(b)ugh (like an angel)

and like. i kinda have weird feelings abt fetishization bc like ok.

i hooked up with a queer person who used all the right language and did all the right things, but then they told me they only date ppl who were afab, regardless of gender. they’ll fuck ppl who were amab but they won’t date them, only afab ppl. the further we got into the convo, it became clear that the reason they only wanted to date ppl who were afab is bc we are more likely to have been socialized to take on the brunt of the domestic and emotional labor in relationships. that hookup ended up lasting over an hour bc they kept interrupting sex to complain about their ex wife. by the end i was practically shoving them out the door because i was so uncomfortable.

the guy i’m hooking up with right now is very cis and found me through the ftm tag on grindr, so he was specifically looking for trans guys. he told me he’s into trans guys because he likes sleeping with masculine people, mostly men, but he also likes the way vaginas feel. could that be seen as fetishistic? sure. does it feel that way to me when we have sex? nope. he uses gender affirming language without even being asked, he tells me he’s super into my body and gets excited when he notices that i’ve grown more hair or had a t dick growth spurt. he likes my body because it’s trans, and i’m perfectly okay with that.

i felt so much more fetishized by the queer person who was actively seeking out afab ppl to take advantage of essentially patriarchal trauma than i ever have by the guy who just likes trans pussy. so i feel like we just really need to have a conversation about what it actually means to fetishize someone because it very much feels like it’s just become “thinks trans ppl are hot” and i hate that literally other trans ppl are scared of finding other trans ppl hot for fear of fetishizing. trans ppl are fucking hot! our trans bodies are hot! it’s okay to be sexually attracted to trans bodies!

THIS. This this this, a thousand times this.

I personally think that a lot of people have decided that "being attractive to something non-normative" = "fetishizing" which... Is just blatantly not true. But it's how you end up with people who think that someone who is explicitly (and perhaps only) attracted to trans/genderqueer bodies is an evil fetishizer instead of, you know. Someone who likes that kind of body. Same vein of thinking as people who think that those who are attracted to fat people are all chubby chasers with a fat/feeding fetish instead of just people who find fat bodies attractive.

Like imo? There is no fucking difference between saying "Oh yeah, I really like guy pussy" and "I really like big dick and muscles." It's just what you like, and I hate that when someone expresses that they like something that is seen as "not normal"- not a straight, cis, white, abled, thin body, people act like it's a fetish or it's objectifying. Because what that says, at least to me as a fat genderqueer transmasc, is that being attracted to me as I am is inherently not normal and not good. And that is a fucking SHITTY message to send.

The problem with trans chasers and chubby chasers and "fetishizers" (and honestly, people really need to like, read up on what a fetish is because I'm sick of seeing it used as some bad thing all the time, it's not) is that they treat people as not whole people. Whether, as in the example above, they take advantage of actual or perceived trauma and behavior associated with one's assigned gender, or as a personal example, they're only interested in sleeping with you because they've "never fucked a fat chick and hear that you girls give awesome head". People who do that shit see the people they go after as experiences or novelties, or as something exotic. A sex object that they can use.

Whereas someone who is just into trans bodies, fat bodies... They just like those bodies. And they will treat you as a whole person. You're not a sexual toy to them- you're a person that they think is hot, that they want to sleep with. They care about you and your body and what you need. Again, it's no different than someone who dates people with brown eyes or cool dyed hair because they find those things attractive. It's just "this is what I look for physically in a partner".

'#i genuinely really like this post#because it is always difficult for me to acknowledge that i do have preferences due to this sort of thing#are they strong ones? no. but just the fact that they exist doesn't meant that i'm fetishizing something!!#however my brain and american purity culture are both mean' will smith gesturing meme goes here

You wouldn’t understand

Grafton, Nebraska, 1973

i'd play in the creek now as an adult. i'd sit in the stream and collect rocks for a while

not enough people are fond of things nowadays. reblog if you're a true fondler

going out clubbing as bob dylan

reblog to take the person you reblogged from to the aquarium

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈🦭≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

🐟 o ° .

• ° o 🦑

~~~~~🦀~~~~~~~~~~~~~🦐

noopy btw. if you care

how it feels to be in a transitional period

I'm about to wii sports resort to violence

I'm about to have a wii fit

a mummy who broke out of his sarcophagus wrote this

reblog if ur a striminal

religious people: thank you god for inventing the accordion i love it soso much <3333

atheists: its seriously incredibly beautiful that people invent instruments like. someone came up with the idea for the accordion. howw.

agnostics: no one knows where the accordion came from

Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind

unmute for the unfathomable sounds of mankind being shamed

white ppl have no concept of the pain of finding a community that you belong to and then discovering the deeply entrenched racism in said community

coming out as an nb dyke was freeing don't get me wrong but discovering how racist white wlw can be takes away some of the joy of that experience. we're fetishized or shunned or demonized or mocked or all of the above. then I see and hear white wlw saying shit about how welcoming wlw are like they haven't been pushing us out all this time

I'm not saying this is a problem exclusive to wlw by the way, this happens in literally every community that has white people in it. I've dealt with racism from white people as a member of the disabled community, from white women in feminist spaces, in activist groups I worked with, etc.

white people need to take a good long look at racism in their communities before they start proclaiming them to be welcoming spaces. because I can guarantee that if your community has white people, your community has racism

several jewish people have mentioned in the tags that antisemitism functions in a similar way and has similar impacts, so I think it's worth adding that jewish people are racialized and ostracized in essentially the same way

everything that I described above is an experience that people of colour share with jewish people

solidarity between racialized peoples ✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

white people keep reblogging this and adding tags that distance themselves from culpability for this, saying shit about how it's "especially cis white people" or "especially abled white people" etc.

and I just. way to miss the point. every white person is capable of this and benefits from this. you can be gay, trans, disabled, broke and neurodivergent all at once and still be racist and/or antisemitic

if you're white and you're gonna reblog this post or comment on it only to make it seem like your specific identity makes you less racist or less likely to profit from white supremacy, just don't interact with this post. because you're clearly not listening to what I'm saying here

every single white person benefits from white supremacy and is responsible for combating racism in their communities. trying to distance yourself from that only proves that you're not willing to do the work that is needed to support people of colour

message to cis allies: buying your trans friend lunch will do much more good for the trans community than debating transphobes who will not change their minds publicaly on social media and making all your trans followers see how much people hate them over and over again

if you base your trans allyship more on fighting with idiots than supporting and loving the trans community you may want to rethink things a little. bc i tend to get sick of when my cis friends want to talk more about how many people hate me than anything else about my transness.

The thing that pisses me off the most is that even if covid WAS over, disabled people still fucking exist and deserve to participate in things. The brief period of time in which everyone was doing virtual and hybrid events, people could work from home, social events were actually accessible...all it did was show that we could be doing these things, and just don't fucking care.

Hybrid events should be the STANDARD. Including people who can't leave their houses should be the STANDARD. Some basic fucking consideration for the disabled should be the STANDARD.

And it's just. Not.

icant even explain why i feel this way about it but this meme, this specific version, just makes me so emotional i love it so so much. its very heartwarming. peace n love on planet earth