Anonymous: I overheard my mom and uncle talk and it seems like my uncle got his mistress pregnant and now he's considering divorcing his wife so that he can marry his mistress because he doesn't want the kid to be a bastard. He claims to be a Christian and I heard he's trying the right a wrong, but isn't it preferable for the child to be a bastard than to have him divorce his wife? Doesn't the Bible say God hates divorce? Which is more important, a child growing up with a father or following the Bible?
Scripture in Pictures received this concern and question this month. I’m sorry it took quite a while to respond but please know the concern was prayed for and lifted up in the hands of our sovereign, loving, and glorious God.
The concern and question:
I overheard my mom and uncle talk and it seems like my uncle got his mistress pregnant and now he’s considering divorcing his wife so that he can marry his mistress because he doesn’t want the kid to be a bastard. He claims to be a Christian and I heard he’s trying the right a wrong, but isn’t it preferable for the child to be a bastard than to have him divorce his wife? Doesn’t the Bible say God hates divorce? Which is more important, a child growing up with a father or following the Bible?
Thank you for being honest and for the care that you show for your relatives and God’s heart on this matter. Here I am, trying to give the best I can from how I’ve grown to know the LORD. This response comes from me being a never-been-married and still single mom to one child, redeemed by the grace of Christ Jesus. I hope this helps your processing.
Cheating on your spouse in any way is a sin. Whether it’s about money, emotions, power, or the body. For those who read God’s Word and studies it with teachers, we remember and know The Ten Commandments. Even when we’re not yet married, we must love God first. It is also there that we cannot take what is not ours. All the more when we are married; we have to love God first and honor what is ours and not take what shouldn’t be with us.
Sad to say but this concern is no surprise. There’s quite a number of church-attending, Bible-teaching, people-surrounded husbands who left their wives for another woman. I submit to you that these men may know God’s Word but they don’t believe it by heart. When husbands truly believe God’s Word and His promise of love, pleasure, and joy in marriage, husbands would work hard to know God more, protect his marriage and build the marriage in greater love. It’s easy to sin – easier to tolerate emotions and lusts when there are areas of unbelief in any man or woman’s heart.
People who debate about many concerns of this world that has Word in the Scripture best anchor their belief and choices to WHO SAID IT. For those who say they believe and follow Christ Jesus, they must honor His Word over everyone else’s opinion or way of words. God’s Word does not change.
Exodus 20 (NASB) The Ten Commandments
1 Then God spoke all these words, saying,
2 “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
3 “You shall have no other gods before Me.
4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth.
5 You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, 6 but showing lovingkindness to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.
7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not leave him unpunished who takes His name in vain.
8 “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.
13 “You shall not murder.
14 “You shall not commit adultery.
15 “You shall not steal.
16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
18 All the people perceived the thunder and the lightning flashes and the sound of the trumpet and the mountain smoking; and when the people saw it, they trembled and stood at a distance. 19 Then they said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen; but let not God speak to us, or we will die.” 20 Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin.” 21 So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the thick cloud where God was.
22 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, ‘You yourselves have seen that I have spoken to you from heaven. 23 You shall not make other gods besides Me; gods of silver or gods of gold, you shall not make for yourselves. 24 You shall make an altar of earth for Me, and you shall sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and your peace offerings, your sheep and your oxen; in every place where I cause My name to be remembered, I will come to you and bless you. 25 If you make an altar of stone for Me, you shall not build it of cut stones, for if you wield your tool on it, you will profane it. 26 And you shall not go up by steps to My altar, so that your nakedness will not be exposed on it.’
The Ten Commandments were given so that we can measure life and truth in God’s standards and promise. We see it around us and in our own lives; disobedience to God, rebellion against His heart, has real consequences. Adultery in the Bible shows us the consequences of sin and how it makes an impact from generation to generation.
We also see in God’s Word that women can be an object of temptation to men esp. when the woman aims to get whatever she wants - money, emotions, power, or physical pleasure. When a woman deliberately goes after her desires, she will do what she can and she will use her foothold on men to get what she wants. This is one of the big factors of why marriages fall apart. Fellow women, we can deny this but this is true about us. We can only overcome our sinful nature’s drive by surrendering to the LORD Jesus.
To give us a look at the reality of how we, women, tend to manipulate for our desires, read about some of the wicked women in the Bible. Here are some names that might be familiar to you:
Delilah — The wicked girlfriend of a legendary but foolish strongman named Samson, she made a bargain with his enemies, who promised her cold, hard cash for the secret of his superhuman strength. After wheedling the secret from her lover, she told them his strength would vanish the moment they cut off his hair. While Samson lay fast asleep with his head resting on Delilah’s lap, the Philistines snipped off his hair. When her unfortunate boyfriend awoke, they gouged out his eyes and took him captive to Gaza.
Potiphar’s Wife — A high-ranking Egyptian woman who fell for a good-looking Hebrew slave by the name of Joseph. Enraged by his refusal to jump into bed with her, she accused him of attempted rape and had him thrown into prison. After Joseph’s release, he became one of the most powerful men in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh.
