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The Luminous Prophet

@thestarsareundecided / thestarsareundecided.tumblr.com

Harbinger of Hunger, Avatar of the Void. Emptiness Incarnate. Why have you come before us?
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2D Legend of Zelda style game where the Princess gets sealed inside a giant crystal and the Hero has to save her, as one does, except the Hero manages to obtain the crystal at the end of the tutorial dungeon.

The bad news: nobody knows how to break the giant crystal without killing the Princess in the process.

The good news: the Princess is fully aware inside the giant crystal and can still use all of her Magic Princess Powers within a limited range.

(The Big Bad knows this, and tried to work around it by keeping her in a large empty room with nothing nearby for her to target. That didn't work out so well!)

The whole rest of the game is basically the Hero lugging this big stupid crystal around in order to bring the Princess within range so she can use her magic to actually solve the problem at hand.

The Hero plays basically like Link from a typical Zelda game, except all of the Hero's upgrades relate to making them a better crystal-carrier: throwing the crystal, teleporting to the crystal, doing an AoE attack that affects a line between them and the crystal, etc.

When you switch to playing as the Princess, you're both invulnerable and physically immobile, and the joystick moves your targeting reticle for your spells instead. Those spells are mostly puzzly environment-manipulation stuff with an elemental theme, plus some basic damaging blasts to discourage monsters who get too close. There are recurring sequences where the Hero is indisposed for some reason and you need to figure out how to use the Princess' spells to move her into position to solve the current puzzle and un-trap the hero by using environmental effects and contraptions to fling the crystal around.

(In the final battle, the Big Bad proves to be completely immune to both the Hero's weapons and the Princess' spells, and winning involves setting up some sort of Rube Goldberg sequence of events which causes the Princess to fall on the Big Bad's head from a great height, killing him instantly.)

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There's a recurring prophecy throughout the game that the only way to defeat the Big Bad is to turn his own magic back upon him, and long-time Zelda fans are likely to assume that this means some sort of magic missile tennis, but it actually means a different thing.

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If there's ever a Team Fortress 3 it needs to carry the ironic retro nostalgia thing the series has developed to its logical conclusion and situate itself in a straight-faced pastiche of what folks in the 1950s thought the year 2000 would be like and show these chucklefucks what a real sci-fi shooter looks like.

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@mikermccall replied:

Isn't that just Fallout?

What Fallout has going on is almost precisely the exact opposite of what I'm talking about. The Fallout franchise is taking modern science fiction tropes and projecting them backwards onto a fictionalised America roughly spanning the 1950s, 1960s, and the early bits of the 1970s; if you look at American futurist media that's actually from the 1950s–1970s and examine what it imagines our own era would look like, you'll see something very different.

(Folks often make the same mistake when conflating, say, steampunk and retrofuturism. Steampunk is projecting modern science fiction tropes onto what we imagine the 1890s were like. Futurist media from the 1890s looks nothing like contemporary steampunk.)

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Had a dream that there was a furry subculture revolving entirely around popular cryptids where nobody knew exactly what anybody else's fursona actually looked like because they exclusively drew themselves blurry and out of focus and/or really far away.

Here we go! Fursona reveal!

Going from being an introverted lurker on reddit to trying to post my own stuff here is so wild. I keep typing out a post, deleting it, then retyping because I think it's not good enough but then I look at other posts and why am I so worried?

It's like I'm at a fancy Italian restaurant and keep glancing around the room to see which hand people use to pick up the forks. But then I realize that everyone is shoveling spaghetti into their mouths using their bare hands and I'm like ah okay so I'm clearly overthinking this

This restaurant is absolute chaos and I'm giving it 5 stars

Moving to the continent to do highly illegal magic with a wizard and a mad Polish aristocrat would be stressful for anyone, and Kelley had the emotional stability one would expect of an earless alchemist who talks to angels. 
While serving as patron to Łaski, Kelley became incredibly angry with a servant named Alexander, and threatened to cut off the man’s head. After a momentary apology, Kelley learned that Alexander spoke ill of him, and subsequently attempted to kill Alexander in the street with a rapier. It took Dee and two other men to stop Kelley from killing the man. The stress was clearly getting to him.
This was a bad time to be a traveling wizard in Europe. The Protestant Reformation just happened. Witch burnings were at an all-time high. The Catholic Church in the 1580s was, in a word, touchy.  So as the pair and their families traveled Europe, receiving patronage from Rudolph II and King Stefan I of Poland, they gradually attracted the attention of the Catholic Church. On 27 March 1587 the wizards were required to defend themselves in a hearing with the papal nuncio (a diplomatic representative of the Pope). While Dee weathered the questioning with composure, the nuncio found Kelley infuriating, and at one point considered throwing him out a window. [3]
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If you’re coming here for twitter please be advised that established tumblr users are entitled to put you in the stocks and throw tomatoes at you at any time. And you have to smile and tell them that you’re grateful for it btw

