I wish I could go back in time and fix everything. I was such an angry and closed off person, I hated my life for not being able to gain any control of it. I took it out on the most important person in my life. I loved so unhealthily. I hate myself for hurting someone who meant the world to me, someone who is now affected so badly, they struggle to see others differently. I’m finding it difficult to move on, I was a horrible person and knowing someone is traumatised from my behaviour makes me physically sick. I’m finding it difficult to forgive myself and move on and I can’t. The person who I hurt is hurting to this day and I can’t tell them enough how sorry I am. Realising how toxic my behaviour was and the fact that I traumatised someone I loved so fucking much by the way I was behaving, I just wanted to die.