Jezebel — A Phoenician princess, she was married to Ahab, one of Israel’s worst kings. She worshipped Baal, who was heralded as the bringer of rain and prosperity. In order to force conversions to her storm god, she murdered many of Israel’s prophets but was eventually made a laughingstock by Elijah and his God. Though this wicked queen came to a very bad end, she spent the last few moments of her life combing her hair and applying makeup so she could look her best when her servants threw her out of the palace window, feeding her body to the dogs below.
Eve — The original baddie, she made the fatal-for-everyone mistake of listening to the serpent’s lie that God wasn’t telling the truth about the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. After taking a bite, she offered it to Adam and the two were ejected from paradise. According to the story, giving in to the original temptation let death and suffering loose in the world. Though Eve may have eventually turned her life around, I’ve ranked her first in the order of wickedness because of all the evils she and her husband unleashed on the world.
From The Bible’s Top 10 Wicked Women
Read from the link. Use the Bible with you as main reference and pray as you read. We can all reflect if we’ve been anything like the women mentioned. It’s easy to deny and hard to admit that we sin over our bodies for temporal desires. But we always have hope before us and have to decide to stop our wickedness because we have hope. We can confess our sins and questions to God, repent, and walk forward by faith.
On divorce, my opinion and choice on it is dependent on what Christ Jesus said. When Christ Jesus came to fulfill the prophecy and give us the grace of having Him as Savior and LORD, He taught in many places.
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:3-19
The New Testament continues to honor the heart of God. Here are some of what is in the Scriptures about adultery:
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man can commit is outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. (Hebrews 13:4)
“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. (Luke 16:18)
Being a single mom, I understand how much a child is missing without a dad. Every child needs a father the way we need God as our Father. But I know that the heavenly Father is not pleased when marriages are dishonored and considered disposable. I see that God’s heart works for the reconciliation of His design: man to God, man and woman in marriage, marriage in God’s love, and families growing by God’s faithfulness. But we cannot miss it – we always have to be reconciled with God first before we can truly live out holiness or even honor simple commitments.
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:6-11)
I continue to hope and pray that your uncle receives Christ-anchored advice on this and that things work out for him and his wife. I also hope each of them receive support in ways that will build them up in God’s Word even more. Best for your uncle and aunt to be prayed for and prayed with. Whenever we hear news like this, we tend to talk more about it than pray about it. I hope you and those around them pray more for them and only speak words that edify.
For the mistress and the child, I know that there is nothing the heavenly Father cannot redeem. Every mother who sinned in any way can hope the way the rest of us can – to hope in the Good News of Christ Jesus. As a still-single (waiting and praying for marriage) mother to my fatherless child, it is with great joy that I share to you: God is more than enough. In Christ Jesus, I have love more than what I ever imagined for myself. In Christ Jesus, I am redeemed to be the daughter of the God who holds it all together. In Christ Jesus, I am a mother who has joy to raise my son in the reality of our circumstance because I know my son can be in God’s family, too ♥
For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. (Colossians 1:13-17)
Yet another grey area within the Bible. I recognize and honor the fact that this person does not have the answer to such a difficult question, however, to throw Scripture from Exodus (OT and Judaism) and to throw such harsh Scripture in such a delicate situation I personally feel is unfair. I think it's unfair to the person who asked, and unfair to the woman who answered.
You prayed, but did you hear? If you heard, why was there no conclusion? These may be reflections of my own struggle intertwining with this situation, but I am baffled that anyone who doesn't have a genuine answer (granted, who could) would even dip their toes into such a difficult question as this.
I get it. The asker is struggling and grasping for answers, but what gives you the Divine to answer such a question? The asker has asked you, but upon reading the answer I was left with more questions if anything.
This is what frustrates me about the Bible. I am a Christian, who has received a degree in Ministerial Leadership and who qualifies to be a pastor (as a woman) which is HUGE. However, there are so many grey areas, that how can you simply say that women are temptresses, the uncle did wrong according to Scriptures A, B, and C and by the way here's the 10 commandments?
No disrespect, and I'm not upset at this answer for anything else apart from the fact that I think that a difficult question such as this should be tackled by none else than a Pastor or Councellor themselves (if it even could be, apart from simple consolation) but I just struggle with the thought that condemning a woman for tempting a man is unfair, especially if we've heard a simple excerpt of the actual story of what took place to get the asker's uncle to where they are at this moment.
This predicament isn't one you can simply seek the Bible to solve, because the Bible isn't a tool to look at for our own specific issues, it is a tool to read into to understand Christ and our purpose, and to understand potentially what may be to come.
The Bible was written to us, not for us.
Again, no disrespect as I'm sure a lot of thought went into this response, which I applaud, but I think that this is too delicate of a question for the genuine normal Christian to answer.... (can not stress the no disrespect aspect of this post, because I am in no way attempting to challenge or offend anyone, just simply writing to express how much of a puzzle Christianity actually is.)
