If I got ahold of Joe Biden's phone I would put he/they in his Twitter bio then turn it off

Stop replying to this with "I would link Homestuck discourse! I would make a carrd! I would post Onceler stuff!" like guys. Guys. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but this won't work. Everyone will know it was a hack. But adding a they pronoun to the bio? Oh, baby, that's a toss-up. We would bear witness to three gorgeous hours of the biggest Twitter storm you have ever seen. It would be better than superhell night.

@crxmes

its called the D: drive because you look at how much space is left on it and you go "D:"

why is this mom joke getting notes

bc its true

need people to understand like if youre my friend you should bother me anytime. call me randomly send me something you think is funny ask for help with an essay i literally do not care. i love you

i fucking hate everything.

a major reason why we need piracy sites. now that physical media comes secondary to digital streaming, piracy really is the only way to keep movies/shows like this from disappearing entirely

L showing up at Light's school and introducing himself as Hideki Ryuga is fucking hysterical to me. imagine how every other student there must have felt. that's like if you were at college and some weird goth supergenius kid who looks like he hasn't stepped outside in 20 years showed up at your school and introduces himself as Harry Styles but not the one you're thinking of, and then he follows around some other weird supergenius kid for a week and they play the world's most homoerotic game of tennis and then they both disappear off the face of the earth forever

fake news

you forgot pills. apologize NOW

i apologize unreservedly

not to be problematic but i literally do not give a shit about age gaps when dating vampires. they thirst for your blood. "but it's predatory!!!!" yeah. it is. "they're preying on you!!!" they're vampires. they do that. "it's a power imbalance!!!!!!" what part of vampires are you not getting

they eat people and can turn into bats and crawl around on walls, lizard fashion, and can hypnotize you with your eyes. a) the age gap is not the creepy part and b) the creep factor is kinda the appeal

they don’t age. that’s part of the horror of it actually. would you accept eternal life, if you can never progress? can never grow or change? you’ll live forever, eternal youth, but frozen exactly as you are now. you will never become the person you’re meant to be. you are trapped in the mind of a 17-year-old forever. also ‘theoretically old if you disregard the fact that he’s a vampire’ doesn’t even make the top 20 worst things about edward cullen list. girl he’s mormon. prioritize

I was nodding along with this the whole time until that last sentence, which hit me like a folding chair

you come back and say that to the whole class

i think it’s appropriate, funny even, to trauma dump on ppl who are intentionally being an asshole to u.

“lmao u just don’t wanna be bald bc then u’ll look like ur dad”

“i mean yeah honestly it’s kinda traumatic bc i have a rough relationship with my dad. it was rough to go from ‘daddy’s little girl’ to ‘gross gender freak’ after i came out, i’m used to him being my biggest cheerleader even when we didn’t see eye to eye, so to lose his support overnight has been really traumatizing and i’m really sad about it. and like how do i find positive male role models if my own dad doesn’t want to be one for me? who’s supposed to teach me to shave or take me to my first suit fitting or teach me how to be a good man when he doesn’t even believe i am one? what happens when i actually do start to look like him and he still rejects me? it’s just been really stressful to deal with all the—”

BINGO

One time someone asked if my parents didn't give me enough attention as a kid, and I kind of just paused for a sec, then said "well mom slept at the office and dad didn't want me so probably not, actually?" And it turns out they just thought I talked a lot

I've inadvertently done this because I'm autistic and have been through enough trauma therapy that I can just talk about that stuff without getting upset now, so sometimes people say something jokingly and I give a perfectly honest answer. And I only notice when they go silent and stare at me like I've grown a second head, but even funnier is when they start apologizing. Because then you know they were making a joke at your expense. And they won't be doing it again.

There was a salesman/account rep that everyone in my mom's building disliked. He was apparently somewhere between "asshole frat boy" and "scummy used car salesman," but he knew just where the line was and apparently enjoyed putting his toes on it, but never over.

They were stuck with him, basically.

One day, mom was sitting in the samples room, looking through some data with a couple of other people working at nearby stations, and this guy comes in, sees my mom, and decides he's going to have some fun.

"Hey, nice hat!" he says. "Having a bad hair day? Dye job go bad?"

My mother sets down her work, and reaches up, taking off her hat. "No. Chemotherapy. "

Now confronted with her bald head, he freezes, his life flashing before his eyes.

"For stage 4 breast cancer," my mother says, never changing expression.

He is now actively praying for death, as every other person in the room has stopped their work, and are staring at him.

"The prognosis is six to eight months," mom says. She doesn't say 'until I die,' but it hangs there. She picks up her work. "So I really should get back to this."

Apparently he was mass reported to his employer before he got out of the building by multiple lab heads. They never saw him again.

Return Awkwardness To Sender continues to be a valid stratagem

People who have been dehumanized and go "fuck you, I'm a human no matter what you say" and people who have been dehumanized and go "fine then, I'm not a human and I'm happy with that" are equally awesome and should hold hands

New Jersey just passed a law that doubles the legal involuntary psych hospitalization hold time from 72 hours to 144 hours. They're claiming that there is a psychiatric bed shortage, and saying that this will help link more people to care.

