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@theopjones / theopjones.tumblr.com

Rationalist-adjacent. This is my Tumblr page.

Kontextmaschine is Dead

(~1,000 words, 5m)

Noted blogger @kontextmaschine is presumed dead, following the discovery that the sole resident at his most likely residence was found deceased during a wellness check initiated by concerned Redditors.

Prior to his last post on Aug 22, which indicated a serious health problem, he reported taking over twice the dose of creatine he had been taking at the beginning of his lengthy post-COVID health saga, in which he also reported becoming bisexual, having "zero" anxiety, gaining 3D vision after years of not having it, becoming incredibly convincing, and having to learn to walk and use his muscles properly again. At the time, he felt he was becoming trimmer and physically stronger, and reported engaging in a long project of yard work, although photos from the inside of his house generally looked somewhat messy.

A Tumblr user who met him briefly in person after the beginning of the health saga but before these most recent events reported that he was friendly, charismatic, hospitable, and clean, but "physically, a mess," with motor control issues on one side of his body.

Topics of discussion were similar to the content of kontextmaschine's blog, such as differences in east and west coast government in America, said to be "totally on brand," but it was said that the prolific poster seemed "less self-grandiose" in person.

Redditors theorize that the decline of kontextmaschine's health following his first self-report of COVID-19 infection may have been due to undiagnosed brain cancer, which could be more consistent with observed changes in behavior than the after-effects of a viral infection, given that most reports of "long covid" are about effects like fatigue, and not total loss of anxiety or alteration of sexual orientation.

Despite multiple suggestions, from both anonymous and pseudonymous users, kontextmaschine refused to seek professional medical care for his condition.

Regarding the mourning of public figures, in 2018, a period of increased Progressive sensitivity during the Trump Administration, kontextmaschine wrote,

through the years realized that through whatever blind groping the ‘90s-ass “edgelords” were desperately trying to save us from this, through proper gatekeeping and filtering at first I’d thought it was gratuitous and supported it being relaxed, maybe not shaming everyone who publicly mourned a suicide, mea culpa, mea culpa, I have debts to pay

In 2019, he added:

That was how we kept the internet culture from growing mawkish and cry-bullyish: basically, if you were so weak as to get weepy over corpsemeat you got cancelled, the shame would follow you forever and you’d never be allowed to forget it.

Given his writing, it is likely that kontextmaschine would not have supported excessive public mourning over his death, though in 2017, following the theft of his motorcycle, when the popular blogger @argumate jokingly criticized him by writing, "no references to pinball, no insight into historical Americana, this isn’t the kontext I signed up for," kontextmaschine wrote,

“when bad shit happens people mock me accurately” is the community I’ve been looking for my whole life so

Like argumate, perhaps the most famous of the rationalist-adjacent bloggers on Tumblr, screenshots of kontextmaschine's Tumblr posts would end up on outside websites.

Kontextmaschine was generally considered an interesting, if controversial writer. One Tumblr user characterized him as a member of the "obnoxious Tumblr right," though another user asked, "wait, how is kontextmaschine is right wing?" After another user claimed that the nuclear bombing of Oregon would be a net improvement in the world due to kontextmaschine's residence in Portland, tumblr user @random-thought-depository wrote a 2,400 word theory post arguing that kontextmaschine's philosophy was a means to coordinate to join a future political coalition favoring the formation of a more brutal and oppressive hierarchy in pursuit of his own advantage.

Though kontextmaschine's ideology advocates that humanity should adopt "r-selection," meaning more offspring with less investment in each (or youth, sex, and death), this blog dissented against the coalition theory, arguing that motorcycles, kung fu, women, Hollywood, and not having to report to HR are all traditionally cool, and the causality of the kontextmaschine ideology could easily run the other way.

Though he had a period of identifying as female in his youth, appropriately LGBTQ for a Tumblr user, his 2011 statement of principles, including "the lesser yields to the greater" and "suffering is the mark of a wrong person," and general body of work, could be described as a strain of right-wing thought, though not of the traditionalist Christian or rational technocratic varieties.

Prior to the post-covid health saga, kontextmaschine's health posting was primarily about his bipolar disorder, with both manic and depressive phases.

Kontextmaschine maintained generally friendly relations with other bloggers in his sphere of discourse, sometimes debating but rarely aggressive, except in response to anonymous hatemail. In response to one particular piece of hatemail, kontextmaschine stated that as a writer, of course his primary form of influence would be his posts.

In a post chain reblogged by dozens of Tumblr users, multiple Tumblr users wrote that they enjoyed his writing and are disappointed by his death, describing him as a unique thinker that will not be easily replaced. Several felt that there was not much they could have done, as after returning from his covid infection, he was not taking medical advice.

One Tumblr user wrote, "rip. Inspirational manic poster," while long-time and prolific poster argumate described him as, "one of the bloggers of all time."

