Living our best lives over here 🌸

I’ve been off work for the past week and it’s been chock full of 1:1 time with my best little bud. B has been working on finishing the renovation for my new office space/guest room space so while he does that, I’m soaking in lots of quality time with pep. We had rain virtually every day last week which was tiring, but I planned a ton of activities for us each day. We tried out open play at the local gymnastics academy, ran errands, bought new toys, had playdates, had lunch dates and ice cream dates, planted flowers between the rain drops, and when the sun finally came out this weekend, we went to a family festival at a local park which was SO fun.

Potty training went… kind of amazingly? We did the three day method - stayed inside with no pants or diaper and just stayed close to the potty and paid attention to his bodily cues. He took to it really, really well. I’m honestly still impressed with him each day, 3+ weeks later. We’ve got a travel potty topper for public bathrooms and a little travel potty for the car, both of which he’s great using, and we’ve been able to do trips out each day without really worrying much about accidents. What a champ!!

Yesterday we got to meet up with @hey-kayla and her sweet boy for a play date, because by some awesome chance, she has a place literally 10 minutes down the road from us! The boys hit it off so well and had a great time together.. as did the moms. Looking forward to lots more play dates this summer.

This upcoming week promises more sunshine and temps in the 70s.. perfection. As B winds down the renovations, we’re planning on spending the week doing little day trips as a family. Looking so forward to getting to explore our new backyard here in PA. I’m getting to that point in this pregnancy where I’m very aware how easy it is to spend all my time with pep and how easy it is to just go out whenever we want without a ton of effort or planning. Once baby #3 comes along, we’ll have to relearn our new normal and things will inevitably take much more planning and effort for a while. I literally cannot wait for him to get here, but I’m trying to enjoy this time too for what it is.

Grief has been a smaller rock on my shoulder lately, as opposed to the boulder I had been carrying around, weighing heavy on my lungs. I can breathe a bit better it seems. Just trying to take the good with the bad there, doing my best to be understanding with myself when it gets harder. A friend of ours offered to let us borrow their halo bassinet because I threw ours away, and I’ve been buying new nb/0-3 size outfits, because I’m anticipating the first months to be hard enough with things we can’t control - might as well set ourselves up for a lighter emotional load where we can, like ensuring we don’t have to use all the same outfits that we used to dress sweet Pip in. I’ll soon be going through all of those baby bins that got packed up hastily in the worst of the grief fog to make sure we put aside and save the important things that will always remind us of our sweet middle baby, including all our favorite little outfits for him.

I really need to make these updates more frequent so that they’re shorter 😅 I’m sure there’s a ton I’m forgetting as it is. Happy Monday, friends. Enjoy the sunshine this week.