This law is dangerous, harmful to mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people, and will cause more psychiatric trauma. I'm incredibly worried about the way politicians are weaponizing the concept of "mental health crises" and "bed shortages" to pass laws that increase incarceration. Psych survivors can tell you that any time spent psychiatrically incarcerated is too long, but these extensions from 3 days to 6 days will have dramatic impacts on people's wellbeing. There are people who will now lose their job because they missed 6 days off work, have to arrange childcare for 6 days, miss an entire week of school, who spend days in solitary confinement, go through repeated strip searches, go through withdrawal, and deal with the everyday violence of psychiatric hospitalization for that much longer. It is crucial that we fight against any policies that give more power and authority to the psych system, and build up alternative systems of care based in values of mad liberation/psych abolition, autonomy, and disability justice.

We deserve care, not confinement.

someone added tags pointing out that for most psych holds, weekends do not count. So under the old system, if you came in on a Friday night, you might not get out until Wednesday. Under a new system, you might be held there for 8 days before even getting to court proceedings.

i am in fact NOT being very brave about it and will whine and complain until i die. As is my right

people are fine with my mental illness until i start acting mentally ill like girl i tried to tell you what to expect

Stretching isn’t enough I need to be able to disassemble my body like legos

just by the way, forced rehab is not harm reduction, it is a step below sending an addict to prison, forced rehab causes deaths, what you should be advocating for if you actually want to help addicts is needle exchanges, supervised consumption sites, affordable housing, universal basic income, support in escaping abusive relationships, disability payments that dont keep people below the poverty line, and free mental health resources. forced rehab kills and that is not an exaggeration, that is something i have witnessed firsthand.

the cunt who makes my life decisions (me) and the idiot who has to live with them (also me) somehow have diametrically opposed world views how am i supposed to live like this

"you did this to yourself" if only i knew why. if only i fucking knew why

resisting arrest shouldn't be a crime. it should be a human right to resist being arrested

When someone is grabbing you and holding you down and shit, resistance isn't even a conscious decision. Your body automatically tries to remain in place against outside forces, and if you've ever just tried to position another person's hands for them or had someone do so to you, you know it's finicky and requires concerted effort. "Resisting arrest" isn't even limited to active struggle but can be invoked whenever the pig thinks someone simply wasn't submitting as smoothly as they wanted. Add to this the fact that the degree of resistance is typically impossible to prove, define or even support with any kind of evidence and it is just 100% an intentionally generic nonsense charge invented so they can punish anybody at all that they've arrested.

people are sooooo threatened by the notion of cutters having moral agency and using that moral agency to continue cutting. well its like i always say. self mutilation is a human right

i mean this fully & seriously in reference to cutting btw but just saying, it should also be abundantly clear why this is such an important position to stake out if we think about, eg, reactionary efforts to justify banning & punishing transition healthcare on the grounds of it being "self-harm". the urge to 'protect' someone else from their own decisions is a dangerous one, and designations of 'harm' and 'health' are never objective or politically neutral

Love getting drunk but hate actually being drunk

Pretty epic how getting blackout drunk allows you to feel like an amateur detective the next day. Walking around like "ah, this spot of grass must be where I threw up last night. These scratches here suggest I struggled with finding the right key for my front door. Also I went grocery shopping apparently"

Literally like I start drinking and think "hell yeah this is awesome I love alcohol" and then when I actually get to the point of being drunk I feel like some wretched beast that needs to be put out of its misery

Ok yeah no it's coming back to me I do remember showing my chest to some stranger at the bar after going "hey do you think my nipples look weird"

I honestly don't even think it was relevant to the conversation I'm pretty sure they were just showing me their sketchbook and then I decided this was the perfect time to peer review my nipples

A few different things drunk me has done before:

Okay so some context. I was at a party, and they were serving punch. As a result of this there was a bit of fruit at the bottom of my glass. Guy comes around pouring everyone gin and tonics. Comes up to me, sees the fruit in my glass, and makes a comment about me eating healthy. I have a friend who has this running joke that they're doing cannibalism every time they eat fruit because they're queer. I am reminded of this and so naturally I look this guy in the eye who I met maybe 20 minutes ago and just say "it's cannibalism." I realise my mistake as soon as I've said it and the guy gives me a weird sort of look so in a panicked attempt to save face I blurt out something about being gay. This did not actually accomplish anything other than me accidentally coming out as a gay cannibal. We exit the apartment shortly after that.

I was close???

Perchance

Consider them beaten. Like eggs.

Ruby Keeler & Lee Dixon dance on a giant typewriter in Ready, Willing & Able (1937)

So jaded by cgi that I didn't think this was impressive at all until I realised it was all an actual size set

It took me a solid few seconds to realize those type bars swinging back and forth at the top are actually peoples legs