the spell worked

When I'm happy I say: Bitches love my Red Zaku!

When I'm angry I say: This time I'm really gonna do it.

I've literally never been kissed this much it is frying my brain

i hope a ceiling fan fall on yall

we were at the beach on a towel so...

So watch out

the famously unproblematic white authors of ao3

She let me hit it because I solved her riddles three

When my hot wrestler wife leaves me

Oh wrong post

No stay in this space with me

these images ruined my life they've been in my life for nearly a decade and i say this shit every other day

did the beat go off?

i nut and then my meat go soft? 

her daughters got the whooping cough?

i brake and let the children cross?

Even if it was for one year in fifth grade <3

Extra points for leaving in tags for how many years and if you still do

"hey man do you have anything to drink im fucking parched"

"uuhhhh.....no, just like ingredients and stuff in the fridge"

"come on man i just want some juice or something water is gross to me"

"wait you think water is gross? its water, how is it gross"

"yeah man im sensetive okay? sometimes i get too much minerals from it and it makes my mouth feel weird all day"

"i mean i have a filter on my tap, just have that i promise it wont be minerally you'll be fi ne just dont open the fridge"

"okay fine man i'll have some water but then i want to go to the store and get something better"

"alright whatever, lets just go"

MEANWHILE IN THE FRIDGE:

Me waking up after dying because i wished on a dandelion when i was 10 that i would be reborn into the YTP world

god told me this ia the funniest post ever

hi what did everyone have for dinner (or lunch or breakfast if ur in a different time zone. whatever ur last meal was)

wyd after eating this

After you eat that you sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sed rhoncus.

If you’re LGBT reblog and tag with your opinion on beer.

bumper sticker idea

Btw when someone says "don't talk to me like that, I don't know you" the normal thing to do is apologize for the perceived overfamiliarity and correct the behavior. Just in case anyone was wondering

Meanwhile jaskier said I'm going to follow this man and talk so much that he falls in love with me

5 6 7 8 9 10 11 all of these bitches wanna follow me to heaven . They all say I ate that I devour like an entree but im in them pits crawling through em like I'm Dante

unfortunately realized that I'm sexually attracted to Edward Norton in the cinema tonight

this is that dude from disco elysium innit