Some of y'all make Posts

i have a tasty dark lunch but like.

it doesnt LOOK appetizing it's chili with melted cheese on top it looks like a chili should, like red-orange slop

do yall want the pic anyway???

I swear all the most delicious foods- Risotto, Chili, etc. Look AWFUL when photographed.

#show us the slop mia ok hex here you go

pspspspsp get your slop folks

SLOP! SLOP! SLOP! SLOP!

okay so like this

has the exact energy of

(sorry for the quality im working with a semi-busted mouse in ms paint)

lmao @ghostchilismoothie and @hexfruit im glad yall enjoy your tiny lil greachure selves getting at the slop

...ok but your chili photographs extremely well.

Tax Hell

just got out of a tax liaison meeting and holy shit everything is so much clearer

but i was just in a call

for two straight hours

0)-(

(fr though if you're Canadian and run a small business I cannot recommend booking a CRA business liaison meeting enough, it's free and after the one-on-one webinar that provides you with a slideshow you can keep, you can ask whatever relevant tax questions you'd like to someone who DEFINITELY has the answers)

RIGHT so this has affected ALL of my etsy bullshit in weird way:

before when you bought my stuff as a canadian, etsy'd tack on the correct GST amount FOR me and remit it but now, for some hellacious reason, I need to keep track of all of that on MY end

so if you're a canadian and you're looking at the prices of things going ???? why are they so uneven??

it's because I've had to include the 13% of price+shipping in the actual sales price to make the GST ID balance make literally any sense to the CRA

SINCE FOR SOME REASON ETSY REFUSES TO FILL IN THE TAX SECTION AND ALSO REFUSES TO LET ME FILL IN THE TAX SECTION WITH A NICE SIMPLE PRESET

basically the amount yall fellow Canadians get charged is the same as everyone else but the taxes are in the body of the cost rather than at the end because everything is ass backwards on the internet and I'm so so fucking tired.

and if you aren't a Canadian customer of mine?

literally nothing has changed for yall so it is as it always is, ya buy item, pay a shipping, pay your local tax and bada bing bada boom u get print in your house

Tax Hell

just got out of a tax liaison meeting and holy shit everything is so much clearer

but i was just in a call

for two straight hours

0)-(

(fr though if you're Canadian and run a small business I cannot recommend booking a CRA business liaison meeting enough, it's free and after the one-on-one webinar that provides you with a slideshow you can keep, you can ask whatever relevant tax questions you'd like to someone who DEFINITELY has the answers)

RIGHT so this has affected ALL of my etsy bullshit in weird way:

before when you bought my stuff as a canadian, etsy'd tack on the correct GST amount FOR me and remit it but now, for some hellacious reason, I need to keep track of all of that on MY end

so if you're a canadian and you're looking at the prices of things going ???? why are they so uneven??

it's because I've had to include the 13% of price+shipping in the actual sales price to make the GST ID balance make literally any sense to the CRA

SINCE FOR SOME REASON ETSY REFUSES TO FILL IN THE TAX SECTION AND ALSO REFUSES TO LET ME FILL IN THE TAX SECTION WITH A NICE SIMPLE PRESET

basically the amount yall fellow Canadians get charged is the same as everyone else but the taxes are in the body of the cost rather than at the end because everything is ass backwards on the internet and I'm so so fucking tired.

Tax Hell

just got out of a tax liaison meeting and holy shit everything is so much clearer

but i was just in a call

for two straight hours

0)-(

(fr though if you're Canadian and run a small business I cannot recommend booking a CRA business liaison meeting enough, it's free and after the one-on-one webinar that provides you with a slideshow you can keep, you can ask whatever relevant tax questions you'd like to someone who DEFINITELY has the answers)

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

I brought this post up with my ADHD therapist today (who also has ADHD), and she got so still that I thought our Zoom call had frozen.

Turns out she just needed to stare into her soul for a bit and it looked like this:

retrieving a mug of sleepytime milk and desperately trying not to think of a white gilgamesh

yo @punkasshunter

i know we both do calligraphy you gonna pen this one or should i

Guys i finally got the Leon keychain i was trying so hard to get him!

yo @lakemojave come getcha boi

workin on the monday project:

see yall in an hour!

gonna go for a bit longer!