Interviewer: How much experience do you have with kids?
Dick: *flashbacks to prying Tim and Damian apart while Jason eggs them on*
Dick: A good amount.
———————
Interviewer: Can you pass a criminal background check?
Jason: No.
———————
Interviewer: We got a reference from your old coworker, Alvin Draper.
Tim: Oh, that was fast.
Interviewer: He says you suck.
Tim: Pfft, yeah. Some old workplace beef. You think he'd be over it by now.
———————
Interviewer: Do you have a valid driver's license?
Damian: Tt. Age limit this, driver's license that. If this was truly a free country I can get by without one.
Interviewer: Normally I'd agree with you, but we're a traveling petting zoo.
———————
Interviewer: Tell me about—
Killer Croc: *throws a car outside the window*
Duke: Um... gotta use the restroom. Be right back.
[10 minutes later]
Duke: *slides into his chair*
Duke: Where were we?
Interviewer: I was asking you about—
Scarecrow: *plants a fear gas bomb across the street*
Duke: I think my phone's ringing. One moment please.
———————
Interviewer: It says here you were fired from the movie theater. Can you tell me why?
Cullen: I spoiled the end credit scenes of Marvel movies.
Interviewer: And how can we be sure it won't happen here?
Cullen: This is Hot Topic, right?
———————
Stephanie: —long story short, I decided "to heck with it" and went to prom with an inflatable Riddler clone named Fernando. I'm sorry, what was your question again?
Interviewer: ...How are you?
———————
Cassandra: *shows up*
Interviewer: For the last time, we're not hiring!
———————
Barbara: There's a typo in your job posting. I also found that your LinkedIn page needs to be updated. Here is my full analysis with all my suggestions. And of course, assuming your application portal is up to date, you can see that I meet all of the qualifications.
Interviewer: Except you must be 35 to run for president.
———————
Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Harper: Money.
Interviewer: Other than that.
Harper: *thinks for a second*
Harper: No that's it.
———————
Interviewer: What's your greatest strength?
Carrie: I'm double-jointed. I can bend my fingers like this. See?
———————
Interviewer: Please explain this gap in your resumé.
Kate: Don't tell me what to do.
———————
Interviewer: Have you ever stolen from your workplace?
Selina: Never.
*interviewer's wallet falls from Selina's pant leg*
———————
Interviewer: And why should Wayne Enterprises hire you?
Bruce: My name is literally on the building.
———————
Interviewer: We're sorry, Mr. Pennyworth, I don't think you'll be a good fit for us. I heard the Waynes are hiring next door, though.
Alfred: This is preposterous.
Alfred: *leaves*
Alfred: *goes next door*
Alfred: Good afternoon, I am here for—
Martha: Oh thank heavens, he's here.
Thomas: We're late for our conference. Keys are under the mat, the bed still needs to be made, and the baby took a huge crap just now.
Martha: *hands over baby Bruce*
Alfred: I supposed I'm hired then?
Baby Bruce: *blows a snot bubble*
Alfred, chuckling: At your service, young master.