Internet users speculate that Kontextmaschine is survived by his outdoor cat, Badger, about whom he posted frequently. He may also be survived by other members of his family, with whom he apparently did not live, and rarely spoke about.

It is recommended that enthusiasts of kontextmaschine's blog make backups of his writing for archival purposes.

Crap.

I just feel so stressed out.

It feels like I'm a total failure.

With everything going on I just feel like I'm at the inevitable precipice of disaster. Like I'm at the end of the line.

It just feels like I'll never be able to make a comfortable life again.

It just feels like nothing really matters any more and it's impossible to get the motivation to do anything.

That I'll be by early next year risking total poverty.

It's probably not that based in fact, but I just feel like I'll never get back to the level of financial stability I used to have when everything was going right.

Between the medical leave (it's basically the two year mark of when I went to the hospital) and getting laid off, I've spent 8 of the last 24 months unemployed.

And every reaction I've had to this level of stress feels like it's been counter productive

I've basically shut down. I just can't get the motivation to do anything. I can't put in the long hours any more to job search.

It even feels hard just getting out of bed.

And it feels like I've became more impulsive about everything

It feels like I've become less responsible with money and less frugal since everything hit the fan. It just feels like it's so hopeless with everything that the small things no longer matter.

I made that disastrous decision to try to become self employed, and threw a lot of money into a black hole because in retrospect I just felt totally restless. Like I was doing nothing of value when unemployed.

I'm to demotivated to cook or keep my kitchen clean, and takeout, frozen meals and junk food isn't a sustainable diet.

And none of the luxuries I've gotten matter either -- I'm too demotivated to play video games, or even to go to that cowork space.

I just totally feel like crying right now.

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theopjones

Welp.

I've finally hit the point where I'm spending either out of deep savings (401k/withdrawal from HSA for non-health expenses or through debt, as my money-in-the-regular-bank-account is less than this month's (due next month) credit card balance.

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theopjones

The business expenses + health bills not getting covered by my insurance (will need to find a new therapist and psychiatrist, since while their group is covered them in particular aren't covered by my plan) were huge cost drivers.

Need to fully adjust myself to the mindset that as of now there can be no unnecessary spending.

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theopjones

Trying to freelance in a maximally business like way like I've been doing is so expensive that I just can't sustainably do it any more.

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theopjones

Welp.

I've finally hit the point where I'm spending either out of deep savings (401k/withdrawal from HSA for non-health expenses or through debt, as my money-in-the-regular-bank-account is less than this month's (due next month) credit card balance.

Avatar
theopjones

The business expenses + health bills not getting covered by my insurance (will need to find a new therapist and psychiatrist, since while their group is covered them in particular aren't covered by my plan) were huge cost drivers.

Need to fully adjust myself to the mindset that as of now there can be no unnecessary spending.

Welp.

I've finally hit the point where I'm spending either out of deep savings (401k/withdrawal from HSA for non-health expenses or through debt, as my money-in-the-regular-bank-account is less than this month's (due next month) credit card balance.

Is it strange that I feel a bit bitter at my old company?

That $300 freelance thing that was referred to me kind of really reminded me about how bad the IT underfunding and related bad practices got even before I got laid off (not going to post much about the details here, but if anyone I've interacted with a lot wants to here me vent).

And also just reflecting a lot about how the layoff was handled, ie. a lot more being indicated about job stability than was really true in a time where I was making a lot of major decisions based on anticipated income, me getting a worse deal re notice and severance than the first people to get laid off (in large part *because* I was doing good in my role), generally getting laid off at a low point in the market.

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truenoodle

What

Luffy confusion time for everyone

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truenoodle

Really though why the hell is there a Luffy tab?

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toasthaste

Oh I was wondering what on earth about my browsing habits made them think I'm interested in one piece but it makes more sense that they're just subjecting the entire web site to this

When you click on it, the link is https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/netflix_one_piece_campaign

-_-

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toasthaste

God if they hadn't just doubled down on fucking the site for me (killing reblog chains and now deciding bafflingly to remove user icons) I'd be going "hell yeah get that one piece money Tumblr, glad they're somehow relevant enough for that" but maaaan

Finding a job has still been something of a big pain point.

I had two promising interviews but definitely not an offer yet.

Still trying freelance work. I actually got paid by the $300 client, and the $1200 to $1500 seems likely to materialize into something next month.

Both came from direct references from past coworkers. But it's

Trying to find clients via freelance sites and listing and so on has been so far an expensive wild goose chase. A lot of expenses that aren't useful for much else (ie. business insurance, a desk in an office space, a separate business landline phone, fees to sign up for the freelancer sites). And a lot of trouble getting people to go with me. So, far I have spent a lot (probably $1500ish) trying to get this business/look professional and have basically nothing to show. The business IT market is very hard to break into, consumer IT is a race to the bottom.

