girl is that a 9/11 in your pocket. or is your penis just two ofd them and exploding

OMG MY NEW SHOES CAME :3 ignore my ugly house arrest ankle bracelet. haha

fuck everything else this is the real post of the decade

I'm unclear on what's so difficult about "believing certain breeds of dogs are inevitably going to bite children in the face due to some sort of ancestral curse and believing that same breed of dog is fundamentally incapable of violence are both forms of magical thinking with no basis in reality" but both sides of the pit bull debate somehow manage to be just as stupid as each other

they're also both right about the other side: the vast majority of dogs regardless of genetics can be trained fairly easily to be civilized inside a house and around people, including children, and that aggressive dogs are almost always the result of no training, bad training, or trauma. and it is also true that leaving very young children unattended with any dogs is fucking stupid

one of the funniest relevant factoids is that there is actually a dog genetic mutation that causes it to "snap" and become psychotically aggressive without warning. Canine Rage Syndrome is documented to be present in these dangerous breeds:

and this one, but that's less surprising since the Malinois is partially a police eugenics project as well as the current favored breed of everyone who thinks Insane Police Dog is a cool and sexy accessory (which is not the dog's fault):

A small example of how my father really talks

Uh oh bestie. Turns out, if you want the rewards of being pillow princess, you have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of telling the service top what you want 😔

Girl, I think you're lost. This is a lesbian sex blog.

No, I made it up for attention 🥺

Wow! This classic Bionicle commercial is just as epic as I remember

i'm the one who coca cola tests all the new flavors on. they keep making me drink blood and blood and more blood and so much blood oh my god somebody help m

"diet coke"

"correct"

"cherry coke zero"

"correct"

"eugh- my own blood again"

"correct"

cock on a Monday. .delectable

Stalin's USSR = most woke nation to ever exist. You heard it here first, folks.

Imagine, for a moment, trying to figure out what the fuck is being measured on a scale where the USSR is a 10 and Portland, Oregon is an 8 without the excruciating knowledge of the hyperspecific neuroses of fascists over the past decade

Well it's clearly a logarithmic scale like decibel levels

oh sorry

People's disgusting.

People is disgusting. They deserve to suffer. That’s why Slenderman is here.

Disgusting people.

They deserve evil torment.

Slenderman is here.

Meeeeeeeeeeee printing strawberries at night

My longhouse is perfectly constructed. Every morning when I wake up in bed at the far end of my longhouse, I say my syllable. Then I spend all day sitting in bed. By sunset my syllable has traveled to the other end of my longhouse and back, and as it smacks me in the head, I fall asleep. My longhouse is perfectly constructed.