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i feel like crying my eyes out

griffguts is so annoying because the basis of their conflict is miscommunication except it's been used SO well in brsrk as a narrative tool 🙄 both of them were so strongly drawn to each other, but they never really tried to connect or talk it out or deal with it (that's just how older teens are). guts loved griffith. he looked up to him. he was proud of the fact that griff picked him, saw him, acknowledged him, needed him, wanted him. nobody wanted guts before. all he's done is be discarded and treated like a nuisance. but griffith claimed him. and thanks to that, guts would have done anything for him. guts struggled to understand why would someone like griffith, so dazzling and loved and special, would risk his life for him, but was thankful nevertheless. and then he overheard griffith talk to charlotte about how he doesn't see the band of the hawk as his friends or his equals, and about how he looks down on people who live for the sake of living - people like guts. guts' low self esteem caught back with him; of course he doesn't consider me his equal. he did claim me, but i'm but a pebble on his path, one of the many. even if i leave, it won't change the course of his life much.

but to griffith, guts was never just part of the band of the hawk, he was his guts. griffith loved guts. griffith would never think of guts as one of those guys in his worst nightmares - guts had a special place in his mind, in his heart, he gave it to him when he claimed ownership of him. guts was someone griffith would risk his life for, someone he could abandon his dream for if it was unavoidable. guts was his. he needed guts by his side like he never needed anyone else, it's a feeling he never felt towards anyone ever, and terrifying as it was, it was so incredibly important to him. guts has become such a big part of griffith, a part griffith wouldn't know how to live without.

so when guts left, they were on such drastically different wavelengths. it hurt both of them, hurt their pride and their feelings, but while griffith lashed out, guts had to keep to himself. in the hindsight all of it would have been resolved within minutes if guts just used the mouth nature gifted him and asked griffith if he thought of him as pathetic and beneath him, griffith would use his brain for the first time in their relationship and soothe his fears, and they'd be dandy. but if they did that they wouldn't be guts and griff lol