i don’t know when i became this harsh person. when did i become my mother. when was my back turned to this transformation? it’s like someone took over my body overnight but i know that by doing that i might be avoiding responsibility. what can i do to become a softer person? what can i do to be warmer and kind and less scary i guess.
Never put up your struggles publicly because people will remember it and forever think you are incapable because of your past struggles.
And yes I can hear you say it to the person beside you... Ha! You deserve it for doing that to me.
It feels extremely heavy to know that I've got no one.
Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape
.
.
.
Terrance Tan Junyan is a multi-talented artist who dabbles in scriptwriting, coding and enjoys board games in his free time. He prides himself on being a feminist, has a friendly exterior and loves to help others. He helped me get through my audition into Musical Theatre at a local conservatoire/school of the arts and even shot my headshot for me, which resulted in my eventual acceptance and scholarship. We dated for awhile and he helped me through some tough depressive and anxiety filled episodes in my life.
He also raped me.
And till today, he has never acknowledged it. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I oscillate between hating him and being proud of his achievements from afar in the way a fond friend would be. I have never forgotten what he has done for me. And to me.
I don't consciously walk around thinking of myself as a rape victim or survivor but my body remembers. My reptilian brain kicks in and my throat tightens when I'm in a room alone with a new/big man. I see him around from time to time since we're in the same industry and it paralyses me every time. Immediately, I feel the ground fall away. I realise that my anxiety attacks started the same year of the incident and it occurs to me that I will never be the same again.
I touch this scar knowing that deep underneath the hardened exterior there is a festering that surfaces from time to time like a fever. It makes me curious to know that one event in a phantom relationship that went nowhere, once upon a time in my life, could affect me so much.
I'm not sure what I need to heal fully. But I think it would be right to start with him acknowledging what he did to me.
This is starting to dredge up some tough feelings to swallow and I have a show tonight. So I best get on with it.
use the right knives when you cook please
i’m not kidding and i’m not being mean i’m watching these videos of people trying to cut like, carrots, and they’re using butcher knives, and i just… I cook a lot and I don’t own a butcher knife, I’ve never had one, I’ve never needed one. I don’t cleave through… bone like. please
like listen, this set is $18.99 with the coupon it has available right now. unless you do a lot of cooking in which case you’re not the target audience of this post you don’t need more knives than this like… please
from left to right:
it’s also gay.
and here’s a cutting board with a knife sharpener. keeping your knives sharp is a good idea because cuts from dull knives are harder to treat, are more likely to get infected, and are more painful over time. cuts happen but you can reduce your risks
Who wants to get me some knives?
if ur gonna do it wrong, might as well just
Anyone can play a princess. Anyone who says otherwise has a small imagination.
Photographer: Lily Andrui
Models: Vidal Francisco and Danae Kristine
this is my approach to, uh, several things, tbqh.
And so many white people were in her mentions saying “well he shouldn’t have a MacBook” as if this is a fucking Mac vs Windows joke
Fuck the police and fuck the white people who think this is a joke. We can literally be killed over ANYTHING
Police need to be held accountable for their actions.
I recently read an article about how women use the word “just” in work life and personal life more than men do because we feel we need to apologize or make whatever we have to say quick. “I’m just writing to say…” “I just want to know…” “Just checking in…”. It seems to trivialize what we have to say.
Don’t apologize or feel you need to make little of what you are saying. Say it with intention. “I’m writing to tell you this…” “I want you to know…” “I’m checking in to make sure…"
Since reading the article I’ve become aware of how much I was adding “just” so soften what I had to say, whether it needed to be softened or not. Say what you have to say with confidence and intent. without apology. what you have to say, no matter what it is, is important.
fuck ThiS is mE
babies
“But you always have to watch Tolkien with water. He never uses it unmeaningfully. Pools and lakes mirror stars, and hold hidden things. The Anduin has contrastin banks and, moreover, reeks of history. In a way, it is history, and the Fellowship is going with the current, to break up in confusion at the falls of Rauros. It is worth pointing out that when Aragorn later uses the same river, he comes up it, against the current, changing a course of events that seems inevitable. The other water is of course the Sea. This has been sounding dimly in our ears throughout the book, but in Lothlorien it begins to thunder. Does it suggest loss, departure and death? Certainly. But since water is always life to Tolkien, it must also be eternity.”
