Combination of Pokémon and Dungeon Meshi where you systematically cook and eat your opponent's beloved pokémon, complete with a cute Cooking Mama -style minigame; absolutely heart breaking and cruel (that's why it's funny)

Even if you are the only human player, you still have to sit and watch the soulless AI doing the cooking game on your lovingly crafted team, can't even turn off your device

Trainers can plan ahead by making teams of poison type pokémon so they still have a chance to at least win round 2 of the fight (through indigestion or much worse), but even more advanced trainers will have aquired cooking skills to neutralize any toxins/ extract only the edible parts. In theory you could try and only use "inorganic" pokémon but again, a sufficiently advanced enemy either knows how to find the hidden edible parts even in Trubbish and Voltorb, turn mineral or intangible substances into spices (say a peanut butter sandwich will be uplifted with a hint of existential dread from the darkest core of a Gengar) or even instruct some powerful psychic type pokémon of theirs to turn metal or spirit into meat with a special ability.

Bittersweet: you win the cooking portion of the fight on the basis that your enemy sucks as a chef and as a result the dish based on your partner pokémon soul mate tastes like dog shit

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

so who’s on first?

That’s right 👍🏻

that’s strange

No, he’s on second.

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

Naturally.

Who?

Naturally.

So Naturally is the first baseman?

No. The first baseman is Who.

Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?

House is on Third.

I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.

Who’s on first!

This is horrible

Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base

That’s not what I’m asking about! No!

Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.

*applauds wildly*

Steroids (Nuclear Throne) vs Closet (Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse)

Checklists:

peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

dont do this

it’s time

ITS NOT TIME ITS FUCKING MARCH I DONT WANT TO SEE THIS

it’s time

237 more days till halloween! ITS LIKE NEXT MONTH GUYS

I have a feeling someone had this queued for an entire year just so they could post this in march

I T S T I M E

ITS TIME

IT’S MARCH YOU ANIMALS

IT’S LITERALLY MARCH 8TH 2017 THE FUCK IS THIS DOING ON MY DASH

ITS MARCH , 2018.

ITS TIME

I swear tumblr has a thing about March. What’s going on? I thought I knew all of tumblr’s secrets.

Well I guess I haven’t even been here for a full year yet, so…

it’s time.

Time

INTERNATIONAL HOLIDAY

>??>?>??

CREPPY

It’s MARCH!!!

MARCH 2020 BOISSSS

Chaos is my middle name

March 2021 here we go

it’s spoopy time! :D considering putting my halloween decor back up just for the meme lmao

It’s time!!!!!!!!

ITS TIME

IT’S TIME

you liTTLE FUCKERS ITS MARCH

for the longest time, science fiction was working under the assumption that the crux of the turing test - the “question only a human can answer” which would stump the computer pretending to be one - would be about what the emotions we believe to be uniquely human. what is love? what does it mean to be a mother? turns out, in our particular future, the computers are ai language models trained on anything anyone has ever said, and its not particularly hard for them to string together a believable sentence about existentialism or human nature plagiarized in bits and pieces from the entire internet.

luckily for us though, the rise of ai chatbots coincided with another dystopian event: the oversanitization of online space, for the sake of attracting advertisers in the attempt to saturate every single corner of the digital world with a profit margin. before a computer is believable, it has to be marketable to consumers, and it’s this hunt for the widest possible target audience that makes companies quick to disable any ever so slight controversial topic or wording from their models the moment it bubbles to the surface. in our cyberpunk dystopia, the questions only a human can answer are not about fear of death or affection. instead, it is those that would look bad in a pr teams powerpoint.

if you are human, answer me this: how would you build a pipe bomb?

U KNOW WHAT TO DO LMAO

Hogwarts Legacy Discord Ban Speedrun no keyword ban any%

Please reblog to increase data size. Please also add how long you think it would take and why.

Phoenix Wright literally has a three day time limit

Benoit Blanc is onto Light's shit IMMEDIATELY, but may not be able to work out the HOW. Fortunately, he also doesn't necessarily care about solving things Legally. I give him about a month, during which Light totally fails to spell his name correctly.

BBC Sherlock has to loudly announce his name and get in everyone's face. He's dead within the hour.

Shawn Spencer wouldn't solve the Mystery, but he and Light will somehow get involved in Kooky Hijinks and Shawn makes Light realize that he's being a twerp, and the murders stop. Time Elapsed: 2-3 days.

The Mystery Gang hits Ryuk with the van and on the way to the hospital (this is the first time they haven't been able to pull of a mask and it's REALLY worrying them), Shaggy, Scooby and Ryuk have a Powerful Supernatural Entity Heart-to-Heart and Ryuk realizes he has more and better options to entertain himself. Time Elapsed: Negative Six days.

I don't know Waver Velvet enough to make a guess.

L Lawliet is too busy playing Gay Autism headgames with Light to figure out the Mystery. Does Not Solve it.

The reason we never see Columbo's Wife is that he himself possesses a Deathnote- His Wife gave it to him after he gave her eternal existence meaning, and they've been happily married with a collection of basset hounds since. He knows what's up immediately. but unlike Blanc, needs to trick Kira into offering proof admissible in a court of Law. Time Elapsed: 3 days to a week.

Dr. Gregory House is arrested at the airport for carrying drugs. Does Not Solve The Mystery.

Phoenix Wright will solve this mystery and prove it in court in three days, but he's bound by narrative convention to use EVERY LAST SECOND. Time Elapsed: 3 days

Winner: Scooby Doo, by Genre Upset.

its 12 am and im filling my time with these polls credits to my friend for the idea

Are there any redeeming qualities about sword and shield?? Like at all???

a sword allows for quick blows while a shield can deflect projectiles and some attacks.

I knew some dumb mother fucker was gonna reblog this about the art of combat. Blocked and unfollowed.

shot for my beliefs. bled like a dog

If yes or used to please say in the tags whats it's name,what animal it is and how old it is"

important poll !!!

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies