If i had a mood right now it’d be if the decemberists and conor oberst had a sad baby

24 was

mastering a $15,000 espresso machine and how to make a middle aged man tip $3 in the same day.

throwing up jager for the last time

throwing up intentionally zero times for the first time in a long time

taking moments to stare at my surroundings

drinking them in and holding on to them as long as possible

wanting to mourn their tiny deaths as they left my space.

getting up in front of a room of smart people over and over and over again until i started to believe i belonged there, just barely.

realizing how different 18 and 24 are

learning to not do something if i don’t actually want to do it. 

thankful that the (x) boys I slept with never ended up working out.

still wondering how 24 is the year it’s seeming to work out.

living with the daunting feeling it still might not and this might be the year i look back and cringe. 

losing friendships. gaining better ones. 

less time in the mirror. more time in bed. 

still writing entries in my tumblr i guess...

more hard tears. some of the bitterest. some of the most tired tears. will only begin to rot. 

learned who i like and who i don’t. that i don’t have to like you just because you’re loud and funny like me. 

i barely sang or played or created. i regret that. 

still stay up until 4am. 

still wake up at noon.

but

found you. i found you. you found me. hands down, the best part. 

When will I ever grow up part 420