— Diana Wynne Jones, ‘The Shape of the Narrative in The Lord of the Rings.’ (via setnet)
fuck all philosophy except for whatever the hell Diogenes was trying to teach
direct action
How about just being polite & going into a debate with those who hold diffrent beliefs then you?
how about you eat my shit and hair
staying true to spirit
the OG of the vicious burn
Diógenes said you couldn’t spit anywhere but in the face of a rich man because once this rich dude invited him into his house and literally told him you can’t spit on anything that touches the floor so Diógenes spit in this guys face
here is a very good painting of Diógenes in his tub that i had the good fortune of actually seeing earlier this year
I love that Diogenes is making a comeback in the twenty-first century.
I love that this legend of a man is why we have the concept of cynicism
where is that renaissance painting with those two fellers and a giant fucking random skull on the floor that looks like it was accidentally stretched out in photoshop
THANK YOU
somebody please explain
Someone once told me it’s like that because it was designed to be hung in a stairwell so the skull pops out as you walk past.
…I guess it works but you have to be at a pretty sharp angle
There was a whole trend at one point where artists would include something in their paintings (usually a skull, for whatever reason) that’s super distorted in just the right way so that it looks normal if you hold the painting up to a convex/concave mirror. I have absolutely no idea why. But I think that’s what’s going on here.
In case anyone’s curious, here’s what it looks like when you walk past it irl:
It does have a 3D effect to it! It’s pretty neat, guess it would be even more impressive to people from the 14th century.
Notice how Shan Yu doesn’t even question it or make a comment about “BUT YOU’RE A GIRL” he just instantly goes into a “I’LL TEACH YOU TO KILL MY MEN AND STEAL MY VICTORY” rage and I think about this a lot sometimes
((Well that might have to do with the fact that he’s a Hun. Women among the Huns had higher status than their Chinese counterparts and even some of their own men. Women were free to hunt and fight along side of the men, could choose their own husbands and divorce him if she choose to. There were even records of clans being led by women leaders. So for Shan Yu Mulan is just another soldier))
thank you, history side of tumblr.
He also might not have been able to see very well, due to whatever horrible disease has taken hold in his eyeballs.
Pretty serious Wilson’s Disease judging by the copper buildup in in irises, and apparent melanocytosis localized to his sclera.
Thank you medical side of tumblr
I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOREVER
Sometimes I think it’s gettin’ better And then it gets much worse Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, it hurts Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts
- Big God. Florence and the Machine. 2018.
I’m glad that Indiana finally has its first national park and that it’s the one mostly known for having sand dunes that eat children.
how, pray tell, does a dune eat A Child
Imagine that you’re a big pile of sand by the shore of Lake Michigan, between Gary and Michigan City. Your name is Mount Baldy, and you’re a popular tourist destination at what is now Indiana Dunes State Park.
For a huge pile of tiny rocks, you live a surprisingly nomadic lifestyle. More than a hundred years of tourism and foot traffic has destroyed much of the native grass that kept you stationary. You are now what they call a “wandering dune”, as wind off the lake slowly but steadily pushes your tremendous bulk a little further inland every year.
As you move, you gradually engulf everything in your path—trees, buildings, rocks, hills, your own parking lot—everything. You are an unstoppable force, like some kind of gigantic gelatinous cube, but you’re still very popular with visitors.
In 2013, you suddenly eat a child. It’s a surprising move on your part—dry quicksand isn’t supposed to be a real natural phenomenon. I mean, what is this, a 1960’s action movie?
One moment, a family from Illinois is cheerfully climbing your slopes. The next, the 6 year old boy suddenly vanishes without warning, leaving no trace. Would-be rescuers dig in the sand where he disappeared until their hands are bleeding. Geologists insist that he must have wandered off, because enormous piles sand physically cannot form hollows or pockets within themselves—but three hours later, he is found, unconscious but alive, buried almost twelve feet deep in the sand.
The current leading geological theory as to how this happened is that the organic material you engulf, like trees, slowly decompose beneath your slopes, leaving behind unstable voids held together only by the fragile remains of the decayed material. When these voids are walked over, they collapse, forming sudden sinkholes that can swallow visitors whole. The rules that typically govern stationary dunes, or wandering dunes in areas that are not forested, no longer apply to you. You are unpredictable and dangerous and have remained closed to visitors except on guided hikes ever since.
ive never wanted to be a sand dune until now
for a limited time only, you too can become an organic material slowly decaying beneath a shifting mountain of sand
I can’t breathe