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Proposal for a truly adversarial tabletop RPG:

  • The numeric values of the traits on your character sheet are pre-filled, if applicable but the actual names of your traits are not: they're left blank, indicating only what part of speech – noun, verb or adjective – should occupy that slot.
  • The game includes 20–30 different character sheet designs, each of which has a different assortment of open slots, presented in a different order and layout, so what kind of slot is being filled can't be predicted from its part of speech unless you know which sheet someone is holding. The slots on each sheet are numbered.
  • Character creation begins with each player drawing a random character sheet design; the group then goes around the table taking turns calling out the part(s) of speech of their character sheet's lowest-numbered empty slot. Each other player calls out a word satisfying those criteria, and the active player must choose one of them to write down in that slot.
  • Attempt to play the resulting characters.

A basic mockup of a character sheet might look like this (though in practice they should be much more needlessly complicated):

Information

Species: (1) ________ [noun] Profession: (2–3) ________ ________ [noun + verb ending in -er] Alignment: (4) ________ [adjective]

Skills

(5) ________ [verb] Rating: 4 (6) ________ [verb] Rating: 3 (7) ________ [verb] Rating: 2 (8) ________ [verb] Rating: 1

Known Spells

(9–10) ________ ________ [verb ending in -ing + noun] (11–12) ________ of ________ [noun + verb ending in -ing] (13–14) ________ ________ [adjective + noun]

(Note that the traits presented here should not be taken as normative, so not all character sheet variants will have slots for "Alignment", or "Known Spells", or even "Skills", and other sheets may have traits not seen here.)

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Re-reading Kill Six Billion Demons from the start for the first time in forever and I literally just noticed that:

  1. In his first appearance, Zoss displays a halo which resembles a pair of large, upward-pointing white horns or ears.
  2. Zoss' regalia includes a pocketwatch worn over the heart; this is never specifically focused on, but it's conspicuously present when his personal effects are later inherited by Allison.
  3. Zoss consistently misspeaks Allison's name as "Alice". (The IC justification for his is that he's incorrectly parsing her name as "Alice-Un" and omitting the honourific.)

I can't believe I missed that.

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Please explain I am so tired and I can't figure out what these have to do with each other

there is a demon in your house named CARBON MONOXIDE. he enchants your mind with confusion and your body with exhaustion. you need to call a powerful exorcist named HVAC TECHNICIAN

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The first time I ever played Earthbound, I didn't know the kids had canonical names, and for reasons which to this day I cannot fully account for, I named the main kid "Steve". I don't even remember what I named any of the others, but Steve has stuck with me, to the point that going on thirty years later it's still my primary mental association for the character. "Ness"? Who the hell is Ness? That's Steve.

My sisters and I did this when we played Final Fantasy X. We named the main character Pretty. Referred to him exclusively as Pretty. (Mind you, we were tweens/teens at the time. We just thought it would be funny.)

This had unintended consequences, because, well… Our parents could tell we really liked the game, so they wanted to get us a present from the new Japanese import store in the area. Off Dad went—knowing nothing about the game beyond what he’d overheard from us.

He came back in a huff. Turns out he asked the poor workers there for a figure of Pretty. “Who?” Pretty, the Pretty boy in the new video game! “…Who??” He couldn’t believe they didn’t know anything about this important character from a big new game.

I think he threw his hat on the floor when he learned that his actual name was Tidus. “Then why have you been calling him Pretty?!” “Because he’s pretty!”

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‘redditors need to know this’, ‘twitterinas need to know that’… no. you need to know one thing and that is that you are not allowed to complain about werewolf fuckers. this is the werewolf fucking website. grow up and go fuck a werewolf.

Excuse me

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*reading a tarot spread using one of those edgy novelty decks where every card is an indecipherable Gigeresque welter of chitinous maybe-boobs and spiny, elecrtrified probably-dicks* "Your future holds... hm. Are you busy this evening?"

hey netizens! i'm not sure how many people are aware, but youtube's been slowly rolling out a new anti-adblock policy that can't be bypassed with the usual software like uBlock Origin and Pi-Hole out of the gate

BUT, if you're a uBlock Origin user (or use an adblocker with a similar cosmetics modifier), you can add these commands in the uBlock dashboard to get rid of it!

youtube.com##+js(set, yt.config_.openPopupConfig.supportedPopups.adBlockMessageViewModel, false) youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.adBlocksFound, 0) youtube.com##+js(set, ytplayer.config.args.raw_player_response.adPlacements, []) youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.hasAllowedInstreamAd, true)

reblog to help keep the internet less annoying and to tell corporations that try shit like this to go fuck themselves <3