<<Wagner Group>>, Hero of Russia, a true patriot of his Motherland - Evgeny Viktorovich Progozhin died as a result of the actions of traitors to Russia. But even in Hell he will be the best! Glory to Russia! Earth rest in peace dad ...

idk if real

The big next thing to consider re freelance work stuff is what to charge

For the smaller project that I did this weekend, I charged $300 (negotiated flat fee before starting the work)-- I have no idea if I under charged or over charged.

For that, I spent about an hour and a half on a video call with the client configuring the things which needed to be configured by the client, about 30 minutes to an hour configuring software on my end (on a remote server) to run the data migration process, about $15 of costs particular to this client to run the data migration task, a bit of time emailing back and forth with the client and writing detailed status updates, and regularly checking the status of the process to make sure that it is progressing normally. And probably more stuff tomorrow.

The request came in Friday afternoon, and I basically needed to work over the weekend for it (because the whole, fairly long, data migration process needs to be 100 percent done by Monday), including effectively being on call due to the nature of the work.

how DO people learn programming as adults? my autistic ass was out here hunt-and-peck typing terrapin logo programs in order to make Weird Art ever since i was first physically able to use a computer, so i truly and genuinely have no idea what its like to not do that

I secured my first actual freelance client today. It's a small contract, likely a one-time $300 project. Additionally, I'm in discussions with a larger client for a $1,500 project that might be converted into recurring work or a monthly fee contract. The small contract is somewhat unusual; it was a referral from my last employer for a data migration task that they couldn't handle internally due to compliance reasons. It appears that the contractors at my former employer, who were brought in to replace me and the other laid-off IT staff, misconfigured things on their end. In fact, this misconfiguration is a huge part of the reason why the task had to be referred out and why the client couldn't handle it independently. So, I had to devise a way to explain this situation without casting either my past employer or myself in a negative light.

Feels pretty 🤡 that my old company is basically sending their clients/1099 contractors to external contractors, including a past employee, at the client's expense because they fired half their IT staff / sysadmins and lost a bunch of institutional knowledge.

While learning to drive sounds like a good idea, I'm pretty sure that my disabilities/medical conditions prevent me from feeling comfortable that I can drive safely

Four out of the five daily medications and both of the rarely used as needed meds I'm on come with warnings to use caution when driving or using heavy equipment.

I have ADHD, and a learning disability that causes impaired reaction time, and visual spatial issues.

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theopjones

Some job searching stuff

I had a fairly promising interview today, but there are a lot of downsides to that role

* it is a mostly in office role (3 to 4 days a week), given my current apartment it would be a 2hr commute by transit. I could get a closer apartment, but that would be complicated given that I am locked into my current apartment.

* It's a more junior role than my skillset -- it would be basically going back five years in terms of pay (although it sounds like quick opportunities for advancement after about 6 mo)

Unrelated to the above I've been getting a few fairly well done phishing emails with fake interview requests.

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theopjones

I really don’t want to turn down a promising job, but the more I think about it, the job with the promising interview feels like it won't work, a two hour commute until my lease is up (Apr of next year) would be brutal, and my lease buyout would be $2,950 if I give two mo of notice, and $5,900 if I buy it out immediately. And there would be moving expenses etc.

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theopjones

Since it would be a 45min drive, there is also the possibility of taking driving lessons, getting a driver's license, and buying a car. But that would also take time and money.

just saw a job listing that requires a masters degree in accounting and they want to pay $14/hour. good luck with that

i told my girlfriend about this and she said "they do know those guys can do math, right?"

Avatar
theopjones

Some job searching stuff

I had a fairly promising interview today, but there are a lot of downsides to that role

* it is a mostly in office role (3 to 4 days a week), given my current apartment it would be a 2hr commute by transit. I could get a closer apartment, but that would be complicated given that I am locked into my current apartment.

* It's a more junior role than my skillset -- it would be basically going back five years in terms of pay (although it sounds like quick opportunities for advancement after about 6 mo)

Unrelated to the above I've been getting a few fairly well done phishing emails with fake interview requests.

Avatar
theopjones

I really don’t want to turn down a promising job, but the more I think about it, the job with the promising interview feels like it won't work, a two hour commute until my lease is up (Apr of next year) would be brutal, and my lease buyout would be $2,950 if I give two mo of notice, and $5,900 if I buy it out immediately. And there would be moving expenses etc.

Some job searching stuff

I had a fairly promising interview today, but there are a lot of downsides to that role

* it is a mostly in office role (3 to 4 days a week), given my current apartment it would be a 2hr commute by transit. I could get a closer apartment, but that would be complicated given that I am locked into my current apartment.

* It's a more junior role than my skillset -- it would be basically going back five years in terms of pay (although it sounds like quick opportunities for advancement after about 6 mo)

Unrelated to the above I've been getting a few fairly well done phishing emails with fake interview requests.