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The Robot Monster

@therobotmonster / therobotmonster.tumblr.com

The writings and art of a Robot Monster just livin' his best life. Also a toy designer, writer, and artist. My Major Projects Include:

MiGano Pieces

Hand-sculpted game pieces for MiGano, a collectable miniatures game developed in 2005 that was meant to simulate "space chess" type games glimpsed but never fully explained in sci-fi films.

The line never saw release due to RedStagg Games being bought out by DuPont. The level of detail on these miniatures would not have survived the shift from concept to production.

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Made utilizing autogenerated prompts, as such, the above images do not meet minimum levels of human expression and are in the public domain.

Prompt under the fold.

I’m kind of glad to hear that everyone does this. Because it means it isn’t colonizer bullshit, it’s what everyone does. It’s just people discovering new things. Everyone goes:

“Oh hey these people have their own style of [language A’s word for thing. Say, what do you call it?”

“Oh it’s [language B’s word for thing].”

“Got it, it’s [language B’s word for thing] variety [language A’s word for thing]”

The human race just naturally moon moons itself

Bread Bread

Safari City Rocks (1987)

A Buzby-Spurlock show from my childhood that lasted for a single season, which got into syndication thanks to each episode being chopped up into three parts and served up as a single programming block with Milon's Secret Castle and old reruns of Arnie Dillo as "Arnie and Pals"

Sadly, much like Kidd Video, Safari City Rocks will likely never be seen in streaming releases due to music licensing.

Please be aware that, due to technical issues, the Containment Breach alarm is presently a distressingly loud MP3 of Billy Joel's "For the Longest Time"

Pending the hiring of a new IT department to replace the one caught tragically unawares in the last containment breach.

Poured Mountain Dew over fresh pineapple chunks and it is DELICIOUS

Follow up: poured Sprite on watermelon to make some delicious melonade. That Homestar Runner really knew what he was talking about

Bonus: after I drank the liquid, I ate the melon chunks, which had absorbed enough of the soda that that they were fizzy

As the weather warms up don’t forget about this refreshing treat I invented and is completely original

I'm going to have to make that.

Sudzu wasn't that bad..

Jack Abel, Pilot (52)

"Personally, I prefer your aircraft. Sure, they're ugly as last week's dinner, but you feel the turbulance, you taste the danger. Makes you feel like a dactyl.

Pay's total plop though. That I do miss."

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i dont think something needs to be 'that deep' for people to analyze it is the thing. obviously there will be people who assert things that are a bit sillay, & not all attempts to interpret something will seem founded by what the source material actually appears to be giving. but its a bit of a downer the perception that trying to find symbols in things or piece together non explicitly stated meaning is solely a pretentious intellectual authoritative exercise only befitting certain deservedly intellectual pieces when really i think its something humans do because its fun. i dont think someone writing a longish post like 'whoa did you guys notice this thing recurring across episodes, heres why i think it's relevant' needs to be seen as op's assertion that the source material is the deepest thing ever. i think sometimes people just connect some dots because its fun. and i bet a lot of even seemingly grounded analysis slides off what the creator meant to convey all the time, but that doesnt mean it cant still be something interesting.

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Also I think analyzing stuff that is 'not that deep' as 'that deep' is just a good exercise to keep your analysis skills sharp and in-check

Also, I think back to the thing Stephen King said in Danse Macabre, sometimes it's not "that deep" because they thought very hard about, rather, it's because they didn't.

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“Do you have an appointment?”

Deinah Azureback, Office Manger (43). 

“Oh, you mean back when! I was a rancher, oviraptors, you’d call them. . Had a big o’l flock, three ranch-claws, won best drumstick in the prefecture six seasons running. My first placement after the slip was an emu ranch. It didn’t work out. Emus? Surprisingly mean.

Now this? The pay’s regular and I’ve only had to bite someone once. So, six out of eight, I’d say.”

time for my favorite olympic tradition: mary carillo's on-air breakdown about badminton from 2004

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She had no right being this funny

Was it a mental collapse on national TV?

Maybe.

It was also art.

Two things can be true at once.

It's the "one set of mismatched in-laws attempting to act out of character to impress the other" trope, but instead, the assholes are the ones expected to bend over backwards.

This awful Lovejoy-esque couple getting slapped between comedic set pieces trying to impress a family of chill artists and librarians because they assume the same level of judgement they'd dish out is what they're bound to receive. The chill family is completely oblivious to the whole thing.

Wait... I think I may have accidentally just re-invented the Addams Family.

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The Dinosovians are Here to Stay, But Who Are They?

B.K.  McNair, Eon Magazine

It is June. I’m in a medium-sized dance studio in uptown Chicago. I’m here to meet the past, face-to-face, but I’ve forgotten my stepladder. The past’s ambassador is seven foot seven inches tall, has a foot long muzzle filled with razor-sharp teeth, and equally sharp talons.

She’s also a person. This is my first time meeting a Dinosovian. I am unsure of the etiquette,but thankfully one of us has done their research. She pushes her hand into mine and shakes it. Her name is Deinah Keenfoot. It is a translation, she tells me. Her real name would take a piccolo to recreate. 

We sit down to talk.

Excerpts from B.K. McNair’s profile of Dinosovian civilian life are available (top to bottom, left to right): Each with a lore snippet. 

idk if unalive has ever helped anyone not get banned from any website but it is impossible for me to separate it from deadpool in that one episode of that one animated spiderman show

they were so ahead of their time

Moreover, note that Spider-Man, in a cartoon for children, CAN say the word kill (in certain contexts.)

And adults, making media for other adults, are not allowed to.

The rules applied to internet advertiser friendliness are more puritanical than the ones applied to literal children's cartoons. You should find this personally insulting as a viewer.

Know Your Voles

Burrowing fuzz-bearing critters may seem creepy, but did you know voles are an important part of the ecosystem? Yes, even if they dig up a few of your tubers every spring! Here''s some fun facts about our tiny roommates!

  • Every garden cittervole eats thousands of insects and arachnids per moon, including mites and tuber-beetles that are dangerous pests!
  • Most Voles don't lay eggs, and instead give live birth! This does not mean they are closely related to snakes, however. That's just an old wives' tale!
  • Voles are social creatures that raise their young, just like we do! Vole mothers even feed their young with a special sweat they produce from patches on the belly
  • Voles are not downy! The fuzzy covering that keeps them warm is called 'fur' and, while structurally similar to down, it is a more primitive and less differentiated structure.
  • Vole jaws can move side-to-side, an ability they use to "chew" through solid wood to make burrows in tree stumps or, yes, your house. Some voles can even bite through metal given sufficient time and inclination.
  • Despite this, you can keep voles out of your home with a spritz of diluted longberry oil. Voles are sensitive to the flavor-compound capsaicin and avoid it.

For more information about voles and how to handle them ethically, contact your local office of Civilian Logistics, Administration and Welfare for our informative pamphlet packed with scientific facts, handy tips and tricks, recipes, and a field identification guide.

“Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus”

Reports that Julius Caesar appointed a crocodile to the senate are presently being re-examined, along with the Copelund Marbles (long assumed to be the work of Victorian pranksters) in light of the recent arrival of Dinosovian time-refugees from the late Cretaceous.

Photomanipulation, digital painting, and Midjourney AI