why do i only write things i like when i’m in pain

do you ever write something in a moment of pain and you’re like “yeah this is lowkey devastating but i’m not sure i want to publish it”

i remember

i saw you

wearing overalls in the café

and when

we locked eyes

i knew i was here to stay

you’re lovely

and freeing

and my heart skipped a beat

the first time

i kissed you

and the future tasted sweet

you see me

you listen

when my head goes insane

and i try

my best

when your past puts you in pain

and it’s hard

that, i know

when you fear you’ll hurt again

can’t always

comprehend it

but i’ll be here until the end

you know me

you touch me

you feel my inmost thought

i love you

and cry out

don’t let it be for naught

i love you

i love you

my love, please know it’s true

when i tell you

i love you

i mean it

I Do.

i want to touch every inch of you

in passing

to know every thought of me

you’re having

to hold and hold, till everything

vanishes

into nothing but you and me

i yearn to know you, your dreams, wishes

anxieties,

to calm you after the storm, and to

finally

have one to spark my fire, who cares and

balances

my moon to your sea

you lure me in

as i pull you close

and you know me

the way nobody knows

you mean the world

and i finally feel free

she’s coming out of a two and a half year hiatus in a bit ??

so when i was in high school

we got those like school-issued email addresses and since ours were gmail i had a bunch of stuff on my drive that i like. wanted to keep.

but apparently like a year after you graduate they erase your email so i lost a bunch of old poetry that wasn’t perfect, granted, but i still wanted to have it for the sake of memories. i didn’t really have a lot going for me in high school, i had some good friends, but my poetry was one of the only things i was comfortable being confident in. i’m no emily dickinson, but i was proud of what i was able to create at the time (especially the stuff i had to write for my junior year english class). so in honor of that i guess, i wanted to share this one that i found in my snapchat memories (that i straight-ified for my class but wrote in what was supposed to be the style of emily dickinson—this is the original gay-ass version)

Once, I met a girl named Death, and

Saw her on a blue moon

Darkness fell around her

And I knew I was doomed

Once, I saw this girl named Death, and

Knowing what she did to

People like me, I ran—

No— I can’t. I do.

Once, I knew a girl named Death, and

Though I ran away—

Yearned for her to chase me,

Yearn for her today—

Yes, I knew this girl named Death, and

As I said goodbye—

Walked away from my loved—

Slowly starts to cry.

so I don’t really know what’s happening anymore?

It’s gone, I’m gone

I want to care

But all my emotions

Are completely bare

I long for something

I can’t tell what

But I know I’ll keep

My doors locked shut

There’s more to this

They all say

“It gets better”

They’re so cliché

I used to care so much

Then I hurt myself

But I really don’t want

To hurt them as well

They try and they try

But they can’t break through

I want to get better

That’s long overdue

But if I’m making it up?

They would all vanish

I don’t want them to leave

So I’ll carry my own baggage

I love them, I can’t hurt them

So I’ll just act bright

The last thing I want

Is let them know I’m lost in night

I love you

But it makes me giddy

Knowing someday

Someone new will make me dizzy

I know I can be childish

So what? Who cares?

I can find a woman

Who loves all my airs

I need someone new

And I can’t stop thinking

That with someone new,

In a while, I’ll be singing

so rhyming is fun

You use me

And then you lie

I can’t understand

You won’t let me fly

But I don’t need you

I’m too reliant

I can do it myself

I can be defiant!

You put him first

Now I’m taking a step

And I realize

I can escape your web

It won’t be easy

Tearing myself apart

But you should know this:

Know you won’t have my heart.

“You’re beautiful”

You say to me

You’re beautiful

So I’ll never be free

You’re kind, and sweet,

And you blow my mind

And I know that to love you

I have to get back in line

I know, I decide,

That I can’t interfere,

And I know that I’ll never

Again be your dear.

criiiinge

You say I’m beautiful

I see the stars in your eyes

And I know you so well

I know it’s not a lie

I don’t see what you do

I’m needy, and pathetic,

And I haven’t a clue,

That, somehow, I’m part of your aesthetic

I’m blind, I see exactly what I expect

I love you, you love him, none perfect

He loves you, you love him, a perfect love story

Except for your ex- know I won’t end in glory.

aaaaa i’m cringey as fuck...anyways

You always said you had plain eyes

But never did you realise

You drowned my heart in chocolate pools

I thought them better than expensive jewels

You’d stare at me and I would melt

Words can’t describe the way that we felt

I’d kiss you, and when we pulled apart

Your brown eyes tugged at the strings of my heart

I knew my dance

I danced alone

I easily pranced

I’ve easily flown

I took a glance

Across the room

I saw you there

Pretty as the moon

As if by chance

I fell in love

We took our chance,

And you left, my dove

But not before we did our dance

I was in a trance

When you got rid of

Me

a thing I wrote like forever ago?

Every time I see your face

Conflicting emotions decide to chase

Your beauty, your patience, your warmth

I met you, and my universe transformed

I see the eyes that once drew a line

Your eyes, the eyes that used to be mine

I watch your every move and as I stare

I know it hurts, but I know you still care

I miss the way we used to dance--

In separate ways, together, a chance

I knew how to move when I danced on the ground

But then you came and you spun me around

I saw you once and took you for granted

Thought you would do whatever I commanded

But you had your own life, we were still two

And you realised we couldn’t pull through

Once you saw fire alight in me

Now I’m being only swept out to sea

You told me maybe we still stood a chance

If by yourself, you could re-learn to dance

You left me alone, with a sliver of hope

Never got you back, and I started to choke

I failed to breathe completely without you

I stayed on the ground, and on, away you flew

Balance I saw in you and me

A rock and balloon, gliding in glee

I grounded you while you lifted me up

Perfect, together we would grow up

I miss your lips that told so much

And onto you, for life I clutched

I miss your smile when you would sing

And the way I could dream of wearing your ring

I know it’s hopeless--that sliver, like the moon

Comes and goes while I just cocoon

I pushed you away, it’s my fault you’re gone

But there’s nothing I want but to